Getting Tickled

[LillyBelle]

I had a really bizarre dream last night. I was at my Psychologist's office and I was laying on the sofa. She went to the side of the sofa (the side beside the armrest) where my head was and she started tickling my tummy. I was laughing and laughing. I squeezed my eyes shut. When I thought she would stop she didn't. It felt like forever! It was such a bizarre dream.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

it has been determined, through intellectual investigations and psyche
probings, that what you require is some joy. happiness that seems to
have no end is available for you.
enjoy life.

[Michelle11]

You may need a good old belly laugh. Laughter they say is the best medicine. It's important to work on the areas in life that trouble us but all work and no play can lead to a loss of joy. When you are feeling down consider taking in a comedy to help lighten your mood.

[LillyBelle]

@H:O:R:A:C:E and Michelle11 I believe you both are correct. I do have issues in the happiness department. As I said, sooooo much stuff has been going on in my life. It seems like it will never end. I tried to keep a positive attitude through most of it. You know, "nothing lasts forever", but I've grown tired.



1. My Parents had a messy divorce. I was happy about it because my Dad wasn't the nicest guy, but he harassed me after it.


2. Then, my Mom got really sick after her Bypass surgery and I thought she was going to die.


3. Then, my Mom got remarried to a guy I've known since I was a child, but it all happened to fast.




4. My Mom developed a problem with alcohol and we had to send her to rehab



5. Then, my Mom actually did die clinically, but they brought her back.



6. Then, both of my Parents lost the family business.



7. Then, my Mom was diagnosed with a rare, incurable, possibly deadly disease called Scleroderma. Which we found out after, meant she should have never had her bypass surgery. However, it was to late. Reversing the surgery could possibly kill her.


8. We lost my Uncle to a sudden heart attack. Which I knew would make my Grandma griever herself to death.


9. Then, my Grandma started getting sick over and over again. She was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. Which I knew meant she wasn't going to be around much longer.


10. My Grandma did pass away.



11. My Mom had to get one of her fingers amputated due to the Scleroderma





12. Then, my Mom's husband divorced her abruptly.




13. She started drinking again and I had to send her back to rehab.




14. The guy decided to come back again. Then, left again. Came back and left again.


15. I lost my Cousin who I grew very close to. After everything I did for her and her boyfriend she no longer wants to talk to me which devastated me.




16.Now, my Grandfather is losing his mind due to Dementia.



And there were some other things too, but those were the highlights of everything that happened. This has been going on since 2005.



Sooo, it just doesn't seem to end.

[Michelle11]

Most of what you have listed here are troubles with other people's lives. They do represent loss and abandonment to you but I also wonder if there is a part of you that feels responsible for helping fix them all? Do you sense you take responsibility for everyone's moods and illnesses if somehow you are the main emotional support of these people?

Aside from how your father treated you which can have an affect on how you see yourself, how your father treated you can also affect how you respond to the world and others. We can find ourselves trying to make everyone else's life better as a consequence of not wanting uneasy upset people in our lives. There definitely seems to be some dark health clouds over your family but most of it is out of your hands. And how people behave is also out of your hands. I would reflect on whether or not you are taking on other people's troubles and it is contributing to your loss of joy. Have you discussed all of this with your therapist and how it is affecting your mood and state of mind? Seems like a lot to handle and if you are feeling responsible in any way for healing them even just emotionally it may be adversely affecting your well being.

It's definitely a lot going on around you. It can be hard to separate our emotional energy from the negative emotional energy of those around us. It's definitely been a rough time for your family. I send you strength to work through this.

[LillyBelle]

Originally Posted by Michelle11

Most of what you have listed here are troubles with other people's lives. They do represent loss and abandonment to you but I also wonder if there is a part of you that feels responsible for helping fix them all? Do you sense you take responsibility for everyone's moods and illnesses if somehow you are the main emotional support of these people?

Aside from how your father treated you which can have an affect on how you see yourself, how your father treated you can also affect how you respond to the world and others. We can find ourselves trying to make everyone else's life better as a consequence of not wanting uneasy upset people in our lives. There definitely seems to be some dark health clouds over your family but most of it is out of your hands. And how people behave is also out of your hands. I would reflect on whether or not you are taking on other people's troubles and it is contributing to your loss of joy. Have you discussed all of this with your therapist and how it is affecting your mood and state of mind? Seems like a lot to handle and if you are feeling responsible in any way for healing them even just emotionally it may be adversely affecting your well being.

It's definitely a lot going on around you. It can be hard to separate our emotional energy from the negative emotional energy of those around us. It's definitely been a rough time for your family. I send you strength to work through this.

I have done that for many people in my life. My Therapist says I am a rescuer. I took in my Cousin and her boyfriend when they were homeless, even allowing them to live in my room with me. I did everything I could to help them and she doesn't even talk to me now. I'm absolutely heartbroken over the whole thing and grieving over it.



So, now my Psychologist is trying to get me to learn how not to be a rescuer. I just can't stand to see other people suffering and not be able to do something about it. Whenever I hear the words "there's nothing you can do" it drives me crazy!

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by LillyBelle

I have done that for many people in my life. My Therapist says I am a rescuer. I took in my Cousin and her boyfriend when they were homeless, even allowing them to live in my room with me. I did everything I could to help them and she doesn't even talk to me now. I'm absolutely heartbroken over the whole thing and grieving over it.

So, now my Psychologist is trying to get me to learn how not to be a rescuer. I just can't stand to see other people suffering and not be able to do something about it. Whenever I hear the words "there's nothing you can do" it drives me crazy!

Why does it drive you crazy? What is so unnerving about it for you? Dig deep into this as this may be the source of your angst about life.

The truth of the matter is we have very little control over many things in our lives and even less control over other people's lives. Being a rescuer shows incredible love on your part but letting people sort themselves out doesn't make you less loving. It's along the lines of the saying, we can give a man a fish and only feed them for a day or we can teach a man to fish and they will eat their whole lives. We can help guide people, drop hints that will give them something to work with but the actual work of healing has to come from themselves or they will never learn to thrive on their own.

So it is important for you to investigate what you are gaining or trying to avoid by being a rescuer. Simply just trying to stop the behavior may not do the trick. discovering what is feeding the behavior will help you challenge the misperception or fear that is contributing to the tendency to rush to fix which is compromising your well being.