Does your TF know how you feel?

[surlalune]

My twin is 33, I'm 30. Neither of us are married but he is in a relationship. I've respected that and have kept my feelings to myself. I'm sure if we had the opportunity to meet and talk again, the feelings would come up.

[RedRose]

Originally Posted by Katastrophic

So funny you mention the age thing, my TF is right around your age and the psychic I spoke with said he felt exactly how you described yourself lol! That in all his years he'd never had anything like this happen before, that he's met so many people in his life and that he's confused that I randomly walked in his life and turned it upside down! Crazy how these things happen lol :)

Lolol..Yes, it's too funny!..I find this whole experience Awesome and Funny!..Just when I'm just trying to settle in just being a Mom to my 7 yr old son, all this started happening!..lol..And it's interesting, OTHER PEOPLE WILL SEE this in your face!..When I met my SM#1 and felt his pure Love for me - it really did feel Divine!..I must've been glowing cuz my friends and family said "you're glowing!"..lol...They said "You glow when you talk about him!"..lol..and it's interesting cuz I don't romantically love my SM#1, I just love him for who he is/his Soul, I just think he's Awesome..lol.

SM#2 is more intense and our past life was more of a True Love in an intimate sense so it was WAY more shocking for me cuz of his age...It probably is a good thing to stay away from each other..lolol.....I don't know if you'd sense any past life connections/visions with your TF but I had some thoughts/visions appear literally in the seconds right before the eye lock...As I mentioned, he'd never been physically that close to me till then, which also crossed my mind - seconds before the eye lock, I was thinking why is getting so close?..lol..Cuz I couldn't back up any more, there was a chair in front of a wall right behind me!..lol..And I'm usually very conscious of my personal space..lolol...So when he was getting closer and closer (cuz he was walking my son up towards me and he was goofing off with my son), I was backing up till my calves hit the chair..& I looked around and realized I couldn't back up any more..lol..& then he was right in front of me..he'd picked up my son by his upper arms and placed my son in between us but dang, he was close!..my son was literally squeezed up between us!..lol..I was laughing with them as I looked down at my son, I looked at SM#2's forearm and didn't know why I was doing that and a thought popped in my head...I was thinking "alabaster skin"..hmmm, why?..my eyes were then traveling up his arm towards his head...then I saw an image of the Statue of David...hmmm..why?..then we locked eyes cuz his head was bent down laughing at my son, too, but happened to look up at the same time as I did, so we must've been eye to eye fairly close...As he was rising up (he's pretty tall), I felt my head tilt up (I still don't know what the heck I was looking at!..lol) and felt this magnetic pull from my chest area...My mind went "what the heck was that?!?"...and then I felt/heard my son yanking at my arm and then he'd yanked at SM#2's arm and then he came back to yank at my arm again which then broke my gaze...I looked down at my son trying to shake sense in my head for a second and looked back up at SM#2 and he still had his head positioned up staring at where my head was...lol...That's when he started to back up and I saw/felt his expression of True Love...This all happened in March this year...He disappeared for a few weeks, but reappeared once in April, not as my son's instructor though...In April, I was surprised to see him, didn't expect to...But he made sure I saw him - he'd leaned out and smiled at me but as I saw him and said "hi", he'd turned his body sideways at me so he wasn't full frontal...But as I looked up at him, for some odd reason I saw him as Cupid - the leafy head crown thing and white toga-like clothing...I almost laughed out loud...I wasn't sure why I was seeing this!!..It's why I thought I was losing my mind!!...lolol..After the eye lock, I kept envisioning myself putting my palm over his heart fir some reason, too..It was so strange..lol........The Psychic I saw in July this year had told me that SM#2 and I met back in Greece...He and I had True Love between us and that he'd died in my arms, with a sword stuck in his heart/chest...I didn't tell the Psychic anything about SM#2 except his first name (I didn't actually know SM#2's last name till recently) prior to the reading...So when she mentioned Greece, it hit me like a ton of bricks...The only person I'd ever told about when I saw if felt in March and April was my youngest sister, and I'd told her the stuff when as it happened...So no one knew any of this..lol..It was kinda freaky to hear the Psychic validate all this...lol............The Psychic told me that I was a healer in a past life and my Spirit Guides told her that I'm meant to heal SM#2 but she and I were unsure how I was to do that due to this huge age gap...We ran out of time before she could ask my Spirit Guides for answers..lol......I seriously need to learn to talk to my Spirit Guides!..lol...It's all been so fascinating!!..:)

Sorry to ramble on but this has all been so surreal and incredible!!..lol

[ForeverRestless]

