!! HELP !! I NEED TO HEAL AND MOVE ON !!

greenmxnz · #1 27-09-2019, 08:56 PM

I am burdened and truly sad. I recently ended a relationship, but I'll tell you how it all started! I'll try my best to keep it short, but if you are reading this, please be patient and give me your best advice!

I am a 20 year old who works for a data processing company, and I recently acquired the job. Ironically, in the same city that i moved to in order to be with my ex (we broke up a two weeks ago). Before this, I was living in a city 2 hours away working for a non-profit, and living in an apartment with a crazy lesbian couple that stole, fought, and made-up. It was just crazy. This guy had met me on instagram and he wanted to get to know me, so I let him.

He began to come visit me and made so many promises, prompting us to move fast. I moved with him, and i began to ignore a lot of signs. I'll break it down into three; (1) he had no motivation for his life or what he wanted to do. (2) He began to break promises that he made before I moved with him. (3) He grew cold very quickly, and I began to realize that he wasn't who I though he was!

Long story short, I broke things off because it was clear that he didn't love himself, and he was taking it out on me by shutting down, restricting affection, and never talking to me.

I'm angry because i sleep on the couch every night and I barely have any money or food to eat. I feel as if I was sold a dream and told lies in order to be in his life the way he wanted.

I need help; I've lost self confidence because of this situation and I feel as if I'm emotionally out of control.

TheMotherKnowsAll · #2 28-09-2019, 03:05 PM

You need to move out as soon as possible. Into your own space. Do you have any friends there? Maybe someone knows of someone that needs a roommate? What id your lease situation like there? Are you both renting the same apartment? Or just one of you on the lease? There are places you can go that will help you with temporary housing until you can get back on your feet. Post some more information about your situation and we can get this figured out. OK?

#3 28-09-2019, 10:37 PM

A saddening story... Sounds like you unwittingly enjoined with a very insecure man, the sort who will go to anyone who'll give him a cuddle and fall for his guile. (I've met this "type" - though I hate type-casting it does seem a feature of men who have had a flawed relationship with their mother). If it involved intimacy I'm sincerely sorry to hear it because - well, it isn't that these men have "made a conquest" and thereafter lost interest; it's rather than they've proved themselves to themselves and need to go through the same again, almost like an addiction.

But you've learned. Next time you won't fall for words no matter how sugary and promising they may be. When it comes to promises, judge by the deed not the word. That's serious. Expect nothing to come from promises and pledges until the substance materialises.

At least one part of healing is the awakening that you're under no obligation to him; given the chance you can get him out of your life. Meditate on being free. Visualise yourself "free" and being out and about and people smiling as they pass you in the street, giving you crafty glances. See/feel yourself as attractive...it's less about looks than just the "youness" about you.

And, as TheMother says, plan to leave as soon as you can. But note, should I be right about the insecurity, he'll get all emotional and may try to play on your conscience to stop you. You'll have to be brave and strong.

And the best of luck to you.

kurtis121 · #4 30-09-2019, 02:49 AM

Hi guys

Very interesting topic Healing is much more related with our life

kurtis121 · #5 30-09-2019, 02:55 AM

Hi guys

I hope get healing...

greenmxnz · #6 30-09-2019, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMotherKnowsAll

You need to move out as soon as possible. Into your own space. Do you have any friends there? Maybe someone knows of someone that needs a roommate? What id your lease situation like there? Are you both renting the same apartment? Or just one of you on the lease? There are places you can go that will help you with temporary housing until you can get back on your feet. Post some more information about your situation and we can get this figured out. OK?

Thank you so much! the apartment is in his name and he pays all the bills. I have no car but I’m getting one soon, and i have no where to go. I believe my mom is letting me move with her since she lives 40 mins away, but my job is going to be a pretty far commute so i need to buy a car soon. i want to find a cheap place because i still pay rent in the apartment i just left. i make about 500-600 a week, and i live in Norfolk, virginia. I have HORRIBLE credit, but it’s baby credit as well.

greenmxnz · #7 30-09-2019, 10:25 AM

Wow! thank you so much for that! i am so ready to move on and start my life. there’s a city next to mines that is totally a beach city and I want to move there and feel free! I have a plan to as well! I have forgiven him, which upsets me because I am so angry, but I am excited to move on!

TheMotherKnowsAll · #8 03-10-2019, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmxnz

Thank you so much! the apartment is in his name and he pays all the bills. I have no car but I’m getting one soon, and i have no where to go. I believe my mom is letting me move with her since she lives 40 mins away, but my job is going to be a pretty far commute so i need to buy a car soon. i want to find a cheap place because i still pay rent in the apartment i just left. i make about 500-600 a week, and i live in Norfolk, virginia. I have HORRIBLE credit, but it’s baby credit as well.

I have lived in Norfolk, believe it or not, but centuries ago. Lol, I am a LOT older than you, I am sure. I think it is great you can move with your mom for a bit, get some $ in the bank. Sounds like you are making some great choices. There are oftener room shares in that area, especially sublets for mil people who don't want their places to be empty while they are away. Check the papers. There are always jobs around beach towns, slower for sure in the summer, but lots of peripheral stuff, it is a HUGE area, plus people will be hiring for holidays if you need something close by to tide you over. I wish you the very best of luck - you are well on your way to getting yourself into a much better spot. Good for you!