My journey to finding ME!

[Soulsong]

Hi Divine souls!
Could you please write down your first awakening experience here. I am sure it will be a great help to people who are starting their awakening process and to know what we are going through is not anything to be afraid of..
Thanks beautiful ones..😊

[wolfgaze]

Good idea for a thread... Unfortunately I cannot recall any first particular experience - as it was more of a gradual process that played out over a number of years and then culminated with a grand finale of sorts...

[Unseelie Queen]

Hmm, that is a difficult thing to pinpoint, as they have all been primarily internal experiences. Which began at quite a young age, with a general feeling of longing and otherness which lead to a long and arduous shedding of my chrysalis which, truly, is still not complete.

Actually, the worst of my lifelong depressive episodes preceded most of the awakening-type experiences. And I do not believe we necessarily awaken all at once, as if hit by a lightning bolt; I think it can happen more gradually at first. Like little bits of your false shell being peeled away, letting a little more light in day by day.

If I had to give a specific example.. Well, I suppose it began at age 15 or so (prior to my complete psychotic breakdown a year after). My mind felt as if it had been cracked open. My thoughts were searingly lucid, I could hardly sleep-- I felt an inexplicable connection to everything, to the stars; it felt as though I was in this constant, silent communication with everything. However it was not all nice; I think these things can be double-sided-- I became even more of a raw nerve. I had gossamer skin. I went through periods of extreme, nearly paralyzing fatigue and mental haziness, as though I was drifting from this world. Missed lots of school due to it. Getting off topic now though.. Others will have better experiences to add I'm sure!

[Soulsong]

Thanks wolfgaze and unseelie queen for your valuable input..
I understand it's a gradual process of peeling away of all that is false and helping open our heart to our inner truth. ... But our little human mind needs validation at least in the beginning stages ...to know we are in the right path ��

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Soulsong

But our little human mind needs validation at least in the beginning stages ...to know we are in the right path ��

Right... I'm only speaking for myself when I say that it's hard for me to remember the exact nature of experiences dating back years ago because my inward state has changed so much along the way and I was never one to keep a journal and write down exactly what I was thinking/feeling at any given time in my life...

[Shivani Devi]

Namaste.

I've had quite a few in my life and I'll share them, but one stands out over the rest right now.

I was in my mid-twenties and had a job in town which meant a 1hr train commute each way from my residence.

I can't read or do anything in any moving vehicle, or I'll be throwing up for days...I have to look outside.

Anyway, I was bored of seeing the same old scenery day in and out and I am a natural gazer...years of doing trataka paved the way for that.

I wanted to see something new and different out the window, so I looked all the way down and started focusing on the small rocks that were under the railway tracks...the bed upon which the tracks were placed.

I noticed that if I adjusted my view, I could discern single rocks, but the train was also moving so fast, they became a total blur at the same time...ever noticed that?

Anyway, I was in FULL mindfulness state...watching all the rocks in a static position and also whizzing by me simultaneously and I must have been doing this for a good 15 - 20 minutes - FULLY absorbed in it with my whole awareness...not even thinking at all.

All of a sudden, a train whizzed by in the opposite direction, totally obscuring my view. I was taken out of my mind and out of myself at that very moment.

Suddenly I felt a 'snap' at the base of my spine and a liquid, incandescent heat rise up it.

Next thing I knew, I was way past my work stop and at the terminating junction with a guard shaking my shoulder going 'miss....miss...are you okay'?

Yeah, so I was late for work and trying to think up an excuse that didn't go 'sorry I'm late boss, but I achieved Nirvana on the way in today'.

Suffice to say, I was walking around on cloud-nine bliss for weeks after that, even though I don't recall anything about the actual experience at the time.

[Somnia]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I can't read or do anything in any moving vehicle, or I'll be throwing up for days...I have to look outside.

Ugh, yeah I sympathize as I'm the same way...

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Yeah, so I was late for work and trying to think up an excuse that didn't go 'sorry I'm late boss, but I achieved Nirvava on the way in today'.

Hahaha! Oh I love that!

Very interesting story, thanks for sharing...

Hmm I should probably contribute...eventually, xP

[Shivani Devi]

Another happened when I was 16 and it was just after my grandmother had passed away and she was very dear to me.

I was in deep mourning when three days later I had to be a bridesmaid at my aunt's wedding and I just couldn't do it...I didn't feel up to it.

I was getting my hair done for the wedding in an empty salon and the hairdresser placed me between two mirrors and went to make a cup of tea while the perm solution was working.

Now, I just adore mirror tunnels. They totally fascinate that 'small things amuse small minds' part of me...I was waving my arms about, moving my body about...I felt like I was existing in infinite dimensions at once...that was cool...

I placed a hairspray tin in between the mirrors and again, started gazing at the reflection of the reflection of that tin...then the reflection of the reflection of the reflection of the reflection...trying to gaze into the infinite as far as I could to see where the reflection ends.

All of a sudden, the sun came from behind a cloud, shone a beam of light straight through the window and hit one of the mirrors which was also reflected back and forth and I became totally lost and absorbed in this sea of endless luminosity.

Within this, I felt my grandmother's love, presence and reassurance. My heart was about to explode...suffice to say, I totally passed out with the intense energy of it all.

Next thing I knew, I woke up in the doctor's surgery next door about 10-15 minutes later...yeah, okay I'll accept the diagnosis I fainted due to stress...

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Somnia

Hahaha! Oh I love that!

Very interesting story, thanks for sharing...

Hmm I should probably contribute...eventually, xP

You're welcome.

I look forward to reading your stories too and I am glad I have this opportunity of reading about others experiences and sharing my own.

Nice thread.

[Shivani Devi]

Last one for now....because I'm feeling like I'm hogging this thread and being self-indulgent, but I just wanted to get these all out of my head while I'm remembering them.

I remember the very first spiritual experience I ever had, at the tender age of just five years old. I was destined for all this stuff guys...

Anyway, I was five and the song called "The Sounds of Silence" just came out by Simon and Garfunkel. Of course I didn't know what the song was actually about whatsoever, it's just that I heard it a lot...everywhere I went...which led me to ask myself 'how can silence have a sound'? right?

I mean, it's a very logical question for a 5 year old to ask oneself...at least I thought so at the time...

So, I thought I'd conduct a little experiment.

We lived in a country town which was pretty quiet...and pretty much dead quiet at like 4am in the morning...so I waited until everybody was asleep...waited til 4am and went into the lounge room in the darkness, sat on the floor, closed my eyes and focused my ears with full attention and mindfulness until my eardrums hurt.

At first I could hear the barking of a few dogs far away...a couple of cars on a distant road somewhere...that all passed...

Then I heard my own breathing and heartbeat and I tried to slow both right down...that all passed...

After that, I heard the loudest sound I ever heard, like a huge thunderclap straight in my ear, followed by a brilliant white light, like somebody had turned on the loungeroom light...but it was still dark...I was trying to figure that one out.

I felt a lot of peace, happiness and love and then I was like 'okay, yup silence has a sound, thanks for that' and I went back to bed.