Close One Door before you Open Another Door

[Lynn]

Hello

I find that so many times I am asked to do a reading for a Twin Flame relationship to find out "how to get them" and I give my head a shake. First off when a reader does a reading on a relationship you only have the permissions of the person getting the reading to be involved. As a reader ethically you do not have the permissions to read the other person. The only thing as a reader that can be picked up is the energy around the relationship.

Too many times we fail to see that before we can open another door we have to close the current door to the relationship we are in. Look at it like this, your coming home to your front door....you have a screen door on it but you do not want to open that one first to get into your front door. Can you do this.....no you would have to break past the screen door. So its the same with that wanting a Twin Flame. You would have to force a situation to open.

I read over and over again about wanting a Twin Flame connection and they seem to be in a relationship or are what we term a "runner". What we do not always stop and take into consideration is that we are "INDIVIDUALS" in our being that we are born a solo being that has an ability to energy connect to another. That does not mean that the other has that same energy pull to us. They might well be in a bad relationship that you see they should get out of and be with you. This is not always possible for many reasons. They might not be ready to complete that path in the life lessons it brings to the Soul.


We too have an EGO at play at times that wants to at times 'win' something in the relationship or get stuck in that place I did "I can fix him" place of being. You can not fix someone that does not see they have an issue with addiction you only go along for the ride. We again are individuals that have a path for our Soul to walk, yet we are at times conditioned that we have to find that someone to complete us.

I spent 33 years in an abusive relationship and I never connected to this man on that pure spiritual level, so why did I stay ? I had a life path to complete I had to learn lessons so that I could be where I am today. While I would never say to anyone stay in a bad place like I was in, for me it was the path I had to walk. Where many would have come out damaged I some how grew stronger from the path I walked.

I met my now husband here on SF but never did either of us think that we would be a couple on the romantic sense of things. So many factors were in the path for both of us, yet it was meant to be by the hands of the Universe. We never forced anything to happen, it just happened. We knew we had feelings for the other person but too we knew that we were both in toxic relationships that needed that door closed so that the new one could open.

For me I needed to have that first door open so that I could see that the second door into the home could open. If I had broken the first door by letting the emotions rule the roost I would have given away all my power to leave my relationship. I would have opened a door to where the ex would have had the upper hand and more power. I would have put the kids into that place where they might have had to see their Father.

I played the cards I was dealt one card at a time. I put on my poker face til I could find out all the information needed to get free. It is not just a matter of saying "I am done" in a relationship and walking away most times. There usually is personal property to settle, there is separation supports to sort out, property at times to sale. Add to this kids and you open yet another door that had to be closed off before you open the new door of life.

There is a statement that I have learned to live by "look before you leap". Make sure your looking ahead with your eyes wide open and not your heart closed to only what "YOU" want as that other person might not be ready for that place in time to be open to them. Be ready to be alone. To be individual to walk a solo path.

For me it worked out but it cost a lot of $$$$ to get there, not something we all have access to so that we can get there. Remember that life at times is not a free ride. Again can you close that door to open the next door ?

Does your EGO driven heart rule or has your brain stepped forwards to logically look at things. That "what if" factor has to be there in play. What if the other does not truly want to commit, what if things like a Govt body will not let those borders dissolve into one. What if money might be a factor and you do not have it ? So many factors one has to take into consideration its not just that I want the other person in play.

Remember its not fair to play relationship games even if we are at the point I was at where I could have killed whom I was with. I gave the opportunity for one last chance to change to the EX, I then broke free, gave proper notice it was done, took proper legal actions to show it was done. Followed the immigration protocols and we came out on top.

This is not the case for all and there are times when your not meant to have your Twin Flame in this lifetime it might take many lifetimes to have them. It is something that is not in the hands of us it is truly most times in the hands of the Universe and what is pre planned in your Soul Contract.


Lynn

[rebeccawisdom]

well said, thankyou lynn. It really is in the hands of the universe! the more we heal and strengthen the connection with ourselves, the more we stop trying to control it.

Yes, very well said Lynn.

[Delay_Reaction]

Very nice post Lynn. Maybe one of the best I've read on these forums.

It's just... 33 years is a long time to stay in an abusive relationship. If I meet my TF and we feel this eternal bond between us, is it not our responsibility to tell each other when we should leave that relationship which doesn't fulfill us?

It's not like I want her to leave someone to be with me (although that is what my ego wants). Deep down all I want is for her to be happy. And I know that right now, she's not doing what will make her happy (yes I know this for a fact by staying in a stupid relationship with a stupid person). She isn't even married to this person. She couldn't even leave this person when she was cheating on him with me. Okay I'm starting to go off the rails here, but seriously, there is nothing I can see in that relationship that compares to what we had or could have if we decided to be together fully.

I know what you're thinking. That I should go work on my own happiness. But I am happy. But seeing my twin in a sub-optimal relationship making sub-optimal happiness choices destroys me.

This is the feeling I want to get rid of. I can only think of 2 ways that will do that.

1) Be in a relationship with her (and make her happy)
2) Cut the connection I have with her by destroying our friendship and cutting those bonds completely so I can be free of this suffering I feel.

These are 2 polar opposite outcomes. I can go either way. That's how extreme I feel about this situation.

I'm very happy to read your story as it gives me hope... but I do not want to wait years to end my suffering as you did. I want it to end NOW.

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

Very nice post Lynn. Maybe one of the best I've read on these forums.

It's just... 33 years is a long time to stay in an abusive relationship. If I meet my TF and we feel this eternal bond between us, is it not our responsibility to tell each other when we should leave that relationship which doesn't fulfill us?


