He came back

[ForeverRestless]

Let me start by saying that this post is not my TF story tied up with a pretty bow, but it is a beginning.

I haven’t visited the forum much in 2017. I remember someone once telling me that once people set off properly on their TF journeys, they reach a sense of peace, or at least surrender, that does not compel them to seek answers as much. That’s where I’ve been much of this year.

The best place to start is to frame this part of my journey as one year, beginning in September 2016 and ending in September 2017. In September 2016, my TF released an album about me. Dealing with the energy around that, the anger and resentment I felt, the pain… it was extremely taxing. It was like I was an emotional dump truck and I had to dump a multi-ton energetic load before I could move on with my life. This did not involve contacting my twin. It involved me trying to live in the present. It involved me realizing my life is here, and not with my twin. It was the next month (October 2016) that I met the man who is today my boyfriend.

We didn’t begin dating properly until January 2017. I remember a rush of soul resistance in the beginning, for so many reasons that I’m sure you fellow twins are familiar with. “It will never feel 5D.” “It will never compare.” “How can I do this to my twin?” “If I move on, he’ll hate me forever and he’ll never come back.” “Does this mean the Twin Flame experience isn’t real?” “Will I ever be able to love my new 3D partner in the ways I learned to love because of Twin?” “Shouldn’t I simply be alone after enduring two years of excruciating self growth and reach so much spiritual enlightenment?” The questions and answers are different for all of you, and these were some of mine. In the end, it didn’t matter. The universe put my new boyfriend into my path and I went with it. I knew I’d never love him in a 5D way but I also knew we’d end up together. This is the first man I’ve called my boyfriend in 14 years, so that’s saying a lot. He seems to fit perfectly into some script my soul drew up before I landed on this planet. In the end, all that mattered was living my life, and accepting that I deserve to be treated well by a man who’s actually present in my life, and meeting my needs. So I moved forward.

That said, I did finally contact my twin in early February 2017. The experience was rather painful and fear-filled. My body felt like it went into a state of kundalini shock. I had so much energy running through my body it felt almost like a seizure. The conversation went well and I played it cool, but it didn’t resolve anything. It was friendly and funny and it confirmed my connection with Twin, but he still was acting strongly from his ego, he still was engaging in rejecting behaviors toward me, he still did not seem “awake.” Funny enough, I went back and read that convo again for the first time today and I couldn’t even finish it. The energy was so “yucky” and off-putting. It wasn’t the right time. Perhaps I was going against our soul contract. It was overall wrong. This is why you shouldn’t fight the process. This is why you shouldn’t force things with your TF or “chase.” Something about it just never feels right, and the results are never right.

After that conversation, I didn’t know if I would ever speak to him again. I had to be OK with it. I forged forward on my 3D path with my new guy. I lost sight of the 5D buzz I felt the entire previous year when I was on my solo journey, working on my spiritual side, having all sorts of kundalini rising experiences, etc. In 2017, I’ve been a 3D creature, having a normal relationship, doing normal relationship things. Going out to dinner, going on vacations, watching movies, and generally just accepting that this is my life now. Most humans don’t have 5D experiences, so why should I get too upset about that? If my life was going back to 3D, I was going to make it the best it could possibly be in 3D, and I have. Summer with my boyfriend has been wonderful. I’ve left the life with TF behind me.

August and early September 2017, however, were full of anger and resentment toward TF. Maybe some of that stemmed from not seeing any activity on his Facebook, and generally me stopping clinging to my TF past, me stopping trying to read into everything he posted, to look for signs, etc. I felt like it was over and quite possibly all in my head, always. “Yes, he’d written an album about me the previous year, but that was a long time ago. He was over it. I was over it. I missed my chance. Everything was over.” The deeper I got into my relationship with my new boyfriend, the more my present began to replace my Twin Flame past. The more I began accepting my life as it was, rather than what I wanted it to be. Maybe I thought I’d surrendered in the past, but not like this. For the first time, a week or so ago, I surrendered for good. This moment was marked by me losing the feelings associated with my TF memories. I used to be able to pull them out of my mental archives at any time, put myself back in that emotional moment with Twin, and feel full of love and pain and generally just start crying. Once I surrendered, I was no longer able to do that. I felt basically nothing. The person who had those feelings and experiences was past. She wasn’t me. As sad as it may sound, I gave up completely. For the first time. But I felt fine. That was key. Suddenly the idea of even talking to Twin again felt wrong, and I didn’t want it. Energetically, I stopped chasing.

