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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Signs & Synchronicities

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  #1  
Old 09-06-2015, 12:15 PM
spiritofjosh
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When you reach your wits end

I haven't posted on here in a month or so but when I was it was all about my ex girlfriend. Very bland, common subject I know but just her specifically and our history just made me think of something "more" than any relationship I've been involved in and I'm 29 now. I've posted that I consider her to be either my twin flame or my soul mate, but I cannot decipher which especially with our current circumstances (we do not talk to each other, if I try she just shows resentment).

My reason for posting is half to see if anybody has some advice/input and half to vent because my friends aren't really all that spiritual or believe in anything other than reality. But I ask the Universe, my guides, whoever may be listening to give me signs that I need to move on, because I just can't make myself. I miss my ex like crazy and think about her constantly and although I tried texting her twice the past two weeks and she answers, she shows nothing but anger or resentment despite me doing nothing to her. In other words I need to move on but as much as I try and convince myself I need to, my heart/soul won't allow it. I try and convince myself she's not coming back, but my heart/soul won't believe it and tell me otherwise.

I ask the Universe, guides, God, whoever to let me heal, let me move on, let me SEE that I need to move but I don't see anything. She doesn't appear to be with anybody new and all of my friends still follow her and are friends with her on facebook so they always tell me it doesn't seem like she is (I'm not certain she is or isn't but they say she only posts pictures of her same old friends I knew). She posts on twitter seemingly bitter things about nothing in particular, so in other words, she doesn't gloat about how happy she is without me. And the strangest thing is while I'm driving during my hour work commute if I start to think about her or have a passing thought, I pass the same car she drives every time, always. She drives a Saturn SUV that I know isn't that uncommon but I know it's not a car everybody has.

So my point is, that when I've gone through breakups in the past, something always presented itself to signal me it's time to move on. Whether it popped out of nowhere that a specific ex was dating a new guy, or they were doing this or that and just made me think I'm better off, or simply that I just happened to meet someone new to move onto myself. Now as much as I ask I have nothing pushing me forward, no signs, nobody new, just constant reminders of her. Anybody else ever feel like the Universe, or your guides just keep giving you a bunch of nothing? Because on the other hand, I'm getting no signs that things will work out between us either, just neutral stagnation.

Sorry for the rant but it clears my head and if anybody took the time to read this, thank you.
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  #2  
Old 09-06-2015, 01:24 PM
kkfern kkfern is offline
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did you really do nothing? maybe nothing is what you should not do. do something. flowers are always great.

all relationships are here to teach us something. look at what you need to learn.

kk
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  #3  
Old 09-06-2015, 01:48 PM
LoneFlower LoneFlower is offline
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I, unfortunately, know that feeling, SpiritOfJosh.

* This is only my opinion from my own experiences. *

A few years back I crossed paths with my husband from several past lives. I got way more attached (or, I suppose, re-attached) emotionally to him than he did to me.
Long, droning story short, when he moved on (I'd repeatedly asked the universe for a sign, for some help in getting some distance between us because of how much I loved him, I couldn't do it on my own. And, one day, lo and behold, painful as it was, I got my assistance from the universe), it was clear that he did care for me, but didn't love me. Not like I did for him. He moved on fairly easily and even asked for us to still be friends.
For me, on the other hand, I went through hell. I cared for him and, though I've never wanted to be married or have kids (something I've instinctually just "known" since I was a little kid), he was the first person, let alone guy, I'd ever met that, if he'd asked, I would've dropped everything for him and done anything he'd ask of me.
Even to this very day, those feelings are still there in me. If he were to contact me and ask for my help with anything, I don't think I'd be able to say 'no' to him. (Though, I honestly think it goes back to how I felt about him from multiple past lives of us being husband and wife than anything he has done here in this incarnation.)

