I fell in love with my best friend

[Azmond]

I had the same experience as you. Only I stayed there, when my feelings were brought up, and even though softly, rejected. It was hard for me to hear her say, that she thinks, that perhaps I would have been the perfect choice for her. I make her smile, feel good, forget about all the worries and when she is with me, she is happy, and she knows I will always be there for her, but, she is afraid of loosing the friendship we have. It was hard for me to understand that, and I tried on several occasions to change her mind, but eventually, at least on the surface I accepted it. What followed were years of me sticking around her, while she would change boys like toys (It honestly felt like that at some point). After rough breakups she would hang on me and made me feel like she needs me, and then shun me aside, and got into new relationship soon after. When in relationships she would tell her boyfriends about me, and how I am as a friend more important to her, and if they ever wanted for her to break up connection with me, she would leave them. Then she told me all about, how she told them that. The words were heartwarming to hear, but at the same time heart-wrenching. After all, it was just words, and words that she perhaps should not have said to me so easily, when she knew all along how I still feel while years went by. There was even a moment when I though that my luck turned up, we both drunk, had a brief moment when we kissed, but in the morning she crushed all my hopes with the stupidest thing I have ever heard. She asked me if I want to be together, because she really doesn't feel like being in a relationship. All I could say was, why is she even asking me that? If I said yes, i want to try, would she try? I could never do that. It felt completely wrong and without any principals, but perhaps that is just how it was..

Long story short. I stick around, and we grew apart. Even though we still had time together and we laughed together, went out with other friends together, we grew apart. There were times when I was not able to hold it all up inside me, because being around her was the hardest thing I had to do, so I lashed out and made thing harder for everyone around us. We still grew apart though, and I moved on, and had other relationships as well.

No one can tell, you what is the right thing for you to do. You are unique, and she is unique, and what future holds for you two is yet to be seen. Just know, what you did, you did out of desire to save yourself from suffering, and with your best interest in mind. Even If you stayed beside her, you would still have had your best interest in mind, because maybe, just maybe someday she will let you in. There is no option that is right or wrong, or not hard. My experience with this situation never resolved happily even though I stayed. If you decide to stay beside her, if you two truly are best friends, the best advice I can give you is; Do this only because you care for her, and you want to be beside her, to see her go on happy and fulfilled. Don't wait for her, and don't try to be near just to live on crumbs and empty ego's promises. It is hard yes? Well it is something you did with ease, before you realised how you feel about her.

I wish you good luck, and all the best =)

[light25]

thanks for sharing your stories :)

It really helps me to get different perspectives, the bigger picture here
I begin to realize as well.. there is no right or wrong, should or should not.
It all depends on how I feel about it and what I want.

And to tell you the truth, to cut contact and let her go was a decision I didn't resonate with. I immediately regret that decision and felt terrible, hence we're staying friends for now.

Even if spiritual practices say you should let go of anything that doesn't serve you, but at the same time I understood this as letting the person go.
But I've come to realize it's never about the person, it's about myself. And I shouldn't let her go, but my idea that it should happen between us right now. But who am I to know what will happen in the future. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I have to set her free.

But honestly it's so hard to do. I still love her and loving her unconditionally is really difficult for me. The less I invest, the more we grow apart and I will see her go away and it will be less painful. That's the tricky part.. I don't want that either because that would meant losing a true friend.

To cut things short, I will stay being friends, but in order to do that I have to learn to love unconditionally (which is so difficult..) and focus on myself first. I will set her free and let go of the idea that she is the right one for me.

That will allow me to open myself to new possiblities in the future. I am not gonna play the game where I am all-in and she's not. I am gonna focus on myself again and be open to all possibilities in the future, I am not gonna wait for her.

And yeah depending on how I will feel, I will change this up. Align myself again etc.
Because right now I might be able to do it, feel that way. But who knows how I will feel in the future. I guess what I am saying is that I will make my decision relative to my feelings.

[7luminaries]

Hey there...Just want to say that if your main concern is not only your own happiness, but equally her happiness, then you do love her unconditionally. If you don't want to lose her as a true friend, this shows you do love and value her for who she is...

You are on your way. I would focus on you, but leave the door of your friendship open if you can. That is really the ideal, if you can find a way to manage it for yourself so that it doesn't take too much from you.

Friends can fall out over many reasons, and many of them aren't romantic...but equally one or both can still be left feeling rejected as a person and thus of course as a friend. I wish that the average heart could be forgiving when these fallouts occur...but often, they are not. The average heart has great difficulty dealing with the surprised pain and loss they may have actually felt when the other walked away. And they may never forgive them for it. No matter how sincerely that one may reach out or try to mend fences when they've found their feet again.

It is what it is. But if she is a true friend, I would leave the door open...even if she drifts away. Send her love & blessings from afar. Reach out from time to time. As long as the main focus is on you and reaching out purely from love and concern, and asking after her to see how she's doing from time to time.

You've got a big heart, and that's a wonderful thing. Care for it gently, and let it breathe

Peace & blessings,
7L

[LadyMay]

I fell in love with my best friend once. We are both female. But it didn't bother her at all which I was immensely grateful for. I learned to live with the feelings and it just became a normal part of our friendship. It was never awkward. We did eventually part ways though for other reasons, but we are in contact again now after a few years, but I don't have those feelings anymore. Sometimes a break is good and healthy. Don't cut it off forever. See how you feel once your emotions have calmed down.