My OCD (Warning, incredibly long post)

[Miss Hepburn]

You don't ask for advice...so, I am glad you vented..I think
this is a safe place to do that ...so many nice people here.

My sister and mother have/had OCD, it's tuff.
I happened to have a case when my hormones were changing...
along with depression for no reason.
So had an intervention from friends...of course, MY friends, LOL, were therapists
with one engaged to a psychiatrist, Pres of the State Board.
It was under the guise of seeing his new office furniture!
Tricky friends!
So I got on Luvox, but only for 6 months.
This is not advice...just my OCD experience.

( I did get on it again for a few months, after my friends knew I was about to kill my contractor
with my bare hands... I was cleaning my shotgun...
that was really for the electrician, tho.)

[Sunset Dragon]

Thanks all, and it's nice to hear your story, Miss Hepburn. I do find that talking about OCD does, to some extent, ease it temporarily. It's like so many things where locking it up and fighting with it in silence can make things worse. On that same note, it helps when you're reminded that you're not alone with it, that other people also have their experiences. I hope you and your family are feeling better.

@Ananias, I've had CBT treatment, but it was more focused on other problems in my life. CBT is interesting and I like it, but when it comes to OCD, I don't know if it's entirely practical by itself just because of how OCD manifests itself. That being said, I see the connection with thoughts leading to certain behaviours and actions and creating that vicious circle.

I don't know NLP, but I'll look into it.

@Gem, thanks for the link. :)

I'm a bit concerned with the amount of suggestions which say "this is a mental health condition" and not go near it. Even the term "mental health"creates a dualism in itself; between mental, physical and spiritual planes and as we all know this is not true. I'm here to tell you right here right now - that conditioning is false as it is not in line with reality, and that it's actually dangerous to really believe that, and Political correctness doesn't factor when you really want to get better and understand to heal the issues driving much of the dysfunction in your life. You have to get spiritual and you have to get real. And getting spiritual is getting real, and that's all that it is. Even if what you find on the underbelly is unpleasant and you discover that much of what you find or uncover isn't or won't be acknowledged or even talked about or known by society. This creates an additional loneliness, a discouragement and at this point many people turn back, discouraged and they look to meds to "cure them". But it's still necessary, even though you may not like what you find, or find yourself at odds with the general public (which isn't spiritually minded, or like to confine certain things to secular planes of existence).

I can speak to some great degree on this issue because of many many years of experience. I think many many pathologies can arise in nearly every individual for multitude of reasons, because you have some blockage of energy, or are holding something back, have unhealthy ways of relating, fear, a swaying sense of identity, genetics as a tinder bed, of coping ...this is what arises. I've suffered with "Ocd" and anxiety and indeed other issues since I became a teen.
Things happened so fast then, that there indeed was a time where no one or no Thing could convince me that something had not happened to my brain or that I wasn't somehow "Damaged". That was very painful.
I read and identify with your heartfelt post, word to word. Most of the things you describe I could have written myself, or I have been through, and still struggle with. I think the human mind is complex, very complex.. And many actions arising from earlier parts of our life or actions we may have taken, actions taken against us, or actions that acted against or hurt us in some way ....leave lasting imprints on us until we change them and become healthy again and go back to a certain deep, core essence wherein it becomes impossible for these pathologies to exist or flourish.
I have had many other issues such as problems with my emotions, self identity problems...self destructive issues and even had begun dabbling with some drugs ...but not for too long on that. I knew it was, nothing good would come from that road. So I stopped. A lot of people with our issues have had experiences of being minimized, and subtly taught usually by our families to sit down and shut up, act a certain way, don't rock the boat and always perform a certain way. I also relate to your explanation of how you set something good up for yourself, and then sabotage your effort and self. My life has been like that as well.
You have to get in line with yourself, from a deep level, and see why are you doing this to yourself.. There is always an answer or answers when you look deep and dispassionately. Always... Most of mine relate to trying to be perfect to myself and everyone around me.

