I am almost ruined for volunteering. What can I do?

[Gem]

I think we find people in charitable roles to be there for various reasons, such as a recovered addict might be impelled to do something for others in the same way, for example, and perhaps when examining our own pasts; what we have been through or overcome, can inspire us to be benevolent in particular ways that suit us best.

The main thing, I believe, is to be well aware of what motivates us, and we like to think we're motivated by kindness toward others, so we tend to overlook the ways in which we are driven by our own needs. It's seemingly unnatural to be involved in charitable work for selfish reasons, but we're only human and we have human needs. This means there are two elements to why we do as we do: For the benefit of others; and for self benefit.

This makes the charitable essence of giving while expecting nothing in return quite complicated, and it takes a good degree of self-awareness to not let one's own needs interfere in the helping process.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Over the years, my experiences with volunteering have caused me to feel jaded. I am really trying to change that, or find some kind of understanding because I really love helping others. So I could really use some guidance here.

If you check my profile or see my posts you'll see that I have done & felt the same thing.

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

It's like people who run these organizations are so bitter and unhappy it makes me wonder why they stay.

For me, I had to step away from animal charity work as I felt that it didn't matter how many I saved or rehabilitated the endless flow of animals into shelters was disgusting. I was straight out of school & straight into a job where I was saving lives & making a difference .. or so I thought!

This person could very well be coming to this realisation or struggling with it & a bright young thing coming in to change the world is just too much for them.

Just as the endless stream of neglected or unwanted animals repeats & repeats perhaps so do the cycle of volunteers who always jump ship or go onto better things & leave this shelter without giving it a second thought - even though they maybe helping elsewhere.

It's a tough one because really the people out there are to blame & it's not just the down & outs either.

I had my old teacher arrive at the centre with a cat, I told him that he should have called ahead as we didn't have any room & tried to open a dialogue as to what to do next but he flipped. He was vile & he said that either I took the cat or he let it out on the road to get run over & it would me on my conscience!

I don't know what he had going on in life as he was too arrogant to talk with me but I learned then that "authority" is just a title. He was 50 I was 17 yet I had to scold, sooth & contain him!

You can do volunteer work to make yourself feel better - you physically see the positive outcome so if that is something that your lacking then it's a win/win. The extra hands are always needed. Lots of people do it purely to look good on their c.v/ resume. So they will post pictures & talk about how great it is but in reality they don't get into it deep enough as that's not their intention. Not everyone obviously but it's something to be aware of as I doubt for one second they pick up poop & sick!


This is why I say that my wife is my hero - she goes in everyday to make a difference & she does. It drains her & sometimes she needs to vent when she comes home but she always remembers the reason she is there in the 1st place.

As long as you have that attitude the other people will come & go but you will be the constant. I couldn't do it but I see an example that it can be done everyday..



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[Alex E]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I just wish I were better at dealing with people like that. I don't ever want anyone to make me to feel that way ever again.

To get better at dealing with people like that, i see four main things.

Focus more on what is most important to you, in a way that exclude all other things. Think of it as a fight. If you're in a boxing ring, you don't want to get distracted by parasite stimuli. You just do your thing.

And what fuels most and best this ability is connection with God. So isolate well your spiritual practice, and also consecrate gradually your other activities, so you think only of God when doing those.

Also, see the "bad" people as a boxer sees his adversaries. They are there to help get one better at boxing. And the boxer is happy to fight.

Finally, make sure you're not attracted nor afraid from the "bad" people. Just detach. Do your thing, and that only. Don't get distracted.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by Gem

I think we find people in charitable roles to be there for various reasons, such as a recovered addict might be impelled to do something for others in the same way, for example, and perhaps when examining our own pasts; what we have been through or overcome, can inspire us to be benevolent in particular ways that suit us best.

I think this might be true for me. I was mostly neglected as a child which has thankfully made me an independent person but well suited to animal rescue, and working with children.

Originally Posted by Gem

The main thing, I believe, is to be well aware of what motivates us, and we like to think we're motivated by kindness toward others, so we tend to overlook the ways in which we are driven by our own needs. It's seemingly unnatural to be involved in charitable work for selfish reasons, but we're only human and we have human needs. This means there are two elements to why we do as we do: For the benefit of others; and for self benefit.

Well this is true for me some of the time but I can't say the same for others. I have seen people who can give all the time and take on more and more. I admire their commitment to go 200% on their cause, but I don't think I am cut out for that kind of life.

Originally Posted by Gem

This makes the charitable essence of giving while expecting nothing in return quite complicated, and it takes a good degree of self-awareness to not let one's own needs interfere in the helping process.

