I dont believe in signs but seriously.......

Hello everyone, to be honest, I dont look for signs and I hate asking God for signs. I am not good at differentiating a real sign between my imagination and its great inventions or if it is just coincidence. However, I had an experience that I would like to share and I know some of you have better judgement than me and can definitely enlighten me.
My ex and I broke up more than 5 years ago and I know for a fact me and him will NEVER EVER be together. (I posted a thread about him on this website). He always tells me that he will never love me again and he is very abusive verbally. He will purposely say hurtful things to me. With that said, I've been wanting to move on and never look back. But I can't. It's been more than 5 years and I've been praying soooo much, recite psalm, meditate and everything so I could move on. I recently tried something called cord cutting. Although it has helped me control my emotions a little but I am still in love with this guy. I ask God if he is not the one for me (Im 100%sure he is not the one) to let me move on. But the more I pray, the more in love I become. My head is convinced that me and him have no future and no matter how hard my head tries to convince my heart, it's always an epic failure. There's always that voice inside of me that would randomly repeat his name inside my head. Even when I am thinking about something that has nothing to do with him, his name will just pop out out of nowhere. It's just annoying. One Sunday, I went to church praying, telling God how I can't deal with this love anymore and need to move on. And while I was praying, in front of me was a guy that looks exactly like him. My mother who was with me noticed and told me "look at this guy, he looks exactly just like your ex". Another time, I asked my mother to let me borrow one of her praying booklets. She had a few and reads them every night. I wanted to read some prayers from one of her booklets before I go to bed. I wanted to try new prayers so God can give me the strenght to move on. So when my mother handled me the book, I looked at it and on the cover, there it is, his first name written in big letters. And no he doesn't have a common name. It was a picture of a Saint and he got the same name as the Saint. One afternoon, I was missing him and I felt overwhelmed so again I decided to meditate and pray. Then I took a nap. First vision I had when I closed my eyes was his last name written in my walls and my ceillings. I have many other signs, like the other day, I was sleeping and I heard my dead grandmother talking to me. I was telling her how this relationship is haunting me and I know me and this guy will never come back. And she told me "i need to be patient" (whatever that means). And mind u, I dream of this guy almost every night but I never see his face but I just feel his presence in my dreams. And the very few times, he shows his face in my dreams, he always try to hide himself from me or stay behind curtains, or locks himself inside a room so he wont have to deal with me. Anyway, I don't really believe in dreams, signs like that but I hate it on how this relationship is taking a toll on me emotionally. I keep telling myself it's over. He told me it's over. But my heart and my instinct still feel like it's not over. At the same time, with my right and sober mind, I know there's no way, no future for us. There are no miracles that can bring him back. He really doesn't love me. But these dreams, these so-called "signs", him being on my mind all the time, convincing my heart to let go, etc...this is frustrating. I dont know what's up with all of that cause I'm ready to close the book and move on without him in my life. It's just something is seriously holding me back.

What I can say is your soul is persistent in wanting to be healed ...
She wants to know she can trust you with caring for her ...
You might want to start w/learning about abuse to understand it to get to the next steps of grieving it out properly, soothing yourself & building self esteem ...
All people are connected by their need for "meaning" ...
Breaking up was a healthy decision, but that alone will not & has not answered questions about the abuse you endured ...
It requires healing work ...
Remember, God helps those who help themself ...
You have to do the work to make sure you never allow yourself to be sucked into a sick relationship ever again ...
You can give God all your troubles, but ultimately you get them back if you have not learned to be loving & caring for yourself as God intended ...
All you have to do is love yourself enough to heal ...

Thank you livingkarma. I am trying?.

To me, it sounds like in your head, you know you still love him (as you have said). But in your heart, because it hurts, you haven't accepted that you love him. Strangely I often find that when I try to force myself to let go of something, praying and meditating and other activities, I only become more focused on it. And if I just accept that it's there and might always be that way, then I become more free and less obsessive. Perhaps if you stop praying about it, just accept that you love him and it hurts and it might be that way forever...it will feel empty and first...and then you will find yourself slowly wandering to where you want to be. Give God time to work on those prayers by trusting he's already heard them all. Believing that you don't need to pray or try anymore regarding him is part of letting go completely.
I wish you love and healing.

Originally Posted by tarotflower

To me, it sounds like in your head, you know you still love him (as you have said). But in your heart, because it hurts, you haven't accepted that you love him. Strangely I often find that when I try to force myself to let go of something, praying and meditating and other activities, I only become more focused on it. And if I just accept that it's there and might always be that way, then I become more free and less obsessive. Perhaps if you stop praying about it, just accept that you love him and it hurts and it might be that way forever...it will feel empty and first...and then you will find yourself slowly wandering to where you want to be. Give God time to work on those prayers by trusting he's already heard them all. Believing that you don't need to pray or try anymore regarding him is part of letting go completely.
I wish you love and healing.

Thank you for this great advice

[fire]

For any kind of distressful, painful, limiting, or undesired experiences, my first advice is to go to YouTube, look up a video titled "Tne Pulse Technique" by Deb Cummings, and follow the very simple instructions to address them with the subsequent energy transmission.

The energy transmission is a healing tool that will target any issue of you focus, to progressively eliminate all aspects of it, until the root cause eventually has been permanently cleared. You can use it as often as you like for anything you like, focusing upon one item per transmission, and the energy will initiate new processes to work on all of them simultaneously.

The transmission only takes about 4 minutes, after which you are good to go. The energy will then continue to work with you in a graceful and transparent manner, that leaves you only with the benefit of gradually becoming more of what your life is meant to be.