The influence of other peoples perspectives on you

[Horse]

My younger brother is 2 years younger than me and for some reason hes always put me down and doubted my abilities etc. Despite the fact I fought his fights for him growing up and would demonstrate doing things that he assumed wouldn't work or was too afraid to do, he never changed his opinion of me being weak and lacking ability. I've been having random lucid dreams since I was a kid and my primary means of transport is flying so its second nature to me. When I jump out a window or off a roof, I know I'm gonna fly. If I'm on the ground, I just jump then I'm hovering. Heres something very interesting I've observed. When my brother is with me in lucid dreams, I can't fly. Last LD I had, I told him I was gonna fly and he didn't believe me so I jumped but I couldn't get off the ground. This has happened many times. One dream, I jumped off a rooftop (its always easier to fly when I jump off a height for some reason) and started flying but my brother just got edit and tried to explain it away. This tells you a lot about psychology or at least the psychology of me. I let the opinions of others influence my abilities.


Edit by SF Staff

Interesting one. Your case is a prime example of how dreams can act as psychological "mirrors". Flying is associated with freedom and happiness...which does not occur when your brother is present in your lucid dreams.

You have a gift though. Your lucid dreams present you with an opportunity to solve something that truly bothers you. No matter what you do, and despite the fact that you recognise your self-worth, you feel that you can never be good enough for your brother.

I suspect he may be jealous or even threatened by the things you can do and his behaviour may come from his resentment for you. When he is not around, you can fly. Perhaps you need to work out what you want from this situation. You may use lucid dreaming to problem-solve.

You may decide to speak to the dream version of your brother and get across what you feel. You may even want to practice in making him realise certain truths. Then you can put it into practice in real life the next time he undermines you.

If you don't make your dream reality (because your brother won't budge or for whatever reason), then at least you will know that you have tried and you can start "flying" in real life regardless of what he thinks of you (or perhaps the opinion about you that he shows - which might not even be the real one).

If he doesn't have the best intentions at heart and takes pleasure in belittling you, then you can tell him assertively that you will not tolerate being disrespected by him any longer. Make him feel that he is only pushing you away and if he loses you completely, he's only got himself to blame.

Know thyself. The rest doesn't matter.

Interesting, makes perfect sense to me since dreams mirror the psychological proccesses going on in the waking world and enables the mind to make sense of or express things that it cant or isnt aware of in the waking world too.

Knowing how deeply this affects you (even your subconscious reacts) does this make you want to set aside or explore your feelings about your brother? Maybe theres a deeper reason why you try to show him what you can do and why you feel a need to maybe 'prove' your worth to him?

Hmmm... it may also be a case of preserving the ego - which is very much a human instinct. The trouble with us is that we have a tendency to use the "lizzard" instinct in complex situations and forget that we possess a far more complex way of thinking which can be accessed via altered states of consciousness such as lucid dreaming. I hope you find a solution, Barnacle.

[Horse]

Originally Posted by Summerlander

If he doesn't have the best intentions at heart and takes pleasure in belittling you, then you can tell him assertively that you will not tolerate being disrespected by him any longer. Make him feel that he is only pushing you away and if he loses you completely, he's only got himself to blame.

Know thyself. The rest doesn't matter.

He talked about it when he was drunk and he said he doesn't know why he belittles me. Its some kind of automatic reaction. He was born with flat feet (and thus couldn't run or climb properly) and for some reason he never believed he could fight despite me showing him how to do it. I resented the fact that if we were chased (i.e. by the police or a group who outnumbered us) that I couldn't run, I had to stay back cuz I couldn't leave my brother behind and I resented the fact that was of no help in fights and I think he resented the fact that I was born with the ability to do things he couldn't (cuz of his flat feet). Turns out hes homosexual so that might have something to do with why he doesn't fight. I have all this repressed guilt from growing up with him because I used to get real angry when he'd belittle me with his words and being mildly autistic, I could never defend myself with words (I'm way better at typing than verbal communication) so I resorted to violence and since he never fought back, I always ended up feeling real bad about it. We're adults now so things have changed but I think the old psychological issues are still buried in both our subconsciouses. Ah well, this is life. Find me someone that doesn't have psychological issues and I'll pull a leprechaun out of my ****.

[Horse]

Originally Posted by Sangress

Knowing how deeply this affects you (even your subconscious reacts) does this make you want to set aside or explore your feelings about your brother? Maybe theres a deeper reason why you try to show him what you can do and why you feel a need to maybe 'prove' your worth to him?