Suffice it to say, when the sign happened, there was no choice involved. Not really. It just "was". And it was also the break I'd been wanting, that helping hand to do what I simply didn't have the strength to do. We parted ways and I had to tell him that because I loved him so much, there was no way I could be genuinely happy for him as only a friend. Seeing him live his life, seeing him love someone else with all of his heart, it'd kill me.
I had to make a clean break away from him. No contact by e-mail, im, phone, or anything. Just cut all connections with him and walk away.

I have moved on with my life since then, but I'd be lieing if I said I didn't still care for him to this very day. I do. I still love him. However, just because of our past, just because we cared about one another doesn't mean that we'd be loving husband and wife in this life as well. Our paths were different and the best thing I could do was, when I was emotionally and mentally ready for it, to be able to look back on that time in my life, spent with him, and be glad for it. To be happy for him and, genuinely, hope only the best for him in his life.

Was it easy? No.
Did I wish there was another way? Yes.
Do I wish we were a loving couple again? Yes.
Do I still miss him? Hell, yes.

In the end, the only thing you can really do is wish your loved one well and move on with your life. What's meant to be will just "be". What's not, won't be. And the more you try to fight tooth and nail to make it be will only make things worse.

Quote:
I miss my ex like crazy and think about her constantly and although I tried texting her twice the past two weeks and she answers, she shows nothing but anger or resentment despite me doing nothing to her.
Something I've learned along those lines is that if someone shows nothing but anger and resentment like that, there is always a reason behind it, even if you never see it. (Kinda like the lion with the thorn in its paw. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.)

In the end, all you can really do is live your life and move on.
Does this mean to forget? No.
Does this mean you should try to stop loving? No.
It just means that, this isn't working and you deserve to move on. If she wants space, let her have space, but don't put your life completely on hold for her. If she wants to talk, she'll contact you. If not, that's her choice.
In the end, all we can really do is wish our loved ones well and focus our energies into living our own lives in the here and now.

And, perhaps the sign you need to move on is already being shown to you in her not wanting to talk with you.

Quote:
Anybody else ever feel like the Universe, or your guides just keep giving you a bunch of nothing?
This has been a repeating situation for me in my life. It's not so much about the big signs and people being brought into your life from out of the blue right now. It's about you taking the time to pay attention to the signs that already in front of you.
(Then again, I can't really say anything. Several times I've had, spiritually speaking, neon flashing billboard-sized signs right in front of my face, but because of my emotional state, I wasn't paying attention and kept going "I NEED A SIGN! SHOW ME SOMETHING!!!!" and my guides were all like "~*points to big neon billboard sign right in front of your face*~". I'm still trying to get better at paying attention.)

In the end, only you can decide how to live your life and TO live *your* life.
Hopefully you'll have an easier time of it than what I've had over the years.
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  #4  
Old 09-06-2015, 01:55 PM
spiritofjosh
Posts: n/a
 
I didn't want to get into that, I try and be brief as best I can. If anybody is interested in something to read the back story, leaving out the whole synchronicity of how we met and became a couple, isn't so long.

She's 22 and I'm 29 as I've said. I've been in multiple relationships, one lasted 5 years, another over a year, some a month, and this one was 6 months. She has never been in a relationship before me and has never been in love before me. She is involved heavily in her music and her close friends and that's what her life was before and now after me. So in other words she is very inexperienced and admitted this to me after we were talking for a month last summer. Eventually we started dating and I was crazy about this girl, but my insecure side got a hold of me and started making me believe she was too good to be true. I looked at her as the most perfect woman I have ever met, inside and outside. She felt the same about me and everything was perfect but being I started to get insecure and started telling myself something has to give, that I don't know how I deserve this. She gave the relationship her all despite not being in one before, and we would fight via text (we live an hour from each other and only saw each other on weekends) about stupid things I'd make up. I'd forget she spent her life with her guy friends and I would get nervous that she would leave me for them and question it, which I've realized after we broke up how stupid that was. She started to believe I didn't trust her and would get really hurt over it.

