empty feeling

Originally Posted by nammyoho

I've been depressed before. I've been downright suicidal before. This feels different and strange. I don't know who or what to believe so it's like I believe in both nothing and everything. I feel very uncertain and like everything is out of my control which sounds like panic but it's not. I kinda like it. I've spent so much energy blaming myself for every little thing to go 'wrong' in my life that I haven't taken the time to look around and see what's right- and how everything that has ever gone sour eventually turned out beautiful no matter what. I've just lost control of my surroundings but I'm taking it as a reminder that all I can control is my own views, reactions, beliefs. Maybe I've been taking things too personally.

Well, you can make a start.

Forget all the philosophical arguments right now about what is and what isn't....You're here, alive. Basically you can trust what you see. You can trust what you have around you.

Do you have any daily routines (beyond getting up and going to bed)? One should imagine so, so you can trust them. If you really don't have (or THINK you don't have routines, then turn what you can into a routine - washing, making breakfast, popping out for a coffee, whatever. (I'm no great supporter of routines but when you really feel despairing, they are things you can depend on.)

Your problems...well, it's important to own our problems but we may not always be responsible for their causes. The only way away out is to deal with them as best as you can. Sharing what seems a problem, talking it through like here for instance, is a way of reducing its effect...often a good way to get a better perspective on a problem.

You have to find ways to stop blaming yourself for every mishap in your life. Hence meditation. It may help you comprehend a little more what any given problem actually was, which is often a way to solving it. You can't solve a problem without a good grip on what that problem was about. ....You know what - this so often comes back to our parents, directly or indirectly - making us feel wrong, claiming we've let them down....when all the time they've let us down. They haven't allowed us to grow. They've refused to accept we're people in our own right, even when in pre-adolescence, adolescence...

In fact I'd go as far as to say that I bet a few of your problems come from your parents.

But here you are, recognising you're having a difficult time, maybe an "identity crisis" on the material world - maybe not - I could be wrong.

And I reiterate your first effort should be to affirm yourself into optimism. Miss Hepburn came up with some great ideas. When you wake up, be glad about the day. Look out of the window and see Nature...whatever's out there if you have any view at all comes from Nature. Tell yourself something great is going to happen about the day. Think of things about the day that are likely to be good. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that healing is on its way; things get better all the time.

Give it a go.
,

[nammyoho]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Well, you can make a start.

Forget all the philosophical arguments right now about what is and what isn't....You're here, alive. Basically you can trust what you see. You can trust what you have around you.

Do you have any daily routines (beyond getting up and going to bed)? One should imagine so, so you can trust them. If you really don't have (or THINK you don't have routines, then turn what you can into a routine - washing, making breakfast, popping out for a coffee, whatever. (I'm no great supporter of routines but when you really feel despairing, they are things you can depend on.)

Your problems...well, it's important to own our problems but we may not always be responsible for their causes. The only way away out is to deal with them as best as you can. Sharing what seems a problem, talking it through like here for instance, is a way of reducing its effect...often a good way to get a better perspective on a problem.

You have to find ways to stop blaming yourself for every mishap in your life. Hence meditation. It may help you comprehend a little more what any given problem actually was, which is often a way to solving it. You can't solve a problem without a good grip on what that problem was about. ....You know what - this so often comes back to our parents, directly or indirectly - making us feel wrong, claiming we've let them down....when all the time they've let us down. They haven't allowed us to grow. They've refused to accept we're people in our own right, even when in pre-adolescence, adolescence...

In fact I'd go as far as to say that I bet a few of your problems come from your parents.

But here you are, recognising you're having a difficult time, maybe an "identity crisis" on the material world - maybe not - I could be wrong.

And I reiterate your first effort should be to affirm yourself into optimism. Miss Hepburn came up with some great ideas. When you wake up, be glad about the day. Look out of the window and see Nature...whatever's out there if you have any view at all comes from Nature. Tell yourself something great is going to happen about the day. Think of things about the day that are likely to be good. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that healing is on its way; things get better all the time.

Give it a go.
,

Love this<3
Identity crisis could definitely be a fitting term haha. Been blaming everyone but myself and it's rough to realize that you're the problem! But also the solution! I've got such a thick skull that I refused to admit that I had such a big hand in my own pain. I've known how to help myself for years but for whatever reason kept on self-destructing. I guess clinging to suffering gets comfortable.
Anyway I don't feel nearly as empty today but filling up with some different stuff. Affirmations feel silly to me but I've been quieting my mind a lot more and it's getting easier to let negative thoughts pass and move on as opposed to ruminating and trying to fix everything. I remembered yesterday that it's not my hobbies or personality that my friends love me for. It's my essence and spirit~~ and when I'm not being good to myself physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, it shows-- and then I get so anxious about being found out that I'm not being good to myself that I punish myself by treating myself worse! It doesn't make any sense! What a weird and vicious little cycle.
A year ago, I was feeling really good. I was in a great place and everything felt right and losing that this past year made me feel like I was hopeless. Like I'll always default back to negativity and self-destruction. I let a lot of negative people and attitudes seep into my spirit and all I can do from here is bounce back. It's no one's fault- not theirs, not even my own. It just happened and I can't be mad at myself anymore for losing sight of what's really important to me. I like the suggestion of looking out the window every morning and telling myself something great will happen. I might need some sunglasses first thing in the morning though;)

[nammyoho]

I had an incredible experience meditating earlier and I forgot how wonderful it feels to sink into the void for a while. I'd been stuck in an ego trap for so long, telling myself all these little lies to make myself feel better. My hand was right in front of my face so I couldn't see the bigger picture. Move it further and guess what-- everything seems so small. I want to hug everyone who has ever hurt me and apologize to everyone I've ever hurt. I'm only going to be on earth for a minute and my silly little ego is only one page of the story.