My dad died fairly recently. I was deeply attached to him, to the point where I'd say no one ever understood me like he did. It was a precious relationship.
He died suddenly and my world turned upside down. I've been feeling like I've been thrown into an alternate universe because I have such a hard time accepting that it really happened in mine. I also feel like a protective layer around me has been scraped off.
The problem I have is related to my relationship with all things spiritual - that I've been interested in and connected to since I was a child.
After his death, I feel like my beliefs have been shaken up.
Two reasons - one is that my mind can't comprehend that someone who was down here with us, is now somewhere else in some other state. It's too much to process I'd say. I've never lost someone so close.
The other is that I'm afraid I could get too deep in those beliefs, making myself deny the reality I'm currently facing.
The things I've believed about the afterlife before now seem like a consolation, too good to be true.
I've always felt connected to some of the people from my family who have died before I was born or soon after, so it was natural for me that I interact with them in a certain way. Dad was always right here. But if he's now with them, it's just... too beautiful a thought to let myself keep the belief.
I've had dreams about him where I actually felt he was there, and if it was someone else I'd believe so, but now that it's him I'm afraid it's wishful thinking.
I've had little "signs" - things that would be really interesting even if they were coincidental.
But somehow I'm so full of fear that I don't even dare to believe what I've always believed.
Guys I'm not even sure what I'm looking for with this post, I just had to talk about it.
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