Please help with advice - spiritual awakening and feeling out of sorts and sick

[Christine01]

Hello
I know i have been on a spiritual awakening experience since about August 2016. I have had many many sign and experiences including meeting my TF. I am feeling really tired, stressed, scared and disconnected right now though.

I just feel like too much keeps constantly happening in my life that I can't cope anymore. I am scared of further things being taken from me during this experience. I have separated from my husband of 20 years, I am not feeling like I can do my work anymore - I don't feel it anymore, but of course need money. So I got a bit of contract work to supplement my income as I have no clients coming in anymore for my own business. I have no friends left either.

Not that I had a lot to start with, but I only have acquaintances now. I have been single with my kids since April. In that time my daughter made 2 suicide attempts and has been home. This has been hard on many levels. Including having even more limited time to work, when at the best of times I am struggling too. I also have made a conscious effort to disconnect from my twin in the past 2 weeks taking the very courageous step of purposely not going where he I knew he would be. This is making me sad that I still don't have him in my life and I have suffered so much these past 2 years, but I feel the right thing to do is to concentrate on me.

This past week has been very bad though. I planned a holiday with my kids and was sick. I was so lucky my mum was with us. I am angry because I need to stay on top of my work, and had recommitted to doing this and flying arrows keep burning up my efforts. I have been getting crazy physcial symptoms this week that make me worry I have something wrong with me and I am going to die. I have had 2 blood tests this week. I have diagnoised anxiety issues and also health anxiety.

I am not sure but it may have to do with the eclipse. Sunday night last week I was getting all of this crown sensation on the top of my head and along the back. Like pulsing rain. Heaps of tingles in the body too. I have had my kundalini awaken in February so I put it down to that. Then everything ampliefied through the week - a flare in my psoriasis, muscle aches, back ache to nausea, feeling spacey, and twinge and electrical pinpricks in my body. Feeling lethargy and basically like ****. But it would come and go, and is still coming and going. On the eclipse night I laid down adn the kundalini energy kept rising constantly, heart expansions etc. Heart palpitations etc etc. Last night my solar plexus was painful, and I noticed through the week my belly up top is rounded and big - I am feeling only slightly relieved that I am not dying because maybe this is budha belly. I do look pregnant though and that ****es me off becuase I've worked hard on my figure this past year.

My head right now is tingly on the top and I have energy to get up and write this. My energy is all over the place through the day. I want to get my life on track for my kids (14 and 8) but keep getting beaten down. I'm trying. My ex is also about to lose his job and there goes $1500 a month..ohhh

All I want to do is go on some long retreat and feel ok again. I want some bits of the old me back - not all of it - but I worry what will the next day bring. I am fearful, scared, lonely and wondering what all of this is for at this point. My TF is not in my life and I love him more than the universe. I have not seen him now for over 2 weeks and am due to see him in just over a week. But a part of me has not only disconnected, but also given up so much that I don't want to see him. If that makes sense. We are in separation but I see him in a professional capacity. I just don't want to live with the energy of seeing him all the time but not realising anything more with him.

If this is kundalini / ascension symptoms would anything reflect in blood tests.

Christine