I'm going to become selfish

[Shivani Devi]

Thank you for your help Lightseer, I shall take what you have said under consideration.

[Shivani Devi]

There is a VERY complex dynamic going on and it is one that I would much prefer NOT to deal with and so, I don't.

I actually have TWO daughters to my ex husband...One who I haven't seen for 15 years (my eldest daughter) and my youngest daughter who is very close to my brother and I am not really that close to my brother and never was.

I still see my brother from time to time, like at Christmas, or on his birthday or at Easter and we are pleasant and amicable towards each other, but he doesn't like hanging around me for more than about ten minutes. I will often see my youngest daughter at these parties, but she totally snobs me and any attempt at reconciliation on my part, is always met with " I am here because of Phil (my brother) and NOT you, so kindly leave me alone"....and yet she seems so "chummy" with my brother. I have asked Phil to help me sort out my issues with Liz (my youngest daughter) and he goes "that is between you and her, it is none of my business".

Liz is also the ONLY one who knows where my eldest daughter Chris is, but when I ask Liz for any information, she says "Chris is fine and that's all you need to know. She can contact YOU if she really wanted to sort things out and the fact she hasn't, should tell you something. Please just let it rest".

I have contacted my ex husband and he hasn't seen either girl for just about as long as I have and just doesn't care anymore. He says that I should just move on with my life and forget it because that is obviously what they WANT then after that, he sorta goes " please leave now because I am busy and don't have the time to talk to you" and shuts the door in my face.

Why the marriage broke down after 15 years? He became just too controlling and never let me have any freedom whatsoever. He was earning all the money, wouldn't let me work and interrogated me for hours when I asked him for $50 for a haircut, or a new pair of shoes or something I wanted...it was always "you look fine how you are" and "what is wrong with your old shoes?" and even "you don't deserve it"...One Day I just became so fed up, I left and my teenage daughters chose to stay with him because of their friends living close by, their school and their stability in that environment. I visited them twice a week for a few hours, but they made it perfectly clear, even at that stage that I shouldn't be bothered wasting my time...and that went on for three years until the eldest one said I was crazy and moved out of my ex husband's home taking her younger sister with her.

There you have the full story.

Why do you think I did all of those things you said before? Because I felt so much love from a source of an energy which pervades the whole universe, like I had never felt before and I realised for the very first time that God trully loved me, even if everybody else did not.

When that happens, it is something one cannot easily forget or let go of.

[Shivani Devi]

By the way...and just as an 'aside'.

You said that genocide refers to race...and "human" is a race, the last time I checked, so I'm not totally incorrect.

That being said, I have tried talking to my mother about this...her reply;

" Liz is just a total B*tch and I really hate her and want nothing to do...in the past ten years, she hasn't even said as much as "hello" to me whenever she visits. I have said "hello" to her many times, but she just ignores me and walks straight past, then goes and talks to Phil...

You should give up all your "spiritual rubbish" and fill your heart with hatred and loathing...You will be MUCH happier".

So, welcome to my "happy family". LOL

[Shivani Devi]

Yesterday, I asked God about everything I have been posting in this thread...and basically all I have been saying on SF for the past few months. His reply;

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, until the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.
Out! Out! brief candle. Life is but a fleeting shadow,
A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - Macbeth.

The reason why I don't just meditate and talk to God, is that I still believe I need people for something and they must exist for a reason in relation (or unification) with myself, but just maybe I have been mistaken about that for a very long time.

[barrynu]

Hi Shivai Devi

I would write a letter to each of your daughters and get your brother to pass it on...It may help you get stuff out of your system.
after you pass on the letter forget about it....send a letter a few times a year and let them know how you are and how you feel.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

Hi Shivai Devi

I would write a letter to each of your daughters and get your brother to pass it on...It may help you get stuff out of your system.
after you pass on the letter forget about it....send a letter a few times a year and let them know how you are and how you feel.

Thanks and that may be worth considering, if my brother agrees, of course.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Thanks and that may be worth considering, if my brother agrees, of course.

Write the letters first as it may be healing to do so regardless of whether they get passed on or not.....maybe write your brother a letter too(just a thought)

[Starman]

Originally Posted by Bubbles

As Gandhi said, you be the change you want the see in the world, don't tell them. Act, don't preach. I don't know why I fall in this trap, I see someone on reddit or any other social place, I try to open a door for them, be it meditation benefits or praying, chakras understanding and their logic, SR/SE practices etc... and all I get is responses from ignorant teenagers that talk back like experts, with absolutely 0 knowledge on the subject. I am not even sure why I am triggered. I think is because at the root of my intention, it was for a good cause, to help, to open a door for one who needs it to progress further. To see that you do not have to take a pill like lithium and xanax to numb your mind when instead you could take a spiritual approach, find the root of your problems, find balance, find joy, find yourself etc. I don't know why I get triggered, I usually wouldn't care. But I think I'm done. There's so much more for me to learn and practice. It is my fault I open my mouth in the wrong places. And then I realize, I am going to become selfish. Selfish in the way that I am no longer going to care into sharing knowledge with 'common' people that have no knowledge on 'spiritual' matters. It only arises annoyance and leads to empty talks with no real arguments. I will focus more on mastering what I know, on learning more and if I wish to speak about it, only do so in the appropriate places. Sure, in 'real world' I'm not making this mistake, I can read a person fairly easy. On the internet, I assume everybody is more open minded, but you never know when you are speaking with/or being replied by a 15 years old kid. I'm going to become selfish, for my own good.

Is there really any such thing as being selfless? When we do things for others, it most likely will make us feel good, so we get something in return and it is not truly selfless when there is a quid pro quo. Now mentally we can think about doing something for another person without thinking of ourselves, but what we are doing for that person is because of our own personal ideology, again doing it for personal reasons. No judgment, right or wrong, just an observation.

In the concept of “The Self,” all that we do whether for others or ourselves are done for that greater Self, and as that Self is eternal, how can we refer to something as being “selfless?” I think selfless refers to not having your “ego,” or the concept of “I“, involved. However “I“ am unsure if “I.” or “ego,” can be uninvolved in what I am doing. When I worked as a counselor, or teacher, I put it out there and then I had to let go of it, without being attached to the results or how what I put out there was going to be received. I do the same thing here when I post. Quieting my mind greatly helped with this.

I have had experiences of being moved by something much greater than my thoughts or what I wanted, and it is also my experience that the more the presence of light comes into my conscious awareness, the more I realize that I am not the do‘er. Regardless, I can be moved by love, hate, or a range of other thoughts or emotions. In my opinion, we are all possessed by what we have invited into our lives, and nurtured, and it is that possession, for better or worst, which influences us. I can have inner silence when I share and not be attached to what I have shared. Let whatever is there in that inner silence come forth; mostly your presence alone, without words, can have an impact.

[MisterHunter]

I learned this a while ago. I used to help people all the time however most if asked would not help back. It was often a one way street for them so I just gave up on those that refused to care.

[Goodfish]

Selfish is good when you care about survival, health, and your mind. Pleasure is bad