Mirroring on commitment & surrendering

[FairyCrystal]

Thank you, Human Being, I will check out that link, I am interested in those things, have been busy with it before as well.
Indeed stress is a major factor in all kinds of ailments and unwanted conditions. (I got several T-shirts to vouch for that, lol)
I have been paying attention to pains and things today when I got stressed out. I sat with it, breathed towards that area. It did seem to help. I didn't go really deep into emotions, didn't feel like it at that moment. I was mostly focusing on releasing the stress from my body/cells. Allowing it to soften, telling it everything was fine etc.

At the moment I'm filled with tremendous relief. The way things had felt since about a week in contact with my TF had me seriously off-kilter. Something felt off, different, and I wasn't sure if it was just his busy schedule and being tired or if it was us, and that drove me up the wall.
I got my answer now. Everything is cool. More than cool :) So yes, my TF is in my corner with me still. I was getting concerned about that too, hihi.
It has been a horrible week in one sense, in another it has been good. I did manage to shift my vibration to a better -sometimes even good- place in spite of this insecurity concerning my relationship. And I shifted my focus more towards my own goals in life again. I succeeded at that, albeit with ups and downs. Now I will have to continue to do that, and learn to have faith and trust. In me, him, us. And keep working on those triggers of course.

As for the narcissistic stuff, yes, you are spot on about the damage and pre-existing wounds...

Thanks you again! I love your insight :) and will check the link!

[AngelRain]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Don't overthink it. Don't get caught in anxious thinking, don't try to rationalise the fear away, don't say it shouldn't be there, don't try to shut it out, don't try to deny it. I'm sure we've all employed such strategies at some point in our lives, but do they help to minimise the fear even a little bit? They might help to repress the fear, but that isn't the same thing as overcoming it.

You know what they say - 'the quickest way out is through'. So when you feel the fear arising, be mindful: Notice the fear, notice your reaction to it, notice how your body's tightened up, notice how your mind's telling fretful stories - and don't indulge them, don't buy into them, stay with the feeling. Feel the resistance in your body, allow it to release, and breathe; you might feel uncomfortable, unpleasant sensations as you do so, but understand that this is your body releasing previously blocked energy, and it's a good thing even if it doesn't feel good (it's not the movement of energy itself that creates the discomfort, it's the resistance to it that does so).

I'm not going to tell you that this is a going to be a quick or painless process - in all likelihood it's going to be neither, and you're going to have to stick with it if you want to move beyond the fear. But I know I don't need to tell you that it's something you need to do.

Thank you so much for this post. Everything you said is spot on. I noticed as I reach the end of my dark night of the soul, everything has kicked up about ten notches. I have full blown panic attacks before I do my heart meditations now. Even when I was at my worst that NEVER and I ean NEVER happened. I also noticed the last bits of my pain are starting to come to the surface. Pain from when I was like 5 years old. It' intense. But the next day I always feel great and like I've dropped a ton of baggage.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Thank you, Human Being, I will check out that link, I am interested in those things, have been busy with it before as well.
Indeed stress is a major factor in all kinds of ailments and unwanted conditions. (I got several T-shirts to vouch for that, lol)
I have been paying attention to pains and things today when I got stressed out. I sat with it, breathed towards that area. It did seem to help. I didn't go really deep into emotions, didn't feel like it at that moment. I was mostly focusing on releasing the stress from my body/cells. Allowing it to soften, telling it everything was fine etc.

At the moment I'm filled with tremendous relief. The way things had felt since about a week in contact with my TF had me seriously off-kilter. Something felt off, different, and I wasn't sure if it was just his busy schedule and being tired or if it was us, and that drove me up the wall.
I got my answer now. Everything is cool. More than cool :) So yes, my TF is in my corner with me still. I was getting concerned about that too, hihi.
It has been a horrible week in one sense, in another it has been good. I did manage to shift my vibration to a better -sometimes even good- place in spite of this insecurity concerning my relationship. And I shifted my focus more towards my own goals in life again. I succeeded at that, albeit with ups and downs. Now I will have to continue to do that, and learn to have faith and trust. In me, him, us. And keep working on those triggers of course.

As for the narcissistic stuff, yes, you are spot on about the damage and pre-existing wounds...

Thanks you again! I love your insight :) and will check the link!

Fantastic, I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling much better - so tough when the doubts and fear flare up, it can leave you feeling like you're losing your mind at times so I'm glad you got your answer And great that you stayed mindful when you were feeling stressed, it can be a challenge to do but it's definitely worth the effort, and also good that you could switch your focus to your own goals in life again, that's so important too :)

Oh and you're welcome, as I say I do know all about the challenges these relationships can throw up, and I know how important it is to have others around us who can offer support and guidance - we're all in this together

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by AngelRain

Thank you so much for this post. Everything you said is spot on. I noticed as I reach the end of my dark night of the soul, everything has kicked up about ten notches. I have full blown panic attacks before I do my heart meditations now. Even when I was at my worst that NEVER and I ean NEVER happened. I also noticed the last bits of my pain are starting to come to the surface. Pain from when I was like 5 years old. It' intense. But the next day I always feel great and like I've dropped a ton of baggage.

