Silence

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by youngnostic

I've gone silent for 8 weeks once.
It started off as an experiment of 1 day, then 7, then 4 weeks, then culminated at 8.
It was extremely blissful, and my creative juices started flowing.
I wish I could be silent indefinitely, but again, in the West it's next to impossible.
Moving to a Jain monastery in India and never talking again as a Sadhu would be rad.
Good luck to you on your journey.

Thank you. I'm reminded about Guru Dakshinamurthy (a form of Siva) who taught the Sanatkumaras.

He would not speak at all...no words, no instructions...just gazing into the eyes of His 4 students...whenever their mind would wander, He would raise His thumb to His chin as if to say "here I am"...

Yeah, to gaze into the eyes of Siva for an eternity...I could so do that...

[running]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Salutations and adorations.

Over the past few days (years), I have come to realise that most of my existential angst and woe is the result of feeling I am not being listened to...not being heard...not being 'taken seriously'...not being acknowledged...not having my intellectual/emotional requirements met any place outside myself, so why do I even bother going outside myself to find it when the answers can all be found within?...and IF those answers can all be found within, what use are other people? What can they tell me that I don't already know either?

For days, I have been vacillating between 'people are just not ready for me' and 'people just don't deserve me' and of course, me being me, I also get to be the whole judge and jury of that.

I find myself needing to repeat things very often because others simply weren't paying attention the first, second, third or tenth time round and I feel like saying "SEX!!!...and now I have your attention, let's talk about spiritual stuff".

I can fully, fully understand why autistic people like myself either choose to be selectively mute or it just happens by itself as a consequence...it's impossible for anybody to understand them anyway, so why do they even bother talking at all? It just becomes a total waste of oxygen.

Then of course, there will be many who say to me 'you are only seeking attention...trying to big note yourself...this is just your ego talking" etc
Thing is, I could never understand the difference between 'attention seeking' and feeling the need to be acknowledged and listened to for healthy self-esteem to occur.

So, as I was still trying to get over the whole "majority of people are so wrapped up in themselves to even care you exist" it then hit me like a ton of bricks "why do you even bother talking at all if you feel like you are not being understood?" and I was reminded about the Hindu practice of "Antar Mouna" or "Inner Silence" and for that to be established...for that to occur internally, often it becomes very necessary to practice external silence first...not talking...not writing...not making body gesture...making others believe that you're entirely deaf, dumb, illiterate and don't know sign language.

It's impossible to live like that 24/7, but for the Sadhak (spiritual aspirant), one day a week is all that is needed. I choose to fast on Mondays and do my spiritual worship on Mondays...so Monday will also be the day I go off the internet, don't go out, don't watch TV, turn off my phone and cut all ties with any form of external reality so that I can achieve Antar Mouna.

Maybe, one day...a way down the track, I will take a total vow of silence in the world and find myself doing something like cleaning the grounds of a temple or polishing the statues therein...doing something to help mankind that doesn't necessarily relate to having the need to communicate with them in any way, shape of form....embrace my Awetizm fully and become a 'vegetable' to the ways of the world.

i nearly lost my mind during the accelerated part of my kundalini awakening. i wanted to scream at every living soul to understand the joy of spirit.

all the world is fighting over whom has the greatest god when in the end its joy.

everybody drinking, and partying is because they miss god and its joy.

so i wanted to scream especially about this.

so i did the only thing that came to me to do. on occasion i would say enough is enough. and then i would go into knowing and channeling mode. not something im accustomed to doing. a script came out of me and what came out would happen. then i became petrified because everything would then happen. feeling like the world is twilight zone movie. and i may of scared whom i was around when it happened.

so from there as the fear left me i thought the heck with it. all im doing is freaking myself out and maybe others. so i began to see things in a way that worked for me. i will deepen the bliss and in doing so i will become further along. and perhaps it may rub off on others. for me that has become a way that works for me.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by running

i nearly lost my mind during the accelerated part of my kundalini awakening. i wanted to scream at every living soul to understand the joy of spirit.

all the world is fighting over whom has the greatest god when in the end its joy.

everybody drinking, and partying is because they miss god and its joy.

so i wanted to scream especially about this.

so i did the only thing that came to me to do. on occasion i would say enough is enough. and then i would go into knowing and channeling mode. not something im accustomed to doing. a script came out of me and what came out would happen. then i became petrified because everything would then happen. feeling like the world is twilight zone movie. and i may of scared whom i was around when it happened.

so from there as the fear left me i thought the heck with it. all im doing is freaking myself out and maybe others. so i began to see things in a way that worked for me. i will deepen the bliss and in doing so i will become further along. and perhaps it may rub off on others. for me that has become a way that works for me.

Thank you so much running!

I occasionally go into direct 'channeling mode' but it's something I am not accustomed to or used to doing either. It also seems to happen when it wants to and not when I want it to, so I wish I could regulate this somehow.

I don't know why my soul is feeling so 'itchy' on here lately. It could have something to do with myself having specialised into a niche so much that either nobody is interested or can understand me, until I realise that r6r6 has it much worse in regards to this.

It could have something to do with the fact I would metaphorically kill to have an awesome debate on the Hindu religion for once, but that forum is as dead as a dodo and I'm the only one who ever posts there.

It could have something to do with the fact I want to shout my bliss from the rooftops too, only to be met with 'those are your experiences which in no way relate to or correspond to my own' and I dare not say 'well, you haven't experienced anything then'.

It could have something to do with the fact that people want to dissect and pick apart whatever I post, word by word without taking it in total or asking me what I mean by it, but hey...this is the internet!

It could have something to do with the fact that Siva doesn't even want me to be on here because He thinks it's a total waste of time and I have better things to do that involve an external life/awareness beyond a keyboard...I am deliberately disobeying Him.

It could have something to do with the fact I have said everything I can, over half of SF has me on 'ignore' and there aren't many members left on here anyway and I am ruing the fact I wasn't on here from the very start, when there were thousands of active members - before everybody left or got banned.

So, that's exactly how it is.