Dysfunctional families

[voyantemontreal]

I deeply resonate with your experience. Through my own journey, I've learned that setting healthy boundaries is essential for healing. Consider this: our first duty is to nurture our own spirit. Perhaps exploring mindfulness practices or connecting with a supportive community could offer solace during this challenging time. Remember - your feelings are valid, and your path to healing is uniquely yours... Wishing you peace and strength on this journey.

[Starman]

Blackraven, there is psychology, which everyone has, and there
is also abnormal psychology, which is a deviation from normal
psychology. We can also say that all families function but within
that functioning there may be some, or a lot, of dysfunction.

In short, some families have a healthy function, and some families have
an unhealthy function, we may call that unhealthy function
“Dysfunctional.” It all comes down to healthy and unhealthy
practices. Abusing a person is not only unhealthy for the person who
is being abused, it is also unhealthy for the person doing the
abuse. Unhealthiness is seen as dysfunctional.

[blackraven]

Starman - I agree on all points you made. Thank you for chiming in and giving your input on my question. If you come from a dysfunctional family, you know it, because it affects you on a deeply psychological level. No one has the right to say otherwise.

[Starman]

If a person is, or was, in a dysfunctional family and they do not
recognize the dysfunction, then they most likely will carry on
that dysfunction long into their own life. But you are correct
Blackraven, no one, and I mean absolutely no one,
has the right to tell you there is no such thing as a dysfunctional
family, especially if you yourself have experienced painful abusive
behavior from your family. They are discounting and devaluing
your experience, an experience which they probably know nothing
about themselves.

Now I will say it used to be normal to beat your children and your wife,
in fact in past centuries it was legal, and it was not considered abuse.
I am old enough to remember when domestic violence was not against
the law and there were psychologists who did not believe in domestic
violence. I heard a licensed psychologist say that domestic violence was
just about women who did not want to do what their husband, or
boyfriend, wanted them to do. Thank goodness in most places around
the world we have become more sensitive to women and children.

I grew up with messages like “you should always respect your elders,”
that includes regardless whether your elders were an alcoholic or
child molester. I also heard “ children are to be seen and not heard,”
which meant children did not have an opinion or voice in anything.
These and other childhood messages I had to reverse in my own mind.
Most people carry childhood messages, some of those messages are
healthy, some are unhealthy, and some are just down right destructive.
I forgive my parents and siblings, they had dysfunctional role
models.

[FairyCrystal]

What stood out to me, and I haven't read everything, is that the OP said "I am the first to forgive..." and speaks a lot about helping others, always helping others.

Why are you so focused on wanting to help others? Helping others, and I now mean the 5D serving, comes once you have your own energies & issues sorted so your own vibration goes up.
All the helping you do before you've reached that stage stems from 3D issues.
Many people for instance have a subconscious need to be needed, so they help others as that puts them in a role of being the helper, in other words: you're needed by others.
That means you derive your sense of being good enough, self-esteem, and the right to be there, on this dynamic.
It is a low vibrational dynamic though and it doesn't serve you at all. It actually undermines you and keeps this going.
It doesn't bring you true self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, worthiness and so on.

So in that sense I'd advise to do what you said in later post you wanted to do: inner child work, personal growth & development and so on.
And I'd certainly take time to figure out what YOU want. What do YOU like? Do you even know?
Just asking as I've had a time when I could not answer that question. I drew a total blank!
I had to start with "What do I NOT want??" I could answer that. So I had to take that route to finally get to a point where I could begin to answer "What do I want?"
A few at first, but it got more and more as time went on.

Only when you have filled your own cup with self-love, self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect, inner strength and so on will you get to the place that you can do service work. As in help others on a 5D level. This then isn't an ego thing, no longer a need to be needed thing, it happens automatically as you come from sheer love.
You don't expect anything in return either. You help or give from a place of love but there are no longer any hooks attached to it. You do have that with the 3D level of helping & giving, even if you're not aware of it.
That means you need to have sorted most of your first 3 chakras. All the issues & baggage you carry with you.
Only then will you truly be able to get into the Heart and open it.

FORGIVING... I'll try to be shorter...
Many say they forgive but I doubt most experience true forgiving when they say that. It's usually a hollow phrase, meant to say "Okay, we won't talk about it anymore. We'll continue as if nothing ever happened between us."
But that is NOT forgiving!!!
When you forgive it's a feeling of love that is so intense, so incredible, so pure and high vibrational it feels as if you are floating above the ground with an aura that is huge, unmeasurable. It feels as if you're touched by soft fingers of unconditional love and that's what you also exude: pure unconditional love.
Your Heart pulses, you radiate and shine, it's the most amazing feeling.
I've never in my life felt anything more beautiful than that!
And in that moment you feel nothing but unconditional love for everything & everyone, including the person that hurt you.
And with that, all the lower vibrational emotions and feelings concerning that person or event are also fully transmuted into love.
No matter what happened or was done to you, it's gone. Completely, 100% gone and turned into love.

That's forgiving. And that's not what most experience.

I'm explaining all that so you can ask yourself the question: Why do I so easily let others get away with what they've done/said?
Do you have boundaries? Do your stand your ground when someone tramples on them?
Are you truly okay to continue with someone who has hurt you without telling them how you truly feel about it? Or are you actually allowing it to undermine your inner authority, sense of Self, and self-confidence by not speaking up?

Because -and I could be wrong- that's what I sense is what you're doing when you say "... I'm the first to forgive..."