You're welcome, and thank you too Oh God I feel for you so much, too, I've been going through my own dark night of the soul this year and I've experienced a boatload of anxiety at times as well I've had a couple of panic attacks, too, so I know how difficult it is to not just be completely overwhelmed when every fibre of your being's screaming, 'I can't bear this, I can't bear this, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!' At times like that your body's going into shock and your breathing's erratic and shallow which only increases the anxiety and tension, so it's so important to breathe deeply so that your blood's oxygenated and your pulse rate slows down - I know it can be extremely challenging at times like that to be mindful and stay with your breath, but if you can keep breathing slowly and deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth, you will gradually start to feel calmer. You've just got to stick with it, even if your mind's telling you it's not working.

I'm sure you know all this anyway, thought it was worth mentioning though :) Really good sign that those last bits of infant pain are surfacing (I've felt that, too - it just has a certain recognisable feel to it, doesn't it?), sounds like you're making good progress and it does always feel good to release those old wounds :)

What's the heart meditation you've been doing, if you don't mind my asking? My heart's always a been problem area for me, been thinking I should do a heart meditation.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Suppression's a habit we've learnt and so yeah, it can seem easier to do that rather than opening to the fear and pain that might be buried inside of us - it's a question of breaking bad habits and forming healthy ones, I think, and the more you do it the easier it gets. Exercising self-care is also important, sometimes you just need to chill out :)

Hi A Human Being
I reckon you have a point. I am working on it, but it's a long long road and sometimes I think oh man when will it stop. I guess the true answer to that is when I stop thinking about it in that way

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Akira

Hi A Human Being
I reckon you have a point. I am working on it, but it's a long long road and sometimes I think oh man when will it stop. I guess the true answer to that is when I stop thinking about it in that way

Ohhh yeah, I imagine many people reading can relate to that feeling! I catch myself thinking that, too, and then I think, 'Well that isn't helping either!' but you know I think it's almost inevitable that we feel that way sometimes, it can feel exhausting and dispiriting at times. But yeah, you make a very astute point

[Akira]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I think suppressing is the very reason we are now faced with these issues. Things we stuffed away as children, possibly starting at home even because we had no say in matters since we were considered 'too young and not knowledgeable'. Or parents that simply didn't allow us to speak up or to express emotions etc. etc.
Lucky are the ones who grew up with little 'trauma' during childhood and teenage years! But then, I know everyone's got their cross to bear in life.

About suppressing, I sometimes have wondered whether I had suppressed something as opposed to have worked through it. I sometimes find it difficult to tell the difference?
I think maybe what Human Being said: feel your body. If there's anything getting tense when you think about it, I take it it's suppressed.

I know I've suppressed a lot during my 10 yrs with a narcissistic partner. Lot of what has to come out now is due to that, although I must admit the core issues were already there, he just made them much worse.

But this realization that I too am holding back, that kind of hit me There was me thinking I at least had that part sussed.

Good luck Akira, and feel free to share here if you want. If we can all help each other like we're doing now. Isn't that in itself wonderful?!
I feel that at the moment there is much more love and light being shared in these forums. Me likes

Hi thanks for the lovely message. I resonate with what you have said strongly especially the part about your other partner - I was in my problematic relationship for just under 20 years!!! Shoulda left sooner, that was my bad!

It's great when we share and support, and I agree it's wonderful. It's good to have each other because there are so few people out there that really understand.

I am okay at the moment, have been busy so not really thinking about it. Well not a lot anyway

[Akira]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Ohhh yeah, I imagine many people reading can relate to that feeling! I catch myself thinking that, too, and then I think, 'Well that isn't helping either!' but you know I think it's almost inevitable that we feel that way sometimes, it can feel exhausting and dispiriting at times. But yeah, you make a very astute point

Absolutely re: the exhaustion. Both my twin and I have been so tired recently. We keep needing to catch up with sleep as if we did not have any. Then I have been suffering insomnia, just laying there and staring at the ceiling. I did a meditation in the end to put me to sleep!!

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Akira

Absolutely re: the exhaustion. Both my twin and I have been so tired recently. We keep needing to catch up with sleep as if we did not have any. Then I have been suffering insomnia, just laying there and staring at the ceiling. I did a meditation in the end to put me to sleep!!

I can relate to that, too, not much fun when you're trying to sleep but you feel wide awake - honestly can't remember the last time I had an unbroken night's sleep, I usually wake up around five and can't get back to sleep again. I did fight it for a while but I've come to accept it, usually I'll read a chapter of a book or else listen to music. Think it has a lot to do with the eclipse and various other astronomical phenomena, thankfully it doesn't affect me that much during the day and it'll pass in time I'm sure :)

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Akira

Absolutely re: the exhaustion. Both my twin and I have been so tired recently. We keep needing to catch up with sleep as if we did not have any. Then I have been suffering insomnia, just laying there and staring at the ceiling. I did a meditation in the end to put me to sleep!!

I think being tired has to do with the energies. Esp during August the incoming energies were insane and your body has to update, upgrade, adjust. It takes longer for the physical body to do so than it takes the energy bodies to adjust.
I'm saying this because I've heard the same thing of being tired, dreaming and on from quite a lot of ppl. And me and my TF have had the same thing for weeks. I think it's only recently that it seems to get a little better. But then there's the upheaval caused by the same energies (at least in my case it worked out that way) and upheaval wears you out too.
Like right now... 20 to midnight and I'm knackered. Normally I go to sleep around 1.30 -2 pm.

Anyhow, I hope I will sleep really well now that I had this great conversation with my love. I'll probably get triggered at some point or other again -fingers crossed it'll take a while- but at least I know he still loves me and is longing to be with me and no way is there something 'not right' between us.
When he said that I could feel my heart open up at the speed of light and love began to flow again.
Should help to sleep really well, lord and the goddess know I need it!