I think I was his role model growing up because everyone in our group of friends respected me for being fearless but I happen to have high functioning autism and the older we got, the more apparent it was becoming that I was not normal. I can't socialise and that was becoming a problem because as people get older, they become more social. i.e. rather than getting drunk and going around causing trouble, the group of friends would want to sit around talking and socialising which is something I can't be a part of. My brother wasn't just emulating my positive traits, he was emulating my autistic traits such as walking like a penguin etc. When we moved house (I was 16, he was 14) I decided to become a loner (which is what I always wanted to do since I could devote all my time to doing things I like to do). My brother had a problem with this and he was always trying to get me to hang around with his friends but I refused to so he had to accept that I was no longer a role model. I've always felt a bit guilty about that so I think thats where this need to prove myself stems from. I couldn't be the role model he expected me to be. I wanted to but my brain is wired differently so I'm literally incapable of socialising and being normal. I've never actually put all this into words before so it was kinda therapeutic typing all that.

ahhh... that explains a lot. It is all still there, in your subconscious mind and also his. Don't let it bother you too much though because everyone has psychological baggage indeed. You are right about that. I also understand that the situation is delicate.

I think I was his role model growing up because everyone in our group of friends respected me for being fearless but I happen to have high functioning autism and the older we got, the more apparent it was becoming that I was not normal. I can't socialise and that was becoming a problem because as people get older, they become more social. i.e. rather than getting drunk and going around causing trouble, the group of friends would want to sit around talking and socialising which is something I can't be a part of. My brother wasn't just emulating my positive traits, he was emulating my autistic traits such as walking like a penguin etc. When we moved house (I was 16, he was 14) I decided to become a loner (which is what I always wanted to do since I could devote all my time to doing things I like to do). My brother had a problem with this and he was always trying to get me to hang around with his friends but I refused to so he had to accept that I was no longer a role model. I've always felt a bit guilty about that so I think thats where this need to prove myself stems from. I couldn't be the role model he expected me to be. I wanted to but my brain is wired differently so I'm literally incapable of socialising and being normal. I've never actually put all this into words before so it was kinda therapeutic typing all that.

Sometimes its just good to get stuff "out there" and even just be able to look at it yourself and be able to go "yeh thats how it is." Its good to have a voice and be accepted and understand oneself.

I think that choosing to look out for yourself and be who you are rather than him was a good move to make even if in a way you feel you didn't have much of a choice (due to your own ways of thinking) and feel that it may have impacted your relationship with him in a negative way. I think it was a very responsible and mature decision to make.

Imagine if you had tried to be the person he and other people wanted you to be? I think you may have been far worse off (and him too) if you went to such lengths because if your unhappy and frustraited (as I would imagine would be the case when your trying to be someone your not) then he probably would be as well in equal measures.

In a way, you doing your own thing is actually being a good role model regardless of the negative things that are attached to it.

It's saying that your an individual and you have the freedom to do what you like and be yourself rather than do things and behave in ways that everyone else likes and expects. Your independant, strong, fearless, honest and you have only the best intentions regarding this situation...what more could anyone ask for?

If your brother has a problem with any of it then you know what? Thats his responsibility, not yours.

I agree. Absolutely.

[Horse]

Originally Posted by Sangress

Imagine if you had tried to be the person he and other people wanted you to be? I think you may have been far worse off (and him too) if you went to such lengths because if your unhappy and frustraited (as I would imagine would be the case when your trying to be someone your not) then he probably would be as well in equal measures.

Unfortunately, I did give in many times, often with negative consequences. I'm easy to get along with so his friends liked me but like you said, I was becoming unhappy and frustrated because the more I got to know them, the more they'd want me to hang around with them and the less I'd be able to be alone. Nowadays the only friends I have are at college and I don't hang around with them outside college which is perfect for me.

Originally Posted by Sangress

It's saying that your an individual and you have the freedom to do what you like and be yourself rather than do things and behave in ways that everyone else likes and expects. Your independant, strong, fearless, honest and you have only the best intentions regarding this situation...what more could anyone ask for?

I think you're giving me too much credit there, but thanks. While I have my strengths, I also have my fair share of weaknesses. While I'm fearless with respect to dying and physical things, the paranormal scares the **** out of me. Has done so since I was a kid. I've faced all these fears in sleep paralysis and psychotic episodes but they still get me. I've experienced psychic phenomena in sleep paralysis and I used to try to ignore it and pretend its all in my head but I have to face the fact that its real, otherwise I'd be like an ostriche with his head in the sand. What you don't know can hurt you, no idea how the inversion of that saying became popular. Another silly saying is "jack of all trades, master of none", the way its used to imply that someone who knows a bit of everything is inferior to someone who knows a lot about one field. Heres my addition to that saying "jack of all trades, master of none, has many an advantage over master of one". This is why I believe its essential to gain an all round understanding of the paranormal as well as contemporary science. I'm a chemistry student but I'm more of an alchemist than a chemist. My father is a hardcore occultist and although I didn't know him until I was 16 (when I moved to his area), I think it was him that influenced me to break free from the herd and become open minded with respect to the unknown.