Instinctual Dilemma. Please offer guidance or aid.

Heather - I can see where you are coming from. And I put a lot of power to my subconscious because it has a habit of controling many things about myself and my personality, maybe moreso than others.

Smiler - Thank you for the suggestion, I will try what you have done (and not while driving of course. :p) and thank you for the..whats the word...hmm...encouragement doesn't quite fit so...thank you for the advice regarding revealing "me" to others.

I have decided to continue on my path, perhaps not to embrace it, but simply to accept it as it is and learn from this experience so that I may be more careful and understanding of myself in relation to others in the future.

Though, as a safety precaution I am going to take a slightly deceptive way of behaving for everyone's benefit. I will hide myself more adeptly from others and make sure that, even if I am taking energy from someone subconsciously/instinctually, they do not realise immediately and I have also decided to start using some empathic manipulations on others if they become offended...etc simply so they don't do something both I and they will regret.

This is not a solution, but I believe these new methods will allow me the peace and quiet and time to gain some form of subconscious understanding and self control.

I still have a looong way to go before this chaos is a thing of the past.

If anyone else has any words to share, advice, a story, opinions...etc feel free to contribute.

Originally Posted by Sangress

My theory to not being able to exist on certain kinds of energy is simply that, just as everyone needs to eat all kinds of food to keep a good diet and health, I take all kinds of energy i need when I need them. Variety is important and whatever my energy system lacks it seems to gain without question.

People can survive on just one food they just wont be very nutritionally well. Have you tried meditating and visualising soaking up the universes energy. I completly understand that you cant help doing what you do and im not saying change what you do but maybe its worth giving it a go. Imagine you are soaking up he earths energy and then give some back to people you think need it so you arent just taking. Does that make any sense?!

Lostgirl - Makes perfect sense.

I have tried it before but the energy of the earth (and sun for that matter) is very intense, so I cannot take it so often. But in small amounts it does give me some benefit, though it does not last long and there is a verrry long time between times I am able to consume that kind of energy again.

I suppose you might say energy from the earth itself is like straight vodka for me. Too much in too short amount of time is never going to go down well, and too much over a long period of time causes problems as well.

I suppose balance is necessary in all things.

Also, for the sake of you mentioning meditation. I meditate for 3 hours a day just after sunset, or just before sunrise, when I am the most comfortable and aware. :) It helps me a lot.

Also, one thing I haven't mentioned.

There are positive aspects about my draining of energy, so I am not only taking, it does give some benefit. When people are drained of their energy it actually cleans their system, removes energetic blockages and promotes a faster production of energy in their system soon after. In the end all of those things combined strengthens their energetic health if the drain is not constant.

Also, when I consciously drain someone I also heal parts of their energy system so that they feel better and function more smoothly after the effects of the drain have abated.

So I do try to give when I take, it is just difficult to do sometimes when I don't know I'm taking until it's too late to help the other person.

Sangress, it seems to me that I would become very upset with someone who was 'stealing' my energy. If you are not doing it with their consent, then it is stealing. That person could be going thru some trials in their life that they need their energy supply for. If they have holes in their auras because of trauma, injury, mental, emotional or spiritual reasons that bit of energy that you take could be crucial to them. If there is someone who knowingly consents to what you do and give their permission, that is between two consenting adults. Without that consent, what you do sounds like a violation of ones being.

I agree with Summerland. I know you have said that you cant control it but you need to be able to. It something you should work on for your own safety. if people are aware that you are doing it and becoming violent towards you, you need to learn to help yourself without changing who you are. Im sure there are others like you out there, it might be worth finding them and talking to them about controlling it. I wouldnt mind if i was asked as i knew it would be helping somone but if it was done without my consent i would feel hurt as i might need that energy for something else.
I would never say change because that is wrong but you need to be able to control what you do.

Originally Posted by Sangress

Why cant I get what I need from the universal energy?

To be truthful I do not know. And I also do not know what universal energy is in the first place, since all kinds of energy make up the world and any one kind can become another without a moments notice.

Wouldn't universal energy be the vague explanation of the whole of all the energies in existence coexisting together as one?

Hmm... interesting dilemma. In my experience, Universal energy is everything... it's the building blocks of the universe, it's Source/God/Goddess/Mystery... it's what we are all made up of. I do find it strange that you can't take much sun or earth energy without consequences in one way or another and this makes me wonder if you need to receive energy from further afield, like other planets or star systems, perhaps some which are more compatable with your system? Have you ever meditated on this?

Also, you speak of taking and 'cleansing' others energy when you do so, which reminds me of shamanic practices I have read about. Have you worked with or spoken to an experienced shaman? They might have some answers for you.

Lostgirl and summerland - I have the same views as both of you. I have been working on gaining control of this in scores of ways for 12 years.

I understand the damage I am doing to others and hate that it is happening. I wish to change this and am grasping at all the alternatives and solutions I and others can possibly find.

Enya - I have attempted to gain energy from further afield during deep trance and meditation (and stepping out of my body in spirit) for a few years now, but always seem to use more energy to get there and drain, than I gain from the act itself. Most often these attempts result in a blinding migraine and then a loss of consciousness.

As for the shamanistic practices. I have been drawn to shamans for a long time but never learned of them properly. Perhaps it is time I learned their ways.

Im not saying you are doing damage at all because in my view you can get energy from anywhere - a good nap will do the trick but i think control is just what you need to grasp.

I don't have the capacity to create enough energy to sustain a healthy balance regardless of whether i am asleep or not. (Unless I am Astral Projecting or Dream Walking)

I can get energy from any source outside myself though. so same thing really.

And yes, control is what I need to develop here.

I'm thinking more meditation more often and some energetic tricks to alert me if i am subconsciously draining so i can work on minimizing the strength of the reflex and even stopping it completely.

[Nevair]

Sangress be yourself, i understand being worked against and having to put up with guises so normal people wont deal with your real self which is fine and that wont mean suppressing your nature or who you are, they think you are an energetic vampire due to what reasons.

From what i understood in my experience about significant Psychic and the Spiritually tuned is their energies can be overwhelming to sensitive people who dont know how to filter it out making them feel weak, uneasy or penetrated by it.

There was a time when i was in a similar situation and i realized all of the protection (similar to yours) was disturbing the people around me who i WAS associated with, unfortunately for me they assumed the worst and found a way to seal my abilities which recently returned, alway remember you give off energy that some people cant handle and once your aware of that fact you just maintain that output