The night before Twin contacted me, I was watching a TV show in which his first name flashed on the screen about 20 times. It was ridiculous. And other signs and syncs were embedded there too. This after I’d received a bunch of 111s and 1111s earlier that day after not seeing any for weeks. WEEKS. A friend from this forum has told me that 111s and 1111s are an opportunity to manifest a positive outcome, what you want. I guess since I’d surrendered and did not want/need anything from Twin anymore, I only thought positive thoughts upon seeing those numbers. Maybe that opened a metaphysical door. And when his name continuously flashed up on the screen, all i could do was laugh. At the sense of humor the universe has, and how it basically means nothing. I was more comforted than taunted by it, as I would have felt in the past. My thoughts were based around my happiness that “everything is connected,” and “whatever that means is fine. I’m exactly where I need to be.” I did not dwell on this. I fell asleep easily. Then I woke up with a start around 6 a.m. on a weekend morning. I went to the bathroom and flipped on the light. I realized I was wide awake, the light did not hurt my eyes. I wasn’t falling back asleep. This was extraordinarily peculiar, since I normally do not wake up before 8:30 any day of the week. I do remember walking back to my room with a knowing that this had something to do with Twin, but it didn’t bother me, I didn’t expect anything, I didn’t fear anything. I just went to my computer and begin reading the news.

About 45 minutes later, he messaged me, and I responded to him. In a happy way. I had no fear the whole time. The conversation was light, and warm. He complimented me repeatedly. He did not try to cut me down or put me in my place. He reminded me of things that happened when we were together. He called me by the old nickname he gave me. He asked me if I was coming back to his country anytime soon. (I told him that actually, I had plans to. But upon saying that, realized I had no motivation to see him while I was there, which was amazing). He used humor, he acted humbled, he did not lead with ego. And guess how I reacted? I felt full. I knew that I did not need anything from Twin, and that the universe knows what it is doing, and I felt a comforting, cradling warmth around the feeling that the universe is alive and that the constant connection between me and Twin… the way it never goes away, gives me proof of a higher power. It does not mean we will be together. It does not mean I will ever see him face-to-face again. But the connection remains and it is so special. There must be some reason for it and it is through this connection that I understand the Source of all things. Life has meaning for me because I’ve gone through this. But also because of what I’ve done for myself on my spiritual journey. I don’t need anything from Twin that I cannot give myself, nor do I need anything from my boyfriend that I cannot give myself. And as I navigate the extraordinary new feeling of trying to understand love outside of the context of a void that needs to be filled, as I try to bring some semblance of 5D love into my 3D life with my boyfriend, I realize that I’ve made it to the other side.

I realize that everything people tell us on the forum about self love and surrender is 100% correct. And if your twin is your twin, they do come back eventually. Maybe I’ll talk to him again one day, maybe I won’t. It doesn’t matter; he’s still my Twin, and he will be for all eternity. Of course I’d love to feel the love I had with him again—if he’s able to treat me well, like I know I deserve, and like my 3D boyfriend has shown me—but if that’s not in the cards for us, that’s OK. I hand it over to the universe.

We ended the conversation on two notes. First, me asking a favor: That he check in with me in about a month and a half to let me know how a particularly pivotal work venture pans out. I told him I felt like I was there in the beginning of his startup, so I’d like to know. I also decided halfway through the convo that the warm feelings of connectedness to the universe and the surge of positive energy should be used in a beneficial way, so I put on my yoga clothes and I began walking. I talked to Twin the whole walk there. I sent him photos along the way. We made jokes. And when I reached the yoga studio, I told him quickly that I had to go, and I gave him a “namaste.” Then I went to yoga class and focused on my practice, only thinking about my Twin for (admittedly) a third of the time during class. After that I walked home, and the next day, I went on a trip with my boyfriend.

All is well, fellow Twins! Just live the life you’re meant to live, and the universe will take care of the rest. Follow your path; don’t force things as I’ve tried to so many times. Practice self love, don’t drown in your own pain, trust that you deserve the best, and then enjoy all these good things as they come to you. Whatever happens, on whatever time frame, is beyond your control. So just enjoy the ride and the rest will take care of itself! <3

[missxchief]

Thank you. I needed this. :)

[psychegrl]

Congratulations! ♡

[Angel44]

Congratulations Forever...I so resonate with what you're saying. I'm at the same point in my spiritual journey. I live 3000 miles away from my family and friends. My days consist of work, home, meditation, reading, sleep. Weekends included. Three weeks ago I was cleaning my house when all of a sudden it hit me "I am happy, I need nothing and no one else to feel happy...I am whole as is." After that realization, I kept seeing "888" and "8888"... a number combination I never see. It's funny I had a dream 3 years ago, I was traveling up in a clear elevator and got off on the 8th floor. So I believe the 8 signifies a huge spiritual realization.