Yes. In a way I feel I failed those animals whom I built a relationship with. I was able to help the ones everyone else gave up. That's my real talent. If I had more time, and not have been sabotaged, I could have rehabilitated them. That would have been reward enough for me.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

For me, I had to step away from animal charity work as I felt that it didn't matter how many I saved or rehabilitated the endless flow of animals into shelters was disgusting. I was straight out of school & straight into a job where I was saving lives & making a difference .. or so I thought!

This person could very well be coming to this realisation or struggling with it & a bright young thing coming in to change the world is just too much for them.

Just as the endless stream of neglected or unwanted animals repeats & repeats perhaps so do the cycle of volunteers who always jump ship or go onto better things & leave this shelter without giving it a second thought - even though they maybe helping elsewhere.

It's a tough one because really the people out there are to blame & it's not just the down & outs either.

Thank you for pointing that out. I thought that might be the case but dismissed it for whatever reason. When I was at the shelter, I noticed the ones who had been there for a long time or played a key role in running the place didn't seem to have much patience or empathy left. They didn't seem to notice the animals, and the ones they did notice did not get the personalized attention I feel they needed. It's as if they had seen it all before and were only going through the motion. I can empathize with them but I won't excuse them for that.

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

I had my old teacher arrive at the centre with a cat, I told him that he should have called ahead as we didn't have any room & tried to open a dialogue as to what to do next but he flipped. He was vile & he said that either I took the cat or he let it out on the road to get run over & it would me on my conscience!

I don't know what he had going on in life as he was too arrogant to talk with me but I learned then that "authority" is just a title. He was 50 I was 17 yet I had to scold, sooth & contain him!

This is a major problem at shelters and it's sad that the animals and by extension teenagers have to deal with the worst of human nature. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It just goes to show that age is not a factor of a persons maturity. I am very empathetic to the teenagers plunged in that situation.

I think for me it's the realization that we're never going to fix these problems that helps me accept them. Shelters will never solve the homeless problem. That may sound dark but it isn't. I just have to let go, and choose the good things I want to accomplish. I may not save the world but at least I can make it better in some small way.

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

You can do volunteer work to make yourself feel better - you physically see the positive outcome so if that is something that your lacking then it's a win/win. The extra hands are always needed. Lots of people do it purely to look good on their c.v/ resume. So they will post pictures & talk about how great it is but in reality they don't get into it deep enough as that's not their intention. Not everyone obviously but it's something to be aware of as I doubt for one second they pick up poop & sick!


This is why I say that my wife is my hero - she goes in everyday to make a difference & she does. It drains her & sometimes she needs to vent when she comes home but she always remembers the reason she is there in the 1st place.

As long as you have that attitude the other people will come & go but you will be the constant. I couldn't do it but I see an example that it can be done everyday..



.

Thank you. In some weird way, I don't mind one bit picking up poop or sick. There is nothing in the shelter I don't mind doing. The only thing that is draining for me is the politics.

The director of the shelter wanted to make me miserable and unhappy and she almost ruined me. What hurt me was the very underhanded ways she used to attack me. From her position of power, she took away from my sense of community and friendship. She wanted me to feel alone and powerless and she succeeded. The worst part is nobody there noticed. I feel almost ruined by people like her and I don't know how to win.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

She wanted me to feel alone and powerless and she succeeded. The worst part is nobody there noticed. I feel almost ruined by people like her and I don't know how to win.

You gotta suit up girl!

Get your armour forged & ready, Know your strengths & weaknesses & don't be afraid to regroup & live to fight another day.

This type of person is everywhere - it's their religion but they worship power ... or the perception of it. You can check on my comments on other threads as confirmation that I don't take anyone as a higher "authority" than myself.

I have always been more nerd that sportsman but the done thing out there in the world is to compete & dominate. Authority is just a label, letters before a name etc but it is you that gives them the power over you.

Do you have to complete tasks they assign you to pick up a paycheck? - yes but no. (I know it's voluntary but it still applies in principle).

You don't leave because of money or princials but at any given time you could leave - you just choose other aspects of your life over the moment that your in. That's a point to you right there.
Does the person trying to dominate you make you angry - yes - but do you choose not to swing at them like a crazed baboon - also yes another point to you.

Who is winning so far?

Whatever she is doing it is getting the response that she seems to be after.
That's a point to her.

Suit up, go in armed - these people swing their axe with everything they have & because your open to attack you are vulnerable.

