Letting go

I've undergone a lot of beatings and I am afraid they are going to hold me back. I don't want to hold others against what has happened. I really want to let go and stop caring about this in particular.

I feel like a hypocrite for asking for such, because i know what id say to myself,
I'd say, "you need to realize that that part of your life is no good for you and to move on for the better of yourself and the better of the ones you love and if you don't let go for the right reasons, youll never stop going back. Abusive relationships are addicting and i surpassed addiction i know i can get away from him."

SO im looking for advice, or just others experiences of letting go... im not much of a prayer or spell of intent person, but they seem to work at times.. so anyone know a lovely prayer, spell, intent staterfier (i made that word up) that you feel would be useful?
thanks xx

note, i don't want to let go so this is hard, but i know i need to for my better good and loved ones......................................ahhh

I loved someone very deeply who started drinking again during our relationship. We toyed with breaking up/making up, but the night he beat me up in an alcoholic blackout, I knew I had to get out THAT NIGHT or the nightmare would never EVER end for me, it would just escalate and get worse.

The first few days were easy of course, while the hurt was fresh, but then the pull of the love emotion would call me back. The prayer I used when I longed for him the most: "God Bless Him and Keep Him...Far Away From Me!!" I must have said it 500 times over the first few months. That was...9 years ago, wow. It must have worked, because I never spoke to him again ~

Only you can protect yourself in this situation. May I suggest you do it? You can borrow my motto: "Tail Lights Baby." Let him watch your tail lights as you drive off & make a BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF.

I believe we make our own reality. You could make yours better, I did!

Thanks KaceyKat ill use that but we have an amazing child together so its not that easy but defiantly staying away. you made a great choice. it does only get worse.

love! xx

[psychoslice]

You must find out why you cannot let go, you have to be honest with yourself, if its rejection you don't want, then find out who rejected you in your early life, and made you fear rejection now. This not wanting to let go isn't love, its fear, and fear can never be love, no matter who much emotion you add to it.

[Sarian]

I have no spells or things of that nature to give you. I don't do those things. All I can tell you is that it does help to let go, just like when one quits smoking, they have to really want to quit before they do, otherwise it usually doesn't work.

I stayed with an abusive man I was with since I was 20. I knew on our wedding night that I made the biggest mistake of my life....but I was a stupid fool in that I fell for all his tears and begging. I tried to break up with him 100s of times when we were just dating...but my mind was so messed up from past abuse....and I was too sensitive so I was a sucker for the tears. His tears made me feel helpless and horrible... I don't like to see other's hurt, no matter if they are my abusers. But that is foolish thinking.

As years went by, I didn't even realize that he was changing and abusing me psychologically as well as emotionally. I was controlled. I gave up a lot. I never imagined in all my life that I would be one of 'those women'. (abused) who I always deemed weak. Now I was the 'weak' one.

I spent really my entire life wasting away with this man. Raised three children and I used them for an excuse to stay as well or that it was a throw away society and people give up too easily.

I should have left long ago, but in 2011, I finally got the courage and in May of 2012 I was divorced. I can only tell you this....I lived in fear and I lived in complacency. When I took that huge step towards filing for divorce, I was filled with so much fear you can't imagine and I had to go through the entire divorce living with him as I was fighting for my home (something for the first time as I lived the entire marriage with nothing, so I was not leaving with nothing this time)...I followed my intuition and never gave up and I won.

My point is is that people told me I would feel so good. I would feel happy and I would be changed for the better. I thought, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say, but I didn't know it. I know it now. They were right. I can breath, I am free. The liberated feeling of having that huge oppressive part of my life gone is incredible. Even though as much as i felt like I hated the man, I cried when he left, but for one day, as that chapter closed and the next day I was in awe that I didn't have to fear anymore. I could breath and I could do whatever I damn well pleased.

You need to know there is life afterwards and it's a good life. You deserve more than to live under fear and oppression. Do it now and don't wait like I did for years and years and years and years for something to change that never will but only gets worse and sucks your life away.

Sarian, wow thanks. I can really relate to that im glad you got away. He proposed once and i cried... that didn't make him really happy, i ended up giving it back to him 5minutes later. its hard when they have a good heart and lose themselves i really feel sorry for him becuase he can't get away from himself lol.
take good care =)

[Belle]

Having never been in a partnership of abuse, but only abusive family situations, I am mindful that I may well be speaking out of context a little. BUt I truly believe that these dynamics take two cooperative people to exist, one to abuse and one to be the victim. It is not healthy for either of them and if you, as a victim, really want to help the person, then step away from them. Maybe only energetically - which is a complex route to take if you are hanging around physically.

