Honesty About Past

[IndigoGeminiWolf]

My mom's dog Bailey went missing a year ago, and she presumes him dead. She put out a flyer looking for him and posted online. A police officer who lives in our neighborhood said he saw her dog.

Because the officer didn't tie Bailey up and contact her, my mom blames the officer since my mom says the officer was the last person who saw Bailey. When we were driving around looking for Bailey, my mom said if she had a gun she would shoot the officer in the head for not tying Bailey up and getting her.

The day of his disappearance I was driving (before Bailey went missing) and saw him down the street at the stop sign. However I did not think to pick him up, and figured he would walk back home. Which he never did. He had never wandered off on his own before. He was like 17 years old.

Now that I'm studying Buddhism, I learned we should never lie. Should I bring up the past and tell my mom that I saw her dog a year ago wander off and didn't pick him up? I'm thinking bringing up the past wouldn't be compassionate to her, as it will create great anger in her.

My mom went out of town a week after that for a month. She told me it was a good thing he didn't wander off when I would have watched him because she would then blame me.

My mom seems to have Tourettes often shouting out profanities on almost a daily basis.

To not lie, would it be wise to bring up this mistake I made a year ago for not picking up her dog and bringing him home? If he had wandered off after that when I was watching him, she would have certainly blamed me.

She lives with me. Though she plans to move out next year.

[sky]

Originally Posted by IndigoGeminiWolf

My mom's dog Bailey went missing a year ago, and she presumes him dead. She put out a flyer looking for him and posted online. A police officer who lives in our neighborhood said he saw her dog.

Because the officer didn't tie Bailey up and contact her, my mom blames the officer since my mom says the officer was the last person who saw Bailey. When we were driving around looking for Bailey, my mom said if she had a gun she would shoot the officer in the head for not tying Bailey up and getting her.

The day of his disappearance I was driving (before Bailey went missing) and saw him down the street at the stop sign. However I did not think to pick him up, and figured he would walk back home. Which he never did. He had never wandered off on his own before. He was like 17 years old.

Now that I'm studying Buddhism, I learned we should never lie. Should I bring up the past and tell my mom that I saw her dog a year ago wander off and didn't pick him up? I'm thinking bringing up the past wouldn't be compassionate to her, as it will create great anger in her.

My mom went out of town a week after that for a month. She told me it was a good thing he didn't wander off when I would have watched him because she would then blame me.

My mom seems to have Tourettes often shouting out profanities on almost a daily basis.

To not lie, would it be wise to bring up this mistake I made a year ago for not picking up her dog and bringing him home? If he had wandered off after that when I was watching him, she would have certainly blamed me.

She lives with me. Though she plans to move out next year.

As she ( Mum) hasn't asked you did you see Bailey wander off you are not lying as you both haven't had a conversation about it, so I would leave well alone.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by IndigoGeminiWolf

My mom's dog Bailey went missing a year ago, and she presumes him dead. She put out a flyer looking for him and posted online. A police officer who lives in our neighborhood said he saw her dog.

Because the officer didn't tie Bailey up and contact her, my mom blames the officer since my mom says the officer was the last person who saw Bailey. When we were driving around looking for Bailey, my mom said if she had a gun she would shoot the officer in the head for not tying Bailey up and getting her.

The day of his disappearance I was driving (before Bailey went missing) and saw him down the street at the stop sign. However I did not think to pick him up, and figured he would walk back home. Which he never did. He had never wandered off on his own before. He was like 17 years old.

Now that I'm studying Buddhism, I learned we should never lie. Should I bring up the past and tell my mom that I saw her dog a year ago wander off and didn't pick him up? I'm thinking bringing up the past wouldn't be compassionate to her, as it will create great anger in her.

My mom went out of town a week after that for a month. She told me it was a good thing he didn't wander off when I would have watched him because she would then blame me.

My mom seems to have Tourettes often shouting out profanities on almost a daily basis.

To not lie, would it be wise to bring up this mistake I made a year ago for not picking up her dog and bringing him home? If he had wandered off after that when I was watching him, she would have certainly blamed me.

She lives with me. Though she plans to move out next year.

Your Mother is talking irrational and might act on it.

Telling your Mother what happened might change her mind from acting on it.

If your Mother does kill the policeman and you never told her, how would you feel?

[IndigoGeminiWolf]

Originally Posted by BigJohn

Your Mother is talking irrational and might act on it.

Telling your Mother what happened might change her mind from acting on it.

If your Mother does kill the policeman and you never told her, how would you feel?

That's a lot of "mights".

She gets irate when I bring up the past.

I'm looking to feel compassion for her, not hurt her with blunt honesty.

Over the last year, as I have improved, either she is getting a little more positive, or her negativity is just not affecting me as much.

[Phaelyn]

The dog wanted to taste freedom and explore this great big world on his or her own. Can't blame the dog for that.

[Phaelyn]

Originally Posted by IndigoGeminiWolf

her negativity is just not affecting me as much.

Really that's the question. How can you exist with her without conflict and negativity. Don't matter if the thing that will set her off is her
dog running away or somebody drinking the last of her coffee creamer... or whatever idea is making her crazy mad on any particular day.
I have a relative like that. I have learned to say very little to her. The littlest thing can set her off in a rage. She can be normal at times,
other times she basically becomes insane with emotions taking her over. One time she screamed at me because I didn't agree with an
opinion she had. Screamed, as in, totally lost it. Some people are just crazier than others due to brain chemistry or traumatic childhoods.
Have to tip toe around them carefully watching what you say to them.

Sorry to hear of your family pet.

Let the past rest in the past.

Let go of the guilt of the past also.(My advice)

You did nothing wrong.

Concentrate only on being at peace with your Mother.