When your in it time has no meaning or context til your out of it. Nothing was in my name and I had factors of his family having "power"
from money to worry on and me going well POOF. Not something most face in life's path.

I too late in life had three kids that we were told we both could never have so again the Universe had plans for me and I guess my body. I too was told by a very gifted Psychic in England that the Universe had it all planned out for me that I would OK with it all and grow. Cruel life path in some ways I guess and good life lessons in other ways.

It's not like I want her to leave someone to be with me (although that is what my ego wants). Deep down all I want is for her to be happy. And I know that right now, she's not doing what will make her happy (yes I know this for a fact by staying in a stupid relationship with a stupid person). She isn't even married to this person. She couldn't even leave this person when she was cheating on him with me. Okay I'm starting to go off the rails here, but seriously, there is nothing I can see in that relationship that compares to what we had or could have if we decided to be together fully.


it takes TWO people to want a relationship to work and at times to leave is just a stepping stone that leads to nothing. We might want something that we are not yet ready for.

I know what you're thinking. That I should go work on my own happiness. But I am happy. But seeing my twin in a sub-optimal relationship making sub-optimal happiness choices destroys me.

We do have to work on us.....and when someone is in a relationship its not that easy to just up and go. Married or not there are laws in place at times for supports. We have to also be ready for that what is we do get the person and the Universe takes them from us in death then what we are again alone.

This is the feeling I want to get rid of. I can only think of 2 ways that will do that.

1) Be in a relationship with her (and make her happy)
2) Cut the connection I have with her by destroying our friendship and cutting those bonds completely so I can be free of this suffering I feel.

These are 2 polar opposite outcomes. I can go either way. That's how extreme I feel about this situation.

I'm very happy to read your story as it gives me hope... but I do not want to wait years to end my suffering as you did. I want it to end NOW.

For me its two fold did I suffer I guess so but too I was only 18 and it was my first relationship and I had no social network but his friends around me then. So I only knew working and coming home.
Nothing was open to me til after I had the kids and got into a larger city centre and the schools.

I too lived in that fear of money over me....that place of what could happen to me. I had to learn to trust beyond that one. I had to well "Grow Up "
to be an adult. Its not easy at times to break into your own space.
It was his addiction that opened the doors to be finding out whom I could be.
I worked for three years on Skid Row in Vancouver with an outreach program that gave me insights into what life issues were. I too learned that even though someone lives right on top of you they do not care to call 911 for your and get involved. That is the sad society life we live in at times.


I do not say to anyone in abuse to stay.....RUN and RUN fast but too I know its not always easy to do so. You have to prepare so that your out for good,
I do worry on the EX and I dread running into him. That might never leave me, yet better I know where he lives than not know.


I got out but too I got the lessons that were in my life path to complete. Same with my husband Heart, he had 18 years of abuse and a childhood full of nothing but abuse. So in a way he walked a similar path as me. It might have just been our paths so that we would work in this new life path as a team. Bringing in three teens that accept him is huge, so many tell me that one....that its rare.

Lynn

[rebeccawisdom]

I know its not always easy to do so. You have to prepare so that your out for good

I agree with this. I had to move back in with my parents, no jobs came up and it felt like I was stuck. I then realised that I had to move back in to learn where all my negative conditioning/codependency/love addiction came from, I re-experienced all the abuse from childhood but as a mature observer. Over time I was able to understand my mum's mental illness and I let go and reconnected with my true self, eventually I've been able to cut the chords/go no contact. People told me I needed to leave but I knew it was for a reason. It's not nice to admit that the negative things are meant to be but if you aren't vibrationally ready they will follow you around. I kept attracting people like my parents and it was traumatic, now I can live a peaceful life for the rest of my life.

[Eternal Flame]

Thanks for sharing Lynn. Very sober advice.

In my circumstance, which is different, I'm looking at 'being ready' for any possibility. Wanting to hurt all parties involved in the least way possible, but also protecting myself.

Because I've had a long history in my life of people making me the Scape Goat. So if I decide to basically be the bad guy and dissolve something, I refuse to be people's punching bags. People who aren't really here for me anyways. Who would happily roast me on a spit for wanting to leave a situation.

At least thankfully for me there is no abuse in my situation.

[Myvie]

I have been learning the hard way that the partner I so naively got back together with is a con artist selfish unable to respect piece of human garbage to put it nicely (or else I'm very angry still)
And fits the description of covert and parasitic narcissists almost perfectly. It's really disappointing and I have blown all my savings trying to get him moved with me and settled and stabilizsd and this is what I get now, now that I took on his debt and am completely trapped.
I dislike these types so so so much that I would be willing to kill myself or fake my own death and leave a note letting them know the long list of why they are sick, dispicable, hopeless, deceptive, sneaky, soulless scum and that it's all their fault people would rather die than let their kind trap them and continue treating them this way.

That is a very sick way of thinking that I would never condone or do until now dealing with this. I'm so infuriated and should have had more self-respect than to let this loser weasel his way through into my life.
So the fact that I would think like this is a huge problem or not a problem so much as an indicator that I have to sort something out inside of myself manageing this...

The poker face thing, the patience, the playing of cards.... im in such a cloud and trying to think of what I might be able to take from your story to try and improve this situation. I'm not sure whether to give up and clean cut before things get even worse, or if he is worth giving more of a chance. I don't think he is as deluded and far gone as many, not even close, but it's far worse than I can handle from another human being much less a partner right now, with the state my head is in.

33 years of handling an abusive relationship ... man, I don't know that I could... that is some serious strength.

Anyway I'm mostly ranting and missing the entire point of your thread basically, but thank you for sharing your story and also some sense about relationship games that are all too common