I never really developed into the individual person I wanted to be because of these things. I don't know exactly where the ocd came from. It hit me like a wall when I was 13. I think part of its genetics...and it had something to do with particularly a traumatic memory of experience I had uncovered which sent me into a shock of panic and plagued by obsessive thoughts. The power and strength of the thoughts and how emotional I was and could get was astounding. A lot of what is ocd can develop quite normally in most people - I think, if the situations are right. I think my not talking about it and bottling it at a young age when it started only made things worse. I was a very angry, sullen depressed anxious kid. ..it was very sad. I knew in my hear that's not who I actually was, and that's a very painful feeling. My parents often weren't good at listening or making time, either. And there was a great emphasis on success and succeeding. My dad was very hard on us and he was a perfectionist himself. He was very hard to have as a dad, though I loved him very much.

I didn't have time for ocd, so I hid it from everyone, but as you know....you can't get "rid of it" ever, at least, not like that, and so I carried it inside and as I aged it grew and layered and festered more. The gulf between inside and outside grew greater, who I was and who I was becoming. I was a hollowing shell of my self. And still putting on an image, to please my parents and father...make them think everything is ok. Until it crumbled in on itself and i could no longer.


I could go on and on about this... I hope the reading makes sense.
Please, keep me posted. I can add more if you like.

Stay strong and stay on the path,

One of my descriptions of ocd type behavior in a personal journal. An honest moment of self realization:

I hope these insights can be of use to you as well.
"That is the biggest sloth thing ever. It's completely unproductive, circular.... And self stagnating.

It's completely ocd and it's a habit I wish I never had

It is the biggest, in my honest opinion, fallback of Intellectual curiosity. A need to know or a 'picking at life's processes' for a defensive, self protective reason.

It gains a particularly nasty inertia of it's own, that's very hard to disengage from and it's VERY self reinforcing. "


When I look at these issues honestly, I can see that this comes and goes; and it's one of many 'things' or habits that I do that are crutches or faults in my behavior. I think ocd stands out to us so much because it is so pernicious and it absorbs one so completely in it's processes. It's also very time consuming and tiring, and it makes you feel a large degree of out-of-controllness.

But you can work on it just like any other habit . Very hard, and, my blessings with you. You can do it!!
Always shoot towards health

[Ananias]

Hi Sunset,

Yes, I'm familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy. In my opinion, NLP is to CBT as a jet fighter is to a biplane. Just a word to the wise...
Blessings,
Ananias

A method to handle unconscious intrusions into one's life is to make those operations conscious. So, if a pen seems dangerous, pick it up, then put it down. Control it. Other operations toward consciousness are projects. What would you like to read, build, walk, boat, run across?
War and Peace is a nice project on its own and it will take up your attention.
So will cabinet making, rock climbing, learning to kayak, whatever sounds interesting.
There is nothing wrong with you, there is something you do not know. As you become more focused through concentration you may make inroads into whatever is intruding into your life.
Regardless how you handle it, Good luck! Things tend to get better.

[Sunset Dragon]

Thanks all.

I have noticed that although I can get OCD at any moment in time, even when I'm busy doing something, it's not as severe during those busy moments away from home. I've also noticed that when my mood is up, the OCD doesn't bring me down as quickly or easily. So, I do agree that I need to fill up more time with things that will require my full concentration.

[adamm[]]

wow, i prolly have ADD and i can even say that your post was rather average.

Are you good at video games, i have practically all your symptoms and when i was a kid and less aware or caring and just did what i wanted to do, i played mad video games and kept myself busy. I was rather good if i say so myself. But in these later years without video games to keep me occupied, i sadly have all these weird sysmptoms. My sleep patern is ****, i have very intrusive sick disturbing thoughts, anxiety etc etc.

Ive always had sleep problems but never like i am to this day where i always feel tired, my eyes hurt and my energy is at nil.
:(

[lysglimt]

So sorry to hear that you are suffering this much :(

About the SSRI, this is a medication that raises the brain levels of serotonin. If I were you I would have checked my values of serotonin to see if there was anything wrong with them in the first place. Because it can make matters worse if your serotonin levels are fine.

I know this from my own experience. I was prescribed SSRI because of strong panic attacks due to lyme disease. And they really just turned my life upside down, but this was in combination with xanax so the situation will be a little different.

Im not saying SSRI are wrong for you, im just saying that you shouldn't just take it because your told too without really checking your serotonin levels. But of course, one amount of serotonin is normal for one person while its not for a other person.

Anyways, I really wish you the best and send good thoughts in your direction :)