Unconditional Love - is it/or isn't it?

[Akira]

This came to me this morning so I am sharing this with you here.

I was battling with the whole unconditional love thing because oftentimes that is just not how it is.

I know that we are twins and that's that, there is no denying it.

However, when it comes to the unconditional part - I think that we are fundamentally wrong when we say that it is just there.

Now I know that I just love him, that part of the unconditional love is there. However I have recognized that there are times when he is mean or upsets me that the love that I feel can dip and dive. There is nothing unconditional about this.

One could say that I ought to just forgive him, however this itself is wrapped up in self worth and loving self. When we forgive other's who are rude to us and attempt to take away our power by bad behavior that is not unconditional love that is being a doormat.

To me there is no union without the balance of these states. So despite unconditional love there are sometimes conditions and behaviors that it is fair to require of each other.

My question I guess here is that unconditional love is not the key... Just loving someone does not mean that they won't steal from you, call you names or cheat on you (these are just examples by the way, twin didn't do these.)

How do we get beyond this part to the other part. I know internally that it is to do with worth and boundaries. When it comes to the tf relationship, this can be a sticky wicket.

The bottom line is that I love him, however I will not be treated in the way that I have recently experienced. The only problem is I have no idea what to do about it. The truth is we are not helped by the world at large with this kind of thing and despite having a certain idea on what I ought to do. I am a little confused re: areas where we go backwards.

His behavior bordered on co-dependent.
Now I concede that this all could be due to Mercury Retrograde and that maybe I ought to just wait it out & the fact that we are in a waning moon energy too, plus the 12/12 gateway and the fact that we have the 21 Solstice coming up too.

Hmmmm, this could be the reason I feel dis-connected from him!!!

However, just in case you guys have some morsels of hidden wisdom I would be really grateful for your thoughts.
Thanks for reading

I reckon you have to register your disapproval of behaviour you don't like but unconditional love is still possible. You have to accept things unconditionally with this person that ordinarily you wouldn't like simply because they're part of what makes him the person he is which (hopefully) you like.

The whole being greater than the sum of the parts, so to speak.

Not so sure about this forgive thing. It's assumes judgement over the qualities of another person, something we have a right to do when we invite them into our lives, not wanting abrasive stuff to disturb our peace and wellbeing. But yes, it's balance. Does the enhancement they give to your life outweigh the problems?

I reckon you have to talk firmly to him. Call it boundaries if you want or tolerance but in as calm a voice as possible make it clear you don't like whatever it is. Be like a manager having to take something up with a recalcitrant employee. If he doesn't like being berated, if he back-answers stay calm and say you've said your piece, there's no issue to discuss or fight over. I can't believe that if a relationship is worth anything at all, most things can't be sorted out unless they're relationship busters anyway. I've always had the rule to sort something out before you go to sleep that night. Sort today's problems today, sort of thing - then they don't get bottled up.

I believe that if people's expectations of each other aren't too demanding they can get very close to unconditional love. There are always going to be expectations in an intimate relationship, ground rules to be set and you just have to talk things through if they're broken.

All the best.

[Christian Male]

Forgiveness assumes judgement over the qualties of another individual? How’s about, forgiveness is a conscious decision that someone makes which allows that individual to grow both spiritually and emotionally and causing the individual to learn to be less judgemental, if anything. None of us should ever accept bad or demeaning behavior from anyone towards us. I thinks it’s okay to set boundaries and let people know where we stand and what is expected in any relationship. I think we can all agree, that In those rare but special circumstances where everything comes together at the right time and place for a certain select (I’m using the term broadly) few, that there is something supernatural about these connections and that these connections were meant to be for whatever reasons there are. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in a relationship that is meant to be, I think more often than not everything will be simpler, easier, and more enjoyable etc.. Some people recognize this from the moment they meet, others eventually learn it, while yet others might never will and which lends credence to the idea that some souls are just more awake than others.

[ssdm1]

I think it's two separate things. You can love someone unconditionally and still not allow them to treat you poorly. It's about showing the other person you wish to be treated with respect and dignity yet allowing that love for them.

