Breathwork for releasing trauma
SHORT VERSION: Breathwork causes intense pins and needle sensations to blast my chakras, it starts around where the thymus is, then covers the heart, then hits the solar plexus and sacral chakra, the sensation is beyond intense on these 3 chakras. It hits the throat relatively mildly (just pins and needles as opposed to immense energetic blasts). The sensations cover my arms/hands too. My arms, hands and lips cramp up as I feel these sensations, the deeper I go, the more intense the sensations and cramping. Lots of emotions can surface, some of them really strange emotions that have no label. By blasting it all with forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and love, some very intense, crazy things happen, I go into what look like exorcisms, it looks like an enormous release happening, I burst into tears, my face lets out all kinds of extreme emotional expressions, I start shaking, then REALLY SHAKING (I know animals in nature shake off trauma, this shaking feels right to me). Going even deeper I start screaming and roaring, and the process looks like an exorcism.
I often don't feel much emotion as this is happening. Is it possible to release things without feeling emotions? Can I take these extreme things that happen with my body (the cramping, the shaking, the crying, the roaring) as a sign that I'm releasing trapped trauma and emotional blockages? At a holotropic breathing workshop, one of the guides told me I did a whole lot of releasing because I cramped up so intensely, more than anyone else there, she said you can release it through the body. I'm skeptical, I believed that emotional trauma can only be released/brought into the light by feeling them deeply. It all feels right, especially the shaking, facial expressions and crying, it feels good and relieving.
I would really appreciate any guidance, insight or help of any kind in what this is and how to deal with it most effectively. Chakra blockages, no doubt about it. Blockages in the flow of life force energy.
When I first started doing breathwork while in a state where I could really feel my energy field, I was breathing deeply into it and feeling all the blockages and some pretty crazy things happened, my body cramped up and I was getting mild visions of a second body rising up out of my body, it was completely contorted and distorted, like it was an inversion of whats natural, and it seemed like it was coming into the light, it didn't resist it but it was reacting to it, like it was so unused to the light. I got scared and stopped and this second body, dropped right back into my body.
A week or so later I coincidentally got the chance to do a holotropic breathwork session, I got the cramps again, its pretty normal, they told us this might happen. More recently, when I do breathwork, I cramp up really heavily, my left hand especially. My wrists and lips cramp up, its called tetany, I don't feel like theres anything dangerous about it, but it can get a bit scary and it takes a while to wear off when you finish, thats when it gets painful, its like when you come out of the cold and your hands start warming up, it gets painful when your hands start unnumbing.
What happens before the cramps come on is I feel these extreme sensations in my chakras, pins and needles so intense its scary the first time, it eventually covers my whole chest, belly and hands/wrists. I've never felt anything like it in my life, it starts with my upper heart chakra, then hits the solar plexus and sacral chakra. I don't feel it at the root chakra (it doesn't reach the hips or below. I feel it at the throat chakra too, it reaches my chin.
I feel lots of emotions when I do this, some of them are very bizarre emotions. Like horror movie type emotions, they don't hurt or anything, but they are kind of menacing feelings. Like what would a very negative entity feel like if you could perceive its energy, I reckon it would be like that. I can blast myself, all the feelings, the blockages, the beliefs, all of it with self forgiveness, compassion and love while doing this, and thats when things get really intense. I usually burst into tears immediately, my face takes on really intense emotional expressions. I start shaking, then I really start shaking. It feels right, so when I just go with the flow and let this process deepen, it gets more and more intense. On top of the shaking, I start roaring and my facial expressions turn to what I can only describe as demonic. Its all okay, it feels right, and my soul always gives me a massive thank you afterwards, like I relieved some pressure.
I believe its trauma thats buried so deep and that I am so scared to face, that it resists coming into the light like crazy. It resists being forgiven and accepting love and compassion because this process means it will come into the light, and these parts of my psyche have been rejected and locked away in the subconscious for so long that theres a kind of clash, they feel rejected and abandoned. So very much like a child that feels rejected by his/her mother, initially in the early stages of them feeling accepted once again, they tend to lash out and act out the rejection they felt. Then come the tears, and the love and they can accept acceptance once again.
Deep trauma, it seems pretty hardcore dealing with it I must say. This is what blocks chakras, blocks the flow of life force, causes depression and all these things. I got traumatised in stages, each one when I look back on it, I see I wouldn't be traumatised by it now, it was just how I perceived it at the time. My latest traumatic experiences, they have been the worst and they've caused blockages in the heart chakra. There were blockages there to begin with, but now its really blocked. Doctors would call this major depression, theres a complete inability to feel anything there. Sometimes I feel this extreme crushing pressure in my heart and it can turn into love instantly like flipping a switch.
When releasing trauma and chakra blockages, where should you start? I heard of people working on lower chakras and working their way up. I don't really know how to do that, this process just happens when I do breathwork, and I don't focus on any chakra in particular, I just let it happen. My heart of course is what I want to unblock above all else, but its all interconnected, I feel how my solar plexus affects my heart chakra, how the sacral affects the solar plexus. From a psychological perspective, self esteem affects our ability to accept and love ourselves. Sexuality can have a huge impact on our self esteem, depending on how we've been programmed. Thats a key factor in all this, psychological conditioning and programming. So healing our beliefs affects how we can heal our psyche, chakras and emotions.
I'd really appreciate any insight or help anyone can offer on this. I've been equipped with all the tools I could need. It all comes down to self acceptance and love (which paradoxically opens the door to selflessness, unconditional love/compassion for others and that I can only call christ consciousness, bliss doesn't even come close to capturing the awe inspiring, earth shattering nature of it). Transcending suffering just happens naturally when the veil of separation is penetrated. I was dead set on destroying my ego, but my stance has changed, why not befriend it instead.