Not sure whats happening

I'm hesitant to tell my story, but this seems to be the only place to do it. I lost a childhood friend/ex bf 5 years ago, this past Thursday. We hadn't communicated for several years before his passing. Other than hearing how each other were doing through mutual friends, there was no contact. The friendship ended because of me and what I was going through at the time, and so life went on. I heard he was having problems and I told his brother-in-law to let him know if he ever needed anything, I would be happy to help. a couple years later I was walking out of work and I had a strange random thought of "how would I feel if I knew he had died?" I thought for a minute about it and then dismissed the thought. 2 days later my best friend came to my work and asked if I was going to "the visitation." I had no clue what she was talking about. Of course turns out that he had passed away in his sleep. Weird, I know! I've had similar experiences, but that's the first with someone passing. I was devastated! I began to have dreams. Some of them have been loving and others are about me trying to figure out what went wrong with his death. How it all could have been prevented. Others I'm trying to find him. I can feel his presence but I just cant seem to connect, or he's distant and wont talk. The last two years around the anniversary of his death I begin to feel overwhelmed. During this time I can't think of anything else. My feelings become irrational, I cry and I can't sleep. I feel like he wants something, but I don't know what it is. I went to a medium, and I don't feel she was very helpful. I don't know if she was legit. She wasn't able to communicate with him herself. She said he had some sort of a barrier around him. That he was able to communicate but wasn't. My spirit guides said these experiences with him were supposed to help my spiritual growth. She said I have medium abilities and that I need to meditate. I had a dream that night and I heard his voice for the first time in a decade. It was like hearing him through a very weak phone line. I got an image (like a thought) of him talking to one of our mutual friends, but I could hear him. He was trying to find me and get my address. Today is his birthday and I'm feeling better. I always do after these anniversaries are over. It hardly crosses my mind through out the rest of the year. I'm sorry this is weird and so long. So much has happen over the years. Does anyone else go through this?

Originally Posted by ALE221

I'm hesitant to tell my story, but this seems to be the only place to do it. I lost a childhood friend/ex bf 5 years ago, this past Thursday. We hadn't communicated for several years before his passing. Other than hearing how each other were doing through mutual friends, there was no contact. The friendship ended because of me and what I was going through at the time, and so life went on. I heard he was having problems and I told his brother-in-law to let him know if he ever needed anything, I would be happy to help. a couple years later I was walking out of work and I had a strange random thought of "how would I feel if I knew he had died?" I thought for a minute about it and then dismissed the thought. 2 days later my best friend came to my work and asked if I was going to "the visitation." I had no clue what she was talking about. Of course turns out that he had passed away in his sleep. Weird, I know! I've had similar experiences, but that's the first with someone passing. I was devastated! I began to have dreams. Some of them have been loving and others are about me trying to figure out what went wrong with his death. How it all could have been prevented. Others I'm trying to find him. I can feel his presence but I just cant seem to connect, or he's distant and wont talk. The last two years around the anniversary of his death I begin to feel overwhelmed. During this time I can't think of anything else. My feelings become irrational, I cry and I can't sleep. I feel like he wants something, but I don't know what it is.

As I stood watching my nephew's casket lowered into the ground I said to myself, "I wonder how it would feel if someone very close to me died" ...
At my nephew's funerary reception, my husband told me & our kids had been in a fender bender w/a road raged young man. That was the 2nd time my late husband had been involved in a road rage collision. I knew it was going to happen again to him, but not when ...

Nine months later he was killed by a road rage driver in roll over collision that crushed his head. From the investigations, as w/the other accidents, my husband was not at fault. You could say it was the Law of Attraction at work, but whatever - I found out what it felt like to lose a cathected soulmate ...

Generally, grief is triggered around a b-day, death anniversary & holidays ...
What you are doing is grieving; grief has no set date to end ...
The only thing he wants is for you to live a good life ...
What you need to do is grieve w/purpose as well as learn coping skills ...
After 7 yrs, I still have my heart strings pulled around special times but I know how to prepare if for some out of the blue reason grief becomes like it was the first 3yrs ...

You may want to read "Hello from Heaven" by Bill & Judy Guggenheim ...
I've had many experiences including the paranormal since my husband's death ...
However, I think you might find it quite interesting to learn of the similar experiences by others ...

Thank you so much for your story. I'm so sorry about your husband. I definitely feel that I still grieve over the fact that there wasn't a resolution or any closure before his passing. I'm very sad about that. There have been a couple years that the anniversaries have came and went, without even a thought of it. I guess what gets me the most is that I keep having odd experiences. I guess I should also do a post on the medium board.