what are men attracted to in women

[SeaZen]

Originally Posted by White Wolf

Gentlemen,

I realise that none of you can answer on behalf of every man any more than I can answer on behalf of every woman ... but here goes, anyway.

John said [paraphrasing] that all men want to be loved unconditionally, and SeaZen indicated that men don’t mind being seduced occasionally...

So here are my questions.


1. How is a woman supposed to respond when a man asks her repeatedly if she is in love with him, and then seems annoyed and disbelieving when she finally admits that yes, she is in love with him?
2. How is a woman supposed to respond to a man who is clearly [physically] attracted to her, when she attempts to seduce him and yet at a certain point, he rejects her?

Any insight would be very deeply appreciated, because I’m at the point of waving a white flag and walking away before I get hurt any more.


White Wolf.

Hello White Wolf!

Actually, I like being seduced more than occasionally, I just said that to ease you women into the idea . I cant answer the first question as I dont behave in that manner and cannot understand why a guy would act that way so I will leave it to someone else. I will however try to tackle the second one.

Im not sure I understand the context of your second question, but I will assume that this is a person you are trying to meet and/or recently met and are trying to have a relationship with. In other words, this is not a boyfriend you are already having sex with as that was the context of my earlier response though I also do love getting seduced as you described. BTW, this is the question posed in most womens magazines as well so you are not alone in your confusion about this. Let me give you my take on what is happening.

First of all, let me explain to you the nature of guys. We are visually and sexually stimulated when we first see a desirable woman. In other words our first thought and impulse when we first see a woman we desire is "wow, it would be great to have sex with her!". So we go with it that impulse and chat her up.

As the evening moves forward we come down to earth from our base impulse and realize, hey, this is about more than just the sex, she wants a relationship as well so we then try to determine if this is someone we want for more than just sex i.e. a relationship. There are 2 possible answers to this

1) "Yes we would love to have sex with you but no we do not wish to pursue a relationship with you".
2) "Yes we would love to have sex with you AND pursue a relationship with you"

Number one is clearly a mixed signal that contributes to confusion. It looks as if you may fall into the first category with this particular individual White Wolf. If it is your intent to only have sex without the strings of a subsequent relationship with this guy, you should make this very verbally clear to him in which case Im sure he will respond positively.

Guys have thankfully evolved and we do not wish to act on our base sexual impulse with someone who clearly wants more just to drop them and move on after we had our taste of sugar and leave her devastated. That was how guys acted in the distant past thank God.

Do not let this discourage you from actively pursuing and seducing guys! Women reject us all the time for whatever reason at whatever stage in the seduction process and Im sure many of you have done some rejecting in the past. Its tough on us as well when we get rejected but we learned from an early age to bounce back and move forward. Im sure every guy remembers the extreme pain we felt when asking a girl to dance at age 14 at the school dance just to get rejected.

Godessess, welcome to our world! Its all part of the dance. Some may respond favorably at first and not want to follow through, some may follow through. Now you know what its like when the shoe is on the other foot . The trick is not to invest too much emotion in a guy you just met and to never ever judge yourself as unworthy if you get rejected.

I have a girlfriend who plays by "The Rules". She insists it is the only way to "get a man"..! [Personally I'd rather not HAVE one if I can't attract him simply by being myself, primarily because I don't want to be someone I'm NOT for the rest of my life..!] I don't put much store in her opinions on this subject, but she did say something once that made me laugh and had a ring of truth to it. She said if you want a man to disappear from your life and never bother you again, don't tell him straight up to do so... that will only present a challenge, and he'll NEVER leave! The quickest way to get a man out of your life, according to her, is to say the following..."I want to marry you and have your children!" She says they will be out of there so fast they'll leave skid marks on your driveway!!!

Of course I realize this adage does not apply to all men...I'm not so silly or shallow as to believe there are no men seeking love, marriage and family! But in the early part of a budding relationship, strong protestations of love from the woman DO seem to scare a man off.... even though they've been in hot pursuit and seeming to WANT them! Maybe she's right to a degree when she says from the male perspective it's all about the challenge. Remove that completely from the page prematurely and POOF! He'll be gone.

[I know you were asking your questions of men, White Wolf, so I hope you'll forgive me for jumping in with my two cents..! ]

In relation to the first question - from my view, as a guy, I would have to say the annoyance would come from the answer taking so long. The disbelief would be related to that. Perhaps there is a certain 'directness' with most men. I realize that I'm the exception to the rule on many things - if a woman were attracted to me in all ways - I would want her to say so. This is because I don't like this 'emotional dilly-dallying'. When things are put out, it clears the air - and that's what I like. Then I know where she stands, and then I can give her an honest answer where I stand. I have emotions - but I'm not 'emotional'.

As for the second question - unfortunately I have had bad experiences with women (online) who would 'seduce' me and I would wind up getting really hurt. So - I don't really 'do' this seduction thing, and this is why I like things to be 'up front' and 'open'.

I do not wish to marry or to have kids either.

