How do you know if the feelings are platonic or romantic?

[imawonderer]

Originally Posted by RedBasket

Great thread. I'm aware of the power of our thoughts in shaping our reality, so I truly understand your question.

I think that experiencing the depths of platonic love can be confusing because our modern western culture doesn't extol this type of love until it is physically consummated (at least in Hollywood!).

For me, the profound, deep, soul level of "platonic" love is defined as such due to barriers. They may be my own fear of desire/fear of an intimacy that combines the heart felt connection with physical union, or it may be an internal barrier because a physical union is not "acceptable/accessible" (they have a partner, age difference, they identify as being gay, etc). I couldn't admit to myself that I lusted over my twin because he was married and that seemed wrong to me to potentially denigrate his marriage bond even with my thoughts. Thus I always refer to it as platonic love, but it is a greater magnitude love than I have ever experienced, and I hope some day when we are both free it is consummated.

Also, there is a surreal quality about platonic love. It often flourishes without the lovers confirming it in words and there aren't the physical actions to confirm a sexual connection. One knows there is an undeniable connection that has occurred with a sexual partner ... you have slept together or kissed so it is clear there was a union. But often the push/pull dance of platonic love makes you feel crazy because the bond can't be defined and witnessed so readily as a physical connection would be. How do you make sense of such profound tenderness and caring when there is no physical union to underscore the reality of the bond; thus the mental questioning of "is this real?" "is this in my mind only?" "is this going on with him?" "can other people sense this connection?"* The hugs I got from my twin, the eye contact, the sound of his voice saying my name, even the way he shook my hand in public - he'd hold it in both of his hands for an extended moment ... these things were more intimate than most of my sexual connections with other men. This is where limerence confuses things too, and that topic has come up in recent threads.

Part of the personal journey of platonic love in my opinion is trusting yourself. Trusting your experience with "reality" in a liminal/transitional/fuzzy world.

OP, is your twin married or somehow unavailable? Do you sense your own blocks and barriers to admit to yourself the type of love you are experiencing?

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* as a post-script, my new hologram thinking is: yes, everyone around you has knowledge of the depths of a platonic connection too if they witness it. They may not verbally share that knowledge or let it sink into their conscious mind, but somewhere they realize it too. My then 9 year old daughter was around me and my twin as we worked together and grew close. She took our ipad and one day in front of me and my husband she wrote with her finger "Mom Loves [name of my Twin]." It was so honest, raw, and right there. My husband and I weren't ready to face up to this reality at that moment in time and just looked at each other without speaking. I took the ipad and said "Honey, the ipad is a tool for our business, it is not a toy" and we all changed the subject there.

Sorry for late reply..to be honest I don't know anymore it's pure confusion all I know he's a person I have strong feelings towards and I'm trying to move on. One of last conversation in one day gave me a headache one minute he would make a joke being friends with benefits and I was like no..then he had opportunity come mine he was like no it's a bad idea we are friends then the next he said its for the best we don't talk or see each other I want to focus on myself(we are friends .so that got me like"???") .. but 3days later he texted me saying he will come over but then next day he cancelled.. I give up..it's just a mess