I say that very very lightly as I cannot begin to imagine the strength that is needed to leave a bad situation - they say it is easier to leave a good relationship than a bad one. But, by staying because you want to "help someone", I truly think that you are often perpetuating the situation.

Sorry if that is miles out of line. My thoughts are with all those abused as it is a nightmare to unravel, and far from as simplistic as I have spelt out to put into practice.

[Seawolf]

If you can safely get to a woman's shelter they might be able to help you or at least point you in a good direction. I'm sure they've encountered every situation and have heard it all before, therefore can be very helpful. No one needs to accept physical abuse or any type of abuse for any reason.

[sound]

Originally Posted by dionysus9412

I've undergone a lot of beatings and I am afraid they are going to hold me back. I don't want to hold others against what has happened. I really want to let go and stop caring about this in particular.

I feel like a hypocrite for asking for such, because i know what id say to myself,
I'd say, "you need to realize that that part of your life is no good for you and to move on for the better of yourself and the better of the ones you love and if you don't let go for the right reasons, youll never stop going back. Abusive relationships are addicting and i surpassed addiction i know i can get away from him."

SO im looking for advice, or just others experiences of letting go... im not much of a prayer or spell of intent person, but they seem to work at times.. so anyone know a lovely prayer, spell, intent staterfier (i made that word up) that you feel would be useful?
thanks xx

note, i don't want to let go so this is hard, but i know i need to for my better good and loved ones......................................ahhh

Welcome to the community dionysus :)
I work with women who are your age who have left an abusive relationship ... I work with those who are twice your age who have tried to leave an abusive relationship twice as many times before ... and I also work with the odd one who is three times your age ... the ones your age heal with greater ease and find it less difficult to move on ... the ones twice your age have twice as many scars, both inside and out, and find it twice as hard to 'let go' ... its always going to be your choice, but, there is someone out there who will treat you with tender loving care ... you just haven't chanced to meet them yet :)

[sound]

Deep bows Sarian xx thank you for sharing from the depths of your being there

Originally Posted by Sarian

I have no spells or things of that nature to give you. I don't do those things. All I can tell you is that it does help to let go, just like when one quits smoking, they have to really want to quit before they do, otherwise it usually doesn't work.

I stayed with an abusive man I was with since I was 20. I knew on our wedding night that I made the biggest mistake of my life....but I was a stupid fool in that I fell for all his tears and begging. I tried to break up with him 100s of times when we were just dating...but my mind was so messed up from past abuse....and I was too sensitive so I was a sucker for the tears. His tears made me feel helpless and horrible... I don't like to see other's hurt, no matter if they are my abusers. But that is foolish thinking.

As years went by, I didn't even realize that he was changing and abusing me psychologically as well as emotionally. I was controlled. I gave up a lot. I never imagined in all my life that I would be one of 'those women'. (abused) who I always deemed weak. Now I was the 'weak' one.

I spent really my entire life wasting away with this man. Raised three children and I used them for an excuse to stay as well or that it was a throw away society and people give up too easily.

I should have left long ago, but in 2011, I finally got the courage and in May of 2012 I was divorced. I can only tell you this....I lived in fear and I lived in complacency. When I took that huge step towards filing for divorce, I was filled with so much fear you can't imagine and I had to go through the entire divorce living with him as I was fighting for my home (something for the first time as I lived the entire marriage with nothing, so I was not leaving with nothing this time)...I followed my intuition and never gave up and I won.

My point is is that people told me I would feel so good. I would feel happy and I would be changed for the better. I thought, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say, but I didn't know it. I know it now. They were right. I can breath, I am free. The liberated feeling of having that huge oppressive part of my life gone is incredible. Even though as much as i felt like I hated the man, I cried when he left, but for one day, as that chapter closed and the next day I was in awe that I didn't have to fear anymore. I could breath and I could do whatever I damn well pleased.

You need to know there is life afterwards and it's a good life. You deserve more than to live under fear and oppression. Do it now and don't wait like I did for years and years and years and years for something to change that never will but only gets worse and sucks your life away.