Defend yourself mentally with the above & if necessary physically by calling them out on it if & when you feel strong enough. You can dominate back by staring them down & asking what the issue is.
It's a difficult one as you are almost calling their bluff but a lot of the time they actually "switch" to a different mode and fumble their words. What can she do to you really? Thing is she knows that but at the moment you don't.

Obviously they could have an all out rant - trying to dominate again but if you "zone out" & think something like "buck tooth harpy" your inner child has a little giggle & the power shifts back to you. She'll see it in your eyes. If your going ok so far you can always retort by asking "why didn't you just say that in the 1st place then?"

"Kill them with kindness" is a great one but you still need the armour as it can get rough. You walk in chirpy and say "what do you want me doing today?" Whatever it is they say you respond "brilliant I'll get right to it" etc.
That's a very tiring way of doing it but it can work, on some level they may interpret it as you bowing to them but it's your call. Another little trick is to be on good terms with their boss but that isn't always an option.


Or you can live to fight another day elsewhere but at the next workplace, armour up before you get in the door. Stay aware.

I'm available on PM if there is ALOT more to the story.

Think of it like this,
under the armour you can still be principled, kind & loving but don't let those bog goblins take you down by bathing in an unscouted area.



.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

You gotta suit up girl!

Get your armour forged & ready, Know your strengths & weaknesses & don't be afraid to regroup & live to fight another day.

This type of person is everywhere - it's their religion but they worship power ... or the perception of it. You can check on my comments on other threads as confirmation that I don't take anyone as a higher "authority" than myself.

I have always been more nerd that sportsman but the done thing out there in the world is to compete & dominate. Authority is just a label, letters before a name etc but it is you that gives them the power over you.

Do you have to complete tasks they assign you to pick up a paycheck? - yes but no. (I know it's voluntary but it still applies in principle).

You don't leave because of money or princials but at any given time you could leave - you just choose other aspects of your life over the moment that your in. That's a point to you right there.
Does the person trying to dominate you make you angry - yes - but do you choose not to swing at them like a crazed baboon - also yes another point to you.

Who is winning so far?

Whatever she is doing it is getting the response that she seems to be after.
That's a point to her.

Suit up, go in armed - these people swing their axe with everything they have & because your open to attack you are vulnerable.

I would love to be able to defend against people like her, but she defeated me long before I even knew I was under attack. She set me up to fail from the beginning by plotting and scheming. By the time I knew what was happening, I was dragged through the thorns.

If it were just a matter of confrontation I could work on that. I just have a hard time with the plotting and schemes.

And while authority is just a label, she had the power to deny me my place on the team no matter how well I did or how well I fought. All she had to do was It made me feel helpless like I could never be socially acceptable.

Honestly, I really do wish I could win against people like her. I am tired of being the better person or accepting that about people. For once I want to win quickly and efficiently. Even if I don't beat them at their game, I just want to know that they can't get me down.

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

Defend yourself mentally with the above & if necessary physically by calling them out on it if & when you feel strong enough. You can dominate back by staring them down & asking what the issue is.
It's a difficult one as you are almost calling their bluff but a lot of the time they actually "switch" to a different mode and fumble their words. What can she do to you really? Thing is she knows that but at the moment you don't.

Obviously they could have an all out rant - trying to dominate again but if you "zone out" & think something like "buck tooth harpy" your inner child has a little giggle & the power shifts back to you. She'll see it in your eyes. If your going ok so far you can always retort by asking "why didn't you just say that in the 1st place then?"

"Kill them with kindness" is a great one but you still need the armour as it can get rough. You walk in chirpy and say "what do you want me doing today?" Whatever it is they say you respond "brilliant I'll get right to it" etc.
That's a very tiring way of doing it but it can work, on some level they may interpret it as you bowing to them but it's your call. Another little trick is to be on good terms with their boss but that isn't always an option.


Or you can live to fight another day elsewhere but at the next workplace, armour up before you get in the door. Stay aware.

I will do my best. How can I prepare myself?

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

I'm available on PM if there is ALOT more to the story.

Think of it like this,
under the armour you can still be principled, kind & loving but don't let those bog goblins take you down by bathing in an unscouted area.

Thank you very much.

.

[Silver]

Knightoflenity, your advice post was great, I enjoyed reading it, fwiw.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Silver

Knightoflenity, your advice post was great, I enjoyed reading it, fwiw.

Much appreciated - I don't think that we have met yet so .

Whilst my suggestions are not a catch all approach I feel that, there is kindness to others but also equally a kindness to yourself.

Kinder souls are often bullied, not because they are weak but because they don't naturally push back.

Goodness has been painted as a weakness of late yet it is actually the hardest path to keep to.

It's a pet hate of mine.

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