Long story trying to be short, she ended it very reluctantly. Her choice was made because she felt with our fighting about how she thinks I'd never fully trust her that we would just end up toxic for each other. She also said that she let herself get so into me that she started to neglect her friends and music. I respected this and let her be, but the problem is we had been broken up for 2 months now and we've spoken 3 times by me contacting her. Each time she shows nothing but resentment and anger towards me, as if I broke her heart instead.

My point is I just have all these questions and no answers. I don't understand the purpose of it all. I've never loved someone as much as her and right before we met I prayed that I could finally meet the girl I was meant to be with and just fall in love and be happy because that's all I wanted. Not even a month later is when I met her, and at first glance I just thought "that's her. She's who I've been asking for." And now I try and think maybe this is a lesson to trust easier for my next relationship? But I can't even imagine how someone could live up to what she was to me. Not only that but I feel the next relationship I get involved in is when I open up and trust much easier, and then end up being hurt because of it.


So that's rant, part 2. I just keep asking my guide(s) to help me understand, help me get through this, anything and I'm in the same spot I was two months ago. I keep hoping that since is technically her first breakup she is just handling it in a way that she shouldn't and will come around but I'm not counting on it despite what my gut seems to tell me. Thank you again for reading this.
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  #5  
Old 09-06-2015, 02:19 PM
spiritofjosh
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoneFlower
And, perhaps the sign you need to move on is already being shown to you in her not wanting to talk with you.

After reading my first post without much info on my actual situation, yes this would make sense and it could make sense either way, who really knows. But myself and almost everybody I know, even the ones who normally always tell me to stop acting stupid and forget, agree that this is a very "different" situation. In reality since she's never been an "ex girlfriend" she doesn't know how to handle it. So my logical side points out that she probably thinks the only way to get over the one she loved, the one her first relationship ever was with, is to show that she is cold and "over" it as an aid to help forget. In other words I believe she chose to suppress her feelings and emotions as a way to move on instead of healing the healthy way. At first, based on what I'm told, she seemed happy and all that but more recently it seems she has calmed down and is acting almost like she may be stressed out herself. And all spiritual theories aside, in relationships when an ex girlfriend is over her ex and doesn't want to talk, they don't answer as promptly as she does to me when I had texted her.

Regardless, I keep trying to convince myself it's done, move on and I do want to, but my heart is not letting me. I can't tell if it's my heart, my gut or both but something is nagging me to be patient, that it isn't over for us. That maybe this breakup was needed for us to both understand each other a little better and be able to understand our relationship's needs vs wants a little better. At the same time I'm battling myself trying to not believe she's coming back.

I have gone through a 5 year relationship in the past and have been through 3 breakups with that person throughout and we always got back together and it seemed to be a stronger bond each time until she finally ended it and moved on to her now husband. But at that time when it finally ended, I wasn't that hurt. I just knew it was it, that it was finally over and I remember sort of feeling it coming so I accepted it very easily and my body let it go just the same. This situation now is just...different. I've never felt like this before which is why I feel she is something a little different than the rest.
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  #6  
Old 18-06-2015, 03:22 AM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,384
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritofjosh
I haven't posted on here in a month or so but when I was it was all about my ex girlfriend. Very bland, common subject I know but just her specifically and our history just made me think of something "more" than any relationship I've been involved in and I'm 29 now. I've posted that I consider her to be either my twin flame or my soul mate, but I cannot decipher which especially with our current circumstances (we do not talk to each other, if I try she just shows resentment).

My reason for posting is half to see if anybody has some advice/input and half to vent because my friends aren't really all that spiritual or believe in anything other than reality. But I ask the Universe, my guides, whoever may be listening to give me signs that I need to move on, because I just can't make myself. I miss my ex like crazy and think about her constantly and although I tried texting her twice the past two weeks and she answers, she shows nothing but anger or resentment despite me doing nothing to her. In other words I need to move on but as much as I try and convince myself I need to, my heart/soul won't allow it. I try and convince myself she's not coming back, but my heart/soul won't believe it and tell me otherwise.