For me I feel that unconditional love for my twin deep in my soul. On a more shallow level I can feel differently and let him know if something he's done is not acceptable. For example, he was wrong to not tell me he had a serious girlfriend and I explained to him how that made me feel and that kind of behavior was not acceptable to me. That I wanted honesty between us. He understood. Even though I'm not happy about his omission of information, and that affects my surface feelings, I do love him unconditionally.

Hope that makes sense

[FairyCrystal]

Isn't it a matter of loving yourself unconditionally first? You cannot love another unconditionally if you don't love yourself that way.
And most of us don't, at least that's my belief. We always are so focused on loving another unconditionally that we forget it's first and foremost about our relationship with ourselves.
Plus, loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean you put up with cr@p. When you say "yes" to you and "no" to the other, you can still love them to bits.
Your love for him likely dips because at such moments your align with you and your inner being gets wobbly.

In any case, I've said it before and will say it again, grin:
I always feel people are way to focused -blindsided almost- by this unconditional love thing between TFs.
I think we should spend more time in aligning with our inner being, cos that's what it's all about. When you're aligned, you can do, have, and be anything you want. Including get closer to unconditional love.
I think a good step in that direction is aiming for an interdependent relationship.

Also... does unconditional love mean you stay serene and calm regardless what happens?
Maybe Jesus could do that. But do you stop loving someone you truly love when you get PO? I doubt it. What happens is that you lose your connection with you when you get angry, scared, or PO.
Not saying this is so, I'm kind of asking. I find it a difficult concept myself. In all honesty I think none of us are ready yet for unconditional love. I think we are slowly working towards it, but I doubt whether that will be reached in this lifetime. I dare say it is not...

[Ariaecheflame]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

I think it's two separate things. You can love someone unconditionally and still not allow them to treat you poorly. It's about showing the other person you wish to be treated with respect and dignity yet allowing that love for them.

For me I feel that unconditional love for my twin deep in my soul. On a more shallow level I can feel differently and let him know if something he's done is not acceptable. For example, he was wrong to not tell me he had a serious girlfriend and I explained to him how that made me feel and that kind of behavior was not acceptable to me. That I wanted honesty between us. He understood. Even though I'm not happy about his omission of information, and that affects my surface feelings, I do love him unconditionally.

Hope that makes sense

That is how I feel a as well.

Unconditional love comes from the core of our being and if someone oversteps a boundary or we feel hurt in some way by their words or actions- it is in our core being to still love them even if we choose to walk away from them.

When we are aligned from our core - and feel unconditional love for ourselves - seeing ourselves as perfectly acceptable and worthy of love on all levels than we are able to lovingly walk away from someone who has overstepped our personal boundries.

Self love in this instance than becomes an act of self love for one and all.

We also show others love when we model this kind of self loving behaviour to others.

In this way we are also already accepting of others... even if we are hurt by them - we are able to see that their choices are their own as beings of free will... and in fact may actually be serving some greater purpose than we can percieve in that instance.

When we see ourselves in this way we begin to develop trust in ourselves to direct our own lives and then are able to begin to trust others to be the directors of their own lives.

This is how I have come to experience unconditional love...
It feels to me like a stance of observance of others and self... free from attachment but at the same time - desiring the best for others - it is love which acts as one organisim... so pain of another is my pain... but on the flip side - hope for connection is a shared hope...
In this state it actually feels as though all forgiveness has actually already been given...
After all it is called 'for' iveness - it comes before... it is already assumed.

Of course these are just my current feelings and thoughts...

And I agree with Fairy - self love mastery comes first. Jesus spoke alot about self love.

[psychegrl]

Forget loving other people unconditionally, what about loving yourself unconditionally! Brene Brown has an amazing short video that I will link below where she talks about how people who are the compassionate have the most boundaries. That means that if we are to have people around us and love them the way we want to, unconditionally, we have to have boundaries. Undesired behaviors don't get glossed over but addressed immediately so that the love can continue.

https://youtu.be/BESvQB6J5rc