No way. I mean he knew I had feelings for him back in February 2015. He saw them with his own eyes. But in March I did withdraw a bit so as not to show him any pressure (I had been taught that after men experienced a very emotional and deep experience, they had to withdraw to recalibrate. I've always tried to back off a bit to assure men they DO have their distance and I'm not applying any pressure, but somehow I've still had several men I've dated treat me like I'm clingy. On the other hand, I've had other guys come back to me later and tell me I was hard to read and they couldn't really tell if I cared. Trying too hard to control the situation I guess.) Anyway, I kept trying to give him space and not come on too strong, but he probably sensed my frustration that he wasn't being a guy and "rowing the relationship forward" near the end. We were 5,000 miles apart, so that was definitely a factor. Made it difficult to pursue. I had to wake up each day and remind myself not to push or pressure him, but I just missed him so much. I didn't want to end what we'd started. At one point I said a few things. One was to the effect of, "I love what we started. I just want to keep getting to know you. I don't know what this will become or what I want, I just love how I felt with you. I want to see you again and I want to see you while these feelings are still fresh." (For the record, I told him, in our airport hotel room the last night we were together, that I was very afraid of us "forgetting these feelings between us." He knew how sad I was but he was still reciprocating my feelings. he was terribly worried about me when I cried and when we finally kissed our last goodbye, he told me that he needed me to know he was feeling all the same things I was. ...As if I'd later question it.) Anyway, the other thing that frustrated me was when he began talking more vaguely about the next time we'd see each other, and internally, I started to freak. I knew I needed to allow HIM to be the man and PURSUE me, so outwardly, I said, "I know that if you want to see me again you will help me create a plan to make that happen." He said he knew and got frustrated. Said he had too many obstacles. Then he shut down, as men often do when things feel like "too much pressure." I would never want to make him do anything he didn't want to do or even influence him to my agenda. So I stopped talking about what I wanted and allowed things to unfold more naturally. Over the next few weeks he gradually distanced himself until it became gradually apparent he was cutting things off. I began to become deeply emotionally wounded. I'm still not sure to this day if he knew (he had at that point stopped speaking to me on the phone), because it was all over text. I kept trying to control my words and was glad he couldn't see me crying. But when he told me he wanted to have sex with other people and ultimately find a new girlfriend, I sheepishly told him I understood and that I would miss him and that what we had meant something to me. And that I was blessed to know him but was happy to live in the present. (Again, no pressure). To this day I don't know if it was the right move. If things would have worked out differently if I had said, "NO! I'm buying a plane ticket, flying over there and we're going to TRY this." I kept trying not to pressure him, but in reality I probably seemed weak, and a pushover. Like I was allowing him to have his way without even so much of a fight because I didn't respect myself and what I wanted. In reality I was trying to respect his free will. Or maybe he was testing me, to see if I'd back down when the going got tough... and I did. Maybe he was secretly deeply let down when I didn't put up a fight and thought, OK, this wasn't worth it after all... this wasn't real. But even that explanation seems off. He was on a huge ego trip around the time he ended things and that was largely because of how god-like he had felt around me. How much good I saw in him and how I spoke it out loud, how much I believed in him and encouraged him with his work, how sexy I found him. He was on an ego trip and ran with it for promiscuos behavior and finding someone to replace me.

I'll admit that at first, when he stopped communicating with me, I stayed away as a way to get a reaction. I told myself if I didn't contact him for 30 days... no 60 days... no 90 days... he would realize I wasn't pressuring him after all, he deeply missed me, and he had free will to come back. He never did. At that point it became a point of pride, so I never did contact him again. I also figured, "well, if he never came back, maybe he never cared to begin with." At some point (about the 90 day mark) I found evidence that 60 days into this "game" he had started dating a new girlfriend, and they are still together to this day.

I can't tell you how much that hurt. Again, my pride and my shame at being rejected and replaced kept me away.

I haven't told him how I felt in a direct way in over a year and a half. Again, I'm trying to allow him his free will. People say TFs come back one day if you give them time... I guess. But every day I see him choosing a life with this new girlfriend and it shows he doesn't miss the life he could have had with me. He prefers THIS one. He may be able to read subtle messages in lyrics I've posted, but I doubt it. I posted lyrics for years due to a previous lover I had and several of those appear in my TimeHop. He could believe they have no bearing on my emotional state or that all of them are still about my past lover (who I told him about).

Anyway, I don't know if he knows and I don't know if the outcome of this would be any different if he DID know my feelings. I'm so afraid of being embarrassed and shamed by my feelings due to him telling me he feels zero for me any longer. I'm so afraid to come forward.