Who and What am I?

Hello everyone. I'm 22 yo. And I apologize all of you guys because it'll be long post. But I'm kinda desperate about it. So here I go...

I remember even before my birth, I was in a place where's pitch black and timeless. All I can remember about that place and myself is that I was waiting, waiting and waiting. And I'm bored as hell. Then I was born and when I'm 4 my parents got divorced. But that's not the case. A day before the divorce (which is completely random event not planned), I saw a figure when I'm in bed. It looked like a clown but transparent, and short plus that thing was able to move very fast. He was able to roam inside the room in a blink. And was looking right to me as if it's shy but focused on me. So the next day I woke up mom and me moved to another place and divorce is happened.

Then when I was elementary school kid, in our new place there was a hall. Everyday for about a year when in late time there was a thing appearing before me at the hall. He was able to stand still in air it's eyes are piercing through me. It looked like dressed in black rags, bald, scars all over the body, very old but was about 1 meters height. I was like, every drop of energy in my body was drained. All I always feel drained and lie down like a dead weight, crying and screaming. I couldn't sleep lights off because of nightmares.

A year or two passed and nightmares stopped and sometimes my prayers to higher powers or God about a few impossible events came to be. I was surprised as hell. I always had strong intution and instincts. And I always felt I exist for higher purposes and that I'm special.

And from my high school years to a year ago. I felt so full of hatred to world and people. I was became and atheist and I could think of was my past which I suffered. I was thinking only eradicating life, destroying the system, arrogant humans, hubris that allows people to kill and destroy everything in their path. I was not capable of feelings. I didn't knew how to feel anything except hatred and rage. But I was always silent, blending into society and stuff. Plus my meta-events or wannabe meta-events are all stopped.

Plus I have incredible strong memory. I can remember even the details of my dreams, the places I went, my past and etc.And from late 2012 to present I started having lucid dreams without intention. And felt exact things I was experiencing in dreams such as cold, hot, air, pain, touching and everything. I'm able to see the things about my friends or family in my daily life. The infos they never shared with me. And when I'm with people I care about I could sense what are they feeling, afraid of and hopes, exact moment they lie about something. And the phrase "I told you so." became monotone to me.

Then a 2 months ago I wanted answers I was researching as hell about God, universe, life and how to become a better person. How to forgive, how to feel and etc. And I wanted to meet a friend of my friend. My friend said that the person I'll meet activated and can use his third eye and he can perceive some aspects of life better. So we met, he told me all about the Ascension, unknown world history, dimensional beings, told me that We're not of God's creation but we're like a chain of harmony and together we're god, the fallens and everything. He told me that I'm special as well. After that I started to become more positive person. I was able to forgive people for the first time in my life. Started to have hopes about world and goodness in people. I wanted to save them and etc. But I need stronger evidences. So now I'm here. Again I'm so sorry for posting this long. I hope anyone can give me some answers.

[Stevo]

"together we're god,"

[LadyMay]

It sounds like you're a natural clairvoyant. What answers are you looking for specifically?

I want to know if I am really seeing this things or its just I'm seeing things I want to see. And what're the things I described. Also I want to learn about truth of Ascension and my role in whole thing and what exactly I am capable of.

[Miss Hepburn]

But I need stronger evidences.
I hope anyone can give me some answers.

Gee, for another person to 'give' evidence of God or anything else
is a hard one.

We can tell you stories, we can tell you about miracles, answered prayers, near death experiences...maybe
about a saint or even Krishna manifesting in front of us
just anything ... but that isn't evidence, you know what I mean?

I love reading things from the mystics and listening to youtubes of
teachers ...when I hear their words...they rings true to me... I feel
their words (called sat sang) and I am uplifted...by being open
I have my own experiences.

I read the poetry of the saints from all cultures telling of their hearts
and the love they are overwhelmed with...why and how could these people lie from the 14 century....but still,
this is not evidence.

Good luck with your search...it will be fun!

Thank you for your reply MissHepburn. In a way you're right. Asking for another person to show evidence of God or any other meta-entities contradicts the question. But thats not quite my intention. I want to learn a way to perceive the universe, God and etc. Basicly I want the exact thing you told. Your experiences and guide to help me through my journey to the light.

[The Back Seat]

During childhood, we naturally have very active pineal glands/third eye. Then when puberty hits, our pineal calcifies and our pituitary gland takes more control. This would explain why you lost touch with you intuitive/seeing powers through high school.

It is possible to reactivate the pineal gland and reopen our third eye after it calcifies as you did.

I have opened my third eye and can now see energy/beings/aura. I did see negative spirits at some points. I turned to sage crystals salts and prayer to get rid of them, and it really worked.

Great post

[BlueSky]

I can't tell you who you are but I can point out that had your life circumstances that you shared been different, who you think you are would be different.
That's a good place to start in being able to realize who you are. You are not who you think you are.

hello....allulim

Your soul knows who you are and why you are here. Look and listen within. We all travel different paths with different experiences. Instead of seeking proof, just enjoy the ride. Your answers will come.
We are given what we need when we need it in our travels.

I liken it to going to school as a child, we do not start out in high school doing alegebra(thank goodness). We start with basic math and go from there. Learning along the way :)

In peace..Lilybugs

[Thunder Bow]

When your parents separated, at that time, you hated every one because your parents were no longer there for you. You mind at that time, added the whole world to that feeling of being left alone.

It looks like you healed from that childhood conclusion. You also healed from the negative internalizations about yourself. God is often considered as a super parent. Thus that why god figured into your equation.