I'm no 'landsman' - I do not have the 'disposition' of a 'landsman'. I'm an 'old school' sailor. My frankness has often been a put off to many because I don't 'play the game' (which I think is stupid to begin with).

My boyfriend is basically 'if she has a pretty smile thats all that matters'....i think theres more to it than that but thats what he likes.

Alot of you guys on here are saying how you like confident women but alot of guys ive come across are intimidated by myself. I am a strong, confident young lady. I know my self, im sure of myself and i have my own opions and am not afraid to express them. Im sure of myself in who i am and sexually and im not afraid to express either. However when some men meet me im sure they are intimidated or is that all part of it?!

You are all bvery confusing.

Originally Posted by Kapitan_Prien

I do not wish to marry or to have kids either.

I'm no 'landsman' - I do not have the 'disposition' of a 'landsman'. I'm an 'old school' sailor. My frankness has often been a put off to many because I don't 'play the game' (which I think is stupid to begin with).

It's good you don't play games. Women who want something other than what you can freely offer know to look for those things elsewhere, and no one gets hurt

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by SeaZen

A great idea, however, why not start a separate thread on what women want? I mean, we do have the space for it and this way we (us guys) can focus exclusively on what our lovely, sensual, sexy godessess desire!

Maybe later, we can put it all together in a super thread of ectastic joy and reconciliation!

LOL...SeaZen & Kapitan...I read your deepest wishes....LOL...Kapitan's sounds a bit easier to fulfill...I jest. In all seriousness...and I grant that I of course do not speak for every woman...I will tell you right now that for me...

The only way I can be these things...[you have to be the tigress...faking it is pretty cheesy]...is with the man I love, heart and soul. With anyone else 1) nothing is happening...not interested and 2) couldn't fake it if I wanted to, which I don't.

So, if you want a woman to be & do these things for you, LOL...IMO you need to be the other half of her soul. In which case she would go to the ends of the earth and be the tigress on at least a regular basis, and would be at least passionate & loving the rest of the time.

Cheers!
7L

[Kaere]

Originally Posted by LightFilledHeart

It's good you don't play games. Women who want something other than what you can freely offer know to look for those things elsewhere, and no one gets hurt

I agree. I don't understand about why people play games either, men and women alike. There's something there that they want but they don't want to commit to it and so they keep it in the background or something? A fail-safe, something to fall back on, to massage the ego? And that can be very hurtful. I don't know how to play whatever game it is that goes on. I've always spoken out and been honest about my feelings for a person - it's no reason to panic and run away either. Being honest in return is always appreciated.

Imagine how different the world would be if people actually communicated with each other, and it wasn't all down to "what does he mean? did she say that and mean this? was that a joke?" or putting our own voices to the words.

7Luminaries: Kapitan's sounds a bit easier to fulfill

Ah - that's just cause I'm an old geezer. (I'm physically 30 though)

Kaere: Imagine how different the world would be if people actually communicated with each other, and it wasn't all down to "what does he mean? did she say that and mean this? was that a joke?" or putting our own voices to the words.

Exactly!

[John32241]

Originally Posted by White Wolf

Gentlemen,

I realise that none of you can answer on behalf of every man any more than I can answer on behalf of every woman ... but here goes, anyway.

John said [paraphrasing] that all men want to be loved unconditionally, and SeaZen indicated that men don’t mind being seduced occasionally...

So here are my questions.


1. How is a woman supposed to respond when a man asks her repeatedly if she is in love with him, and then seems annoyed and disbelieving when she finally admits that yes, she is in love with him?
2. How is a woman supposed to respond to a man who is clearly [physically] attracted to her, when she attempts to seduce him and yet at a certain point, he rejects her?

Any insight would be very deeply appreciated, because I’m at the point of waving a white flag and walking away before I get hurt any more.


White Wolf.

Hello White Wolf,

You do ask some very good questions.

I am not sure that you can appreciate how much most men are afraid to place their trust in a woman. Naturally most guys will go to their grave in denial. Yet in my view, the evidence says otherwise.

Now the question is, how does a girl deal with such a thing, if it is true naturally. So here are a few things to consider, as I see it.

When a girl is angry with a guy, she does need to express her degree of her frustration without frightening him. Easier said than done for sure, for it does require some composure.

For question (1), the thought that comes to the guy is why? His logical mind will create all kinds of reasons that can trouble him quite a bit. So if you reach a point where you speak of your love for a guy, explain to him authentically those things about him that touch you the most.

For question (2), understand how question one will influence his feelings. What is the ladies motivation or reason for saying that She Loves him? Why does he have such a hard time with trust? For every guy, there is a list of reasons that all go back to his fears and concerns about a woman's true motivations.

It is not really unconditional love that a guy requires. It is an open and honest exchange of authentic thoughts and feelings. Something that does not happen all that often in our culture at this time, as I see it naturally.

There are some deep insights in that material that I posted from Kryon. If you are inclined to ignore them, then there is little that I can say that would help anyone.

John

John: It is an open and honest exchange of authentic thoughts and feelings.

....Exactly!