Strange feelings towards a significantly older man

[OnceInALifeTime]

This guy is a complete lunatic.

We're currently working in the same office. He got back from his holidays this morning. We haven't seen each other since my visit last year.

As soon as I got into the office this morning, someone asked me a question to which I replied but it's not my duty to follow up with the actual issue since it falls into their remit and another department's.

Then, he started yelling at "us" - Don't tell me that story, we left it at that two weeks ago. Don't tell me about that.

This lunatic hadn't even greeted me yet and he already started yelling from the opposite end of the floor.

I got really defensive so I chose not to feed and ignore it since he was yelling to a multiple people/himself. Therefore, when he greeted me five minutes later, I was quite cold towards him.

This very sharp, well-dressed and good conversationalist (since he works in sales ..) started stuttering around me when he greeted me. I didn't even bother to get the conversation going. I was very brief.

Then, I noticed him starring at me for 5 minutes or so while I was starring at my computer working. He eyes were fixated on me from afar.

He's nuts. Good luck to him trying to change my view of him.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by OnceInALifeTime

This guy is a complete lunatic.
He's nuts. Good luck to him trying to change my view of him.

Is there anyone else that's peaked your interest in the time that the "lunatic" has been away/ out of sight?

You seem to have a lot to give so it would be a shame to waste it?

.

[OnceInALifeTime]

I swear, he's really starting to hurt my feelings a bit.

Everyone in the office is respectful, says "hi" and has a chat with me. Yet, this one blatantly ignores me. We crossed paths this afternoon, I turned around to say "hi" and he looked down. I'm visiting for heaven's sake. He could make an effort to be cordial to a visitor.

He's very confident, chats with everyone and apparently flirts with all the ladies. After all, he manages a huge portfolio of clients. Yet, with me, he stuttered when he first said hi and wound up ignoring me altogether. He literally acts like I don't exist. I'm seriously offended.

I thought he'd ask me out, but he didn't.

I'm quite confident, friendly and I like to chat with people. I'm also very serious and professional.

I might not be his type or whatever it is he thinks, but he doesn't have to be rude. Honestly, I'm quite annoyed. What the heck? I feel as though he's got something against me.

[7luminaries]

It sounds like he can only relate to you or perceive you in one way, which is at it interests him or relates to him.

If you're not playing his game and responding the way he wants -- whatever that might be...from what you've said, I'm presuming he wants lots of booklicking and flirting, etc. -- now he's finally got the message that you're not interested in casual sex, he's surly and/or uninterested.

I would continue to be courteous and leave it at that. However, if you are unable to work around him, I would look elsewhere for work if at all possible.

I was in a hostile work environment years ago right out of school where I was being harassed by this one man who was about 40 and I was early to mid 20s, and their solution was to offer to send me to "assertiveness training" (eyeroll)...I said no, they tried to screw me on my review. I refused to sign it. I reported the whole thing to the HR attorney and also to the one senior female VP but I also left. Later I found everyone above this guy got demoted.

But as far as I know he was not let go at that time, which was some sort of CYA thing...that would be some sort of admission of liability. So just FYI...I am glad I left. Let them deal with that slimeball - I assume they'd resent the hell out of him for getting them demoted but who knows? Better to leave and find a place where you are treated with a bit more respect.

Treat it like a workplace issue and document it, including all historic events you can recall. All the rubbish he's put on you. Keep your personal email copied and up to date with the events, and if you feel it's impacting your work, immediately shop your resume/CV around.

If he gets really hostile, then once you are ready to leave, I would report him to your supervisor and to HR and see how they handle it -- almost guaranteed they handle it badly, but I would then turn in your two weeks' along with filing complaints at your local, regional, and national employment and labour rights agencies. Let them follow up after you're gone.

Ideally it doesn't come to this, but if it does, no worries - just move on, keep your head up, and turn the page
You're a strong woman, so vote with your feet and report them all to the agencies if they don't have your back in this situation.

Peace & blessings
7L

[OnceInALifeTime]

FYI, he's gone back to ignoring my emails again.