My husband...

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Geezzz, what century do you live in?
Getting married doesn't equal sentenced for life. Things can change, life happens, feelings change.
No one should have to stay with someone they don't love anymore, most certainly not hold these idiotic wedding vows against them. IF she even took those, I mean, are they still in use?
They aren't where I live, totally outdated stuff.
Marriage is not about "Till death do us part", marriage is about love and happiness. If the love has gone there's no reason to stay together anymore.
The idea you have to stay together comes from church & patriarchal society who've created these rules to keep us small.

What if the man had just been a lot older and not ill and she felt this way? Would you have judged as harshly too?
It's very condescending to judge a woman for not wanting to be a nurse. It's not a woman's and wife's job to be a nurse, maid, cleaner and so on. I mean seriously, get with the times and have some respect for women.
"If you'd be ill, would he take care of you?"
Of course not, he's ill himself. And even if he did, it doesn't matter at all. If one doesn't feel it anymore, they don't feel it anymore. Fact that the other does is NOT part of the equation at all.

This happening is the risk HE took when he married her. Him being older should've been able to expect this in the future. Someone who's younger usually cannot fathom what it's going to be like to be with someone who's old and ill when you are still young and blossoming.

But none of that matters: when love has gone, love has gone. Regardless of the other's age and state of health.
No one should be obliged to play nurse. That's not what marriage is about.

So... what you're saying is get married if you feel like it today but ya know, if you don't feel like it tomorrow just leave. Go be happy! No matter who you knock down and hurt in the process? Is that the times you're living in? Trust me I get it. Been married 3 times, and I've done that! Screw it! I wasnt happy so I left! but ya see, I realized FROM experience, that love is not a feeling. It is a CHOICE. If we CHOOSE to marry someone we choose to stick by them. Now don't get me wrong, I am not by any means saying someone should stay if they are being abused etc. But this girl wanted to leave because she was bored and didn't "feel like" caring for the man she supposedly loves. Her intentions are all wrong. She's leaving for the wrong reasons. Its selfish and I doubt she has thought about the if the shoe were on the other foot.
Again She should absolutely find some things to do for herself and on her own but in no way shape or form will I encourage someone to leave and abandon their "other" simply out of boredom and because they don't " feel like" being care taker.

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Does the century matter? Fact is, the institution of marriage lingers on and vows are attached to the act. For someone who can't keep vows and adapt to living as it goes, don't make them.
Things come and go over the centuries but the basics of human nature don't really change.

Maybe best to write to the appropriate Synod/Authority and have this clause removed from the contract - or changed to read "until the sex gets boring or my partner gets too sick for me to care, or I win the lottery."

Since when has marriage been about love? Does anyone know what love is? Honestly?

Agreed! No, not many people do know what love is. I was one of those people. I loved until I didn't feel like it anymore, or if the sparks were gone I thought the love was gone. But really it was me. It was me not loving myself, not loving at all. It was insincere with unattainable expectations.
LOVE IS A CHOICE! It is choosing to wake up and love that person who snores, or leaves their trash next to the bed, or hurts you sometimes. Because again LOVE is a choice and real love is UNCONDITIONAL.
No Conditions attached "Well, I would love you, but you're sick and I'm bored" sounds very selfish and egotistical and sad to me.

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Yes, I would react the same way as I have great antipathy against the obsolete 'rule' that was imposed on us by church (= patriarchal society) thousands of years ago. It leaves no space for the individual's growth and change, as a matter of fact, growth and personal development was discouraged by church. You had to walk along the beaten path -the one invented by the ones in power => the ones from church- until you died. No one wanted you to start thinking for yourself. Your personal happiness didn't matter. Obeying them was (and apparently still is).

We are currently moving away from patriarchal systems (Age of Pisces) towards the Age of Aquarius which is all about love and oneness and not about idiotic rules and regulation and ramming these down people's throats.

It is wonderful if someone chooses to take care of their ill spouse if they do so because they love that person.
There's absolutely nothing wrong if the love dies and you cannot handle being a nurse to someone who happens to be your official partner. That's why we have freedom of choice (THANK GOODNESS!!!) and the option to divorce.
Many people merely stay together because they're afraid to leave or because they fear judgement from family and peers.
Thank goodness this influence is getting less, although in some countries it's still strong, even in some Western cultures. And isn't it funny that you always see this in areas where people are still horribly religious?
Religion isn't about love, although they pretend to and although it should be, it's about power over people, making people walk in the treadmill of their choice.

I answered your question, which you likely used to avoid mine. So how about mine:
Would you feel the same way if she didn't feel it anymore for her husband had he not been ill?
And if you feel that's would be okay, then his age and illness is the issue for you. Meaning that a woman has to play nurse even if the love has gone. Why?

Also... where are those vows still in use? Likely back to religious areas/countries.
Over here I don't think they were even used anymore when my parents married in the early 60.

I must say I'm quite shocked to see that so many people still follow old-fashioned rules that have no regard for the individual, and even ask "What has love got to do with marriage?"
Shocking, especially on a spiritual forum where people should understand that we aren't born to suffer and to plod but to love and create and find happiness in life.

Ohh honey get your head out of the clouds. You'll soon come down.

[vis-à-vis]

Originally Posted by Angnix

My husband is much older than me and always in I'll health. People have suggested I should leave him because it's not fair to me having a sick husband but others say he's a great man because he's never physically or verbally abusive to me. In fact it is me always getting to angry at him and it's been suggested it is because I have to take care of him all the time. He begs me not to ever leave him, but because he is so sick I feel like I have no life. We are moving back to our old town and I want to get connected back with my old best friend and her family and stuff and I hope things get better, but what do you sense about this relationship?

I read something recently about promises and it made me think, part of the problem with promises like marriage are the heavy expectations everyone places on the people not to break the promise. How over used are oaths to tightly bind our future, without consideration into the humans attached to the promise and human behaviours, or to life and how the circumstances under which promises are formed usually always change.

So we are threatened by the promise to continually change ourselves to suit it’s agreement (therefore creating karma) and using false hope that humans won’t break promises, however humans always have done and probably always will. So once bound, these karmic implications can linger on for lifetimes, usually unless the proper time and love isn’t used to properly unbind both people.

And you will both have attachments to this agreement even if you‘ve already moved on mentally, so to properly start honouring your true commitment to each other (in preference of the marital laws) and to save you both any future karma, it will most properly take a fair amount of time, energy and faith that you will both be handed a beautiful new start perhaps separately from the bind you made in another time.

I personally don’t think that the promise of marriage is to conquer the tie at the sacrifice of your happiness (the world already has enough unhappy people) but you should honour the human being you made your promises with, even if or when your personal circumstances change. Communication and honesty etc etc. So this man may think he needs you under his current circumstances, but from what I can tell you’re not actually giving him your true self anyway? And he may need his own fresh start?

Also, sometimes when the expectations are lifted you’re actually free to experience life together without fear, then honouring these life changes together through truth and acceptance therefore little karmic consequence. Just my opinion.

[Tigerlily]

I'm sorry to hear your husband is Ill and the toll it has taken. Sounds like moving to your old town to be with family and friends is the support you need right now.