I ask the Universe, guides, God, whoever to let me heal, let me move on, let me SEE that I need to move but I don't see anything. She doesn't appear to be with anybody new and all of my friends still follow her and are friends with her on facebook so they always tell me it doesn't seem like she is (I'm not certain she is or isn't but they say she only posts pictures of her same old friends I knew). She posts on twitter seemingly bitter things about nothing in particular, so in other words, she doesn't gloat about how happy she is without me. And the strangest thing is while I'm driving during my hour work commute if I start to think about her or have a passing thought, I pass the same car she drives every time, always. She drives a Saturn SUV that I know isn't that uncommon but I know it's not a car everybody has.

So my point is, that when I've gone through breakups in the past, something always presented itself to signal me it's time to move on. Whether it popped out of nowhere that a specific ex was dating a new guy, or they were doing this or that and just made me think I'm better off, or simply that I just happened to meet someone new to move onto myself. Now as much as I ask I have nothing pushing me forward, no signs, nobody new, just constant reminders of her. Anybody else ever feel like the Universe, or your guides just keep giving you a bunch of nothing? Because on the other hand, I'm getting no signs that things will work out between us either, just neutral stagnation.

Sorry for the rant but it clears my head and if anybody took the time to read this, thank you.

maybe it is time for you to learn not to lean on the signs like a crutch. If you really think you need to move on, maybe you should just make it happen and live through the consequences of it not being as easy as you are used to.
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  #7  
Old 18-06-2015, 03:27 AM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Posts: 6,384
 
i felt moved to say, I felt the way you did a long time ago but wanting to be with her was like chasing shadows. That said, I did learn a lot before I finally decided I could let it be. But the learning was through terrible experiences I wish I didn't have to have.
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  #8  
Old 18-06-2015, 10:30 AM
loopylucid loopylucid is offline
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Felt kinda compelled to be here, which is unusual! As I normally keep out of these kind of posts! But..

Sometimes its because the answer lies here in our physical reality and our actions....
Signs are called signs, because they arent meant to be definitive answers.
This universe opens up endless potential paths, what it doesnt do, is take the steps for us.

So a thought to ponder. Two things stand out from your experience, one, she is disappointed and hurting and so are you.
Two, youve been very open here, and by sounds of it to friends to, about your feelings.
At what point has she been offered this information? Properly expressed, in this moment?

So as spiritual as we all are, sometimes it takes real action on our parts in the physical now, to resolve things, not a spiritual miracle lol

Have you considered actually telling her, your thoughts, your reflections and your desires here, in a format that cannot be interrupted or have its flow broken? Such as email or letter.

Maybe the sign you need... is from her and although this is a brave thing to do, which has no guarnteed outcomes but various options. Who better to tell you really?
Sending her your feelings, with loving intentions, ofcourse the rest is upto her.. you have no control after that, it can feel vulnerable.
It could be the case she doesnt reply, it could be the case she gives you the closure you need to resolve it, it could be the case she feels the same and wants to try to reconcile, be prepared for all of these options, but in doing so, and allowing her into your feelings, to in turn, allow yourself the information your heart needs to progress from this, might be an option youve overlooked and maybe a clearer way of finding out.
Whatever happens between you both, the love you had together can never be taken away, even if it doesnt continue in its same vibration, and this will be yet another mentor in its true light.

I wish you both much peace along this path, wherever it should go. Its always right where it needs to be ;)

Loopy
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  #9  
Old 18-06-2015, 02:29 PM
spiritofjosh
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I haven't checked this thread in a couple weeks but to respond to the above post, I have tried reaching out to her just to be civil, not to talk about anything heavy. I got very short responses back with a strong sense of anger albeit she answered very promptly. At this sort of situation that I've gone through in the past I usually just know to give up and usually I just naturally do so, not this time. I feel like i just need to give her time as much as I wish I could feel how I have in the past and give up.

I tell my friends about the conversation we had and they gave me responses much like I mentioned, to give her some time and that she isn't sure how to handle this situation on her end. Normally they'd tell me; "yeah man, just forget it and move on."

It's like I want to give up that natural feeling of hope that's sitting in my stomach but can't.
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