I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with my twin, although my guides tell me we will be together and I feel like we will be in this lifetime. If we were not supposed to be together in this life, I feel at this point I would know it. I believe "longing" for your TF is a form of energetic chasing which results in more running!

As others have said, the love you feel for your twin is the love for yourself. When you project this love onto others (TF) and onto material things or anything outside of yourself, you are in fact running from yourself and your twin will mirror your running.

Loving self means you are WHOLE!! It does not mean treating yourself to nice clothes, make up and pedicures. You are already LOVE itself.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Let me start by saying that this post is not my TF story tied up with a pretty bow, but it is a beginning.

<3

Hi Forever Restless..

Wow, this is so strange for me because this is the same as my story. It was exactly like that for me around about twenty years ago. It was so memory inducing to read your words because I could have written them. The only difference being that I didn't know that he was my tf at the time. I don't even think I even knew what a tf was back then.

I knew I loved him, but I also knew that I needed to have my life, so I did that. Your story may not end up where mine has, however thank you for sharing this. You reminded me of the experience I went through.

[Emm]

Wow ForeverRestless, you made it, congratulations.

I wholeheartedly agree with what you have summed up, you put it so eloquently too. Our lives now, having lived and survived through this experience, can be lived with a greater joy than previously. Words don't teach I know, this is a process and its so worth it in the end. The art is in the letting go of any expectations of outcome but with a sense of "All Is Well" going into the future.

I'd like to share what I've come to understand through some teachings that I've read and listened to that makes sense of what happened in my own circumstances.

Twin flames as we call them may be those who are members of our own soul group. These members apparently share a similar core vibration which through laws of attraction draws us together. This is what we feel when we meet , this overwhelming attraction that opens us up to more of ourselves. The similarity of energy, in my view, compounded my own energy where we then experience ourselves above and beyond the ordinary physical self we were accustomed to.

Our aim in physical life is to experience, explore and expand on a particular theme or value that we are energetically inclined towards as a group. So we mix it with other soul groups to add contrast for exploration. Spending a life time with a member of our Soul Group then is not helpful with this in mind....its a bit like when a country remains isolated from the rest of the world, it cannot grow or experience the benefits of alliances made otherwise.
I believe this is where the "chasers and runners" or the push and pull theme comes in, despite the power of the attraction there is also a kind of repulsion that goes on equally, which may have something to do with polarity...for every thing there is an opposite, two sides to every coin. This physical life is designed in a way to mix and mingle so twins unfortunately cannot come together for a life time whether they like it or not...it doesn't seem possible.

So yes the connection will always be, and its good to know this but for the sake of what we came here to explore whatever that may be, we need to mix it a little. They are our catalysts and life time reminders of where we came from if we needed reminding after all this, we can even touch base every now and then but there is much we can gain from others too. Its easy to love when it comes naturally like that of a "twin"...learning to love and accept those who are different though takes a bit of self exploration and i believe this somehow is what we came for.

That's basically what I've concluded from my experience, I know its a journey that you have to go through and process and I'm glad you have made it through. I wish you all the happiness in the world going forward now ForeverRestless with your new love. It may feel like 3d to you but it will still help you discover and deepen what you now know of yourself.

[ForeverRestless]

I just wanted to let you all know I have an update to this story. I don’t want to jinx anything by overthinking it but there have been new developments I would like to share for those struggling on this journey too. I honestly had no idea I could ever get to where I am currently but here it is out of the blue. I don’t know if everyone here truly has a Twin Flame level connection but I’ve confirmed I definitely do and I have to figure out next steps for myself. I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do or not do, but I do want to tell you the story.

If you remember me and my long tale (beginning almost nine years ago) please let me know. Will be nice to hear from some kind friendly faces. I’ll be back to share more soon.

[FallingLeaves]

i agree one has to figure it out as best one can for oneself, I have been wrong so many times too trying to give advice, one of many things I've been trying to change. any more that seems like the point, why we are here, so that we can learn that we don't have to listen to even well intentioned help if we don't want. Or conversely that there is no reason we have to try to give it either...

i look forward to hearing where you are right now?

[Aldous]

I found its easier to communicate with my twin by email compared to the phone.

https://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/s...d.php?t=107662