Conflicting beliefs

[Perspective]

I was raised lds. Although I went in & out of "activity" - I did get married in an lds temple. My husband knew I had questions about the religion when we first got married. For a while, I'd drink iced tea & he threw it in the trash & I never drank it again until recently (only occasionaly). (Tea & coffee are against the church's "word of wisdom") Although neither he nor I are perfect, I think we both mean well. He grew up Catholic & took a while to "convert" to the lds faith, but when he did, he really did. He even served a 2-year volunteer mission.

I won't go into details, but just know that the lds/Mormon religion is such a huge part of life. After research & learning, I can't "unsee" how this (& other) religion is off, spiritually. I honor the good that the lds faith gave me & believe it can help my children in some ways, but it's difficult to be married to & parent with someone who so strictly adheres to what this religion dictates. We've had several conflicts - from short little remarks, to late night discussions without reconciliation.

I also worry about my kids. Like for daily family prayer, I like to close, "In the spirit of Christ-like love, Amen." And this upsets my husband & he'll rephrase it afterwards, "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." And other times we've conflicted in front of our kids about what to teach them.

How can a couple/2 parents reconcile religious differences?
Any advise would be really appreciated!

[Honza]

First of all I need to ask what is lds?

Religious differences are inevitable when people insist on seeing the Truth in a certain way and do not accept OTHER ways.

I think ACCEPTANCE is the key to reconciling differences. Either religious or otherwise.

Communication. And some plasticity will help. Just talk to each other and how you can find a middle ground. When kids are involved it becomes a lot more tricky.

I would personally just teach the kids about whatever different beliefs you both have, and be open about them if they're curious. But you'll have to work out something between yourselves first. Good luck to you.

Honza, LDS = Latter-Day Saints. It is the formal name for what is popularly called "Mormonism".

Hello Perspective. I know this might seem counter intuitive, but my suggestion is to put religious differences to rest, to simply not discuss them. (come to a agreement not to, with some kind of pre-outlined compromise.)

Thoughts, arguments, beliefs, understandings... these things only exist in people's heads. The beliefs that transcendent reality has inspired have nothing to do with the beliefs themselves. I think shelby spong said it best "God is not a christian! God is not a jew or a muslim, to think that we can confine "god" to any mode of understanding is unthinkable"

Whatever god really is, it has nothing to do with our ideas about it.

[Perspective]

Thanks for your ideas.

Honza,
I agree about acceptance - both ways.
The lds (Mormon) religion (like others) teaches the belief that they have the only way to God.

Animus,
Yes - I want to find the middle way. I stopped reading anti-mormon stuff because it was making it hard to find the "middle way" & live in peace with this religion that is still a part of my life. I try to accept where he is coming from (since I was there not too long ago).

Saladkiller,
I agree - that God, our Higher Power/Creator is God... no matter how we interpret. But I do think that how we define God affects us a lot - whether we see him as a punishing judgmental God, or a compassionate, loving God.

This morning, when I prayed, my son tried correcting me (copying his dad) & I explained, "The words in a prayer don't matter as much as the spirit & it's good to find words that inspire the spirit."
It's a 2-way street (as far as respect & acceptance)... maybe I need more patience.

Originally Posted by Perspective

This morning, when I prayed, my son tried correcting me (copying his dad) & I explained, "The words in a prayer don't matter as much as the spirit & it's good to find words that inspire the spirit."

Very beautiful.

This is the one main thing i have againt the religions of today, and how they spread.

Please dont get me wrong. Im not 100% blaming the parents. But its how we are brought up. We grow up in a certain religion by our family. Its just part of who we are. I dont fully blame the parents, because to them its just the same as what foods they like. Its part of who they are becasue of their enviroment.

Because of that, no matter what your beilfs are when you are older, and even if your parents let you belive in what you want when you aren older, there is still that part of you, that is ingrained with the belifs, of the religion you were brought up with. This can lead to a great conflic inside of people, with guilt and so on.

I think its up to the parents, to concsiously be aware of what we are teaching our kids. Whether this be school, yourselves ( belifs, communication/social skills etc), tv, the internet or friends, your kids learn from everything. And its up to you to give them the right tools.

I was raised roman catholic. I went to church, from birth to age 12. I was baptised, first communion and had my confirmation. Of course we had sunday school, and one of my most vivid memories of being a kid is learning about hell in sunday school. Even then, i remember thinking " why are they teaching us about this?? I cant watch scary some horror movies but I can learn about people burning in fire if were bad??" I could never understand why we couldnt do certain things ( i knew they were bad, and wouldnt do them), but I could never undestand why god could do those things, and then tell US not to do them.

I was lucky enough to have parents that dispite the fact they were raised catholic, they NEVER pressured me to belive in it. But beinng in a catholic school till grade 9, still ingrained a few things in my head.

Im not saying that religion is wrong or anything. And im not demonizing parents or anyones way of raising their children. But I dont find it fair to children, to "force" ( consiously or subconsiously) our kids into a certain belif. I think its wrong to tell children if they dont listin to their parents, they will burn in hell for all eternity. If you steal, even one morsal you go to hell. I think alot of us forget that life isnt about the parents. Once our kids come into this world, they are our number one priority. Our main biological purpose, is to spread our genes, and make sure that our children are around long enough to spread their genes. Why should we teach our kids something that tells them not to do something, even if it makes them happy??? ( of course as long as there is no harm)

Why is it so vital, we keep teaching our children, the very things that cause many of the problems in todays society?

An example, ill use is the Aloe Vera plant. Usualy dies at temps under 0C, by subjecting the plant slowly to colder temps, and the perfuse growth of offspring, he was able to create plants that can withstand -15C temps, just by changing the enviroment they are grown in.

It is no different from human fetus. The fetus develops in accordiance to its enviroment. How dangerous it is, cgeneral climate and others, jsut based on outside influences, and how th emothers hormones react.

Our brains absorb every enviromental que it can, to better prepare us for the world. Most of our brain development happens before the age of 5 as well. In many ways its not our fault. This means we end up becoming who we are by age 5 mentaly. Most of our life skills are learned by then. Also, this is the time when we are most bound to our parents.

[Perspective]

Sorry, it took me so long to reply to this, somehow it slipped through.

Mothwing,
Thanks for your kindness - it means a lot to me!

Time,
You bring up a good point - about conflict, which I'm conflicted about, lol.
Seriously, I feel like I'm going into no-man's land... Every time my husband & I get into an argument about religion, he has the church, most of our family & friends are lds, articles of faith (which tell exactly what "we believe") etc - all to fall back on.
What do I have to fall back on? You guys here on this forum (who I'm so greatful for!) - but we're all trying to find our own way. Nobody's telling us what to believe, well, maybe they are, but it's like the tower of babel, lol.
I know & treasure spiritual experiences, guidance & "light bulb moments" - but sometimes I feel like I'm going into unmarked territory.

About kids... I'm doing the best I can - I know I'm not perfect, but I love my kids so much & want the very best for them! I don't want them to feel the shame & suicidal thoughts because they're not matching up to some ridiculous cultural/religious standard.
I mentioned this before, but up to 80% of mental illness are considered to have their root in misunderstandings of Judeo/Christian doctrines.

I want my kids to have friends, to be accepted & loved by extended family. Unfortunately, that depends on their activity in the church.
I do like that everyone gets involved in church - even kids pray & give little speeches on their own, or with a little help.
But I am trying to give them other perspectives. Infact, once, my son got up in front of the entire congregation & said into the microphone, "I know the bible stories aren't really true, but there's good stuff in there & we should read it." My face turned bright red, but at the same time I wanted to hug him & laugh!