What to do when you're just like his ex.

[raamyn]

So we're in love, and one day I find that he was in love with a woman, I've known her for sometime now I just didn't know they were together. Now, I've been told by A LOT of people (who know both me and the woman) that I'm just like her. In my appearance and in my personality, and this thought is literally killing me. Because now I think he doesn't love me at all and he's just still in love with her.
Could someone please.. give any advice or insight.

[Clover]

So we're in love

This is all that matters. Everything else, silence the mind and silence the fear based thoughts. Although, if it's really killing you, it may be wise to bring up a conversation with him to get to the bottom of this block your feeling. Strong relationships require a great deal of communication- a lot of it.

It's not out of the ordinary to love or 'fall' into love more than a number of times in our lifetime,nothing one can change about that. He's human, it happens. However, I strongly feel his past relationships should not be defined or brought into your current relationship. Maybe your guy has a type or preference, most of us do, it certainly doesn't indicate your an identical replica of this girl. Physical characteristics do no measure or compensate to being emotionally,sexually, energetically or mentally compatible with a person either. You are your own unique individual soul and he is choosing to be with you. Be present in the now. What happened in the past doesn't exist anymore and has nothing to do with your current circumstances. Try not to find fault in the relationship ( which is an easy thing to do when a relationship is going very well). Know you are very much worthy of it, so silence the mind ( and your girlfreinds) and stay present, most importantly, talk to him.

[NurtureInNature84]

Love is all that matters. and some people look for pure genuine qualities in a mate/love. Don't compare yourself to anybody, especially exes. He is with you and not that other person for a reason and sees something much more in you. Your relationship sounds pretty special :) If it helps a lot of my boyfriends have always looked similar to each other, each with darker hair etc, not that I was looking for that only but some do have a type they are drawn to.

[FairyCrystal]

Could indeed mean he falls for a specific type, and you are that type too.
When insecure, talk to him about it. As Clover says, communication is very important in a relationship. I think it's the Nr1 most important thing.
Apart from that, look at what you see, what is, how it feels. How long ago did he break up with that ex? Was there plenty of time for him to get over her? Does he still talk about her? Do you feel he compares you with her? (I think not, it started when others told you about it). Does he like you for your own merits? Maybe you look a bit like her, but you will still have your own unique characteristics and talents. Does he value those?
Talk to the guy, and maybe even ask to see a picture, so you can judge for yourself.

[shoni7510]

It should not matter that you look like his ex because the guy might be having a specific type of a woman that he falls for rather you should be happy that you are that type. I doubt though that your man sees you as his ex even though you are alike he probably do not see it that way. It would seem that you don't have any basis to worry cuase he left his ex for a reason.

[Really!]

Rely on your good qualities & personality to make the difference ...

[Conscious Coincidences]

Don't worry- you guys are in love! And when you do worry then realize that it might be the other way around. He might actually have like you more, but chose her back then because he was too shy to ask you out :)

[Really!]

I agree w/both perspectives by Clover & Fairy Crystal ...

A good friend of my husband's had a string of 5 or more girlfriends who all looked alike ...
There was a time when "we" girlfriends could not tell them apart when looking at her face for the 1st time - it took up 3or 4 times to see the dissimilarities even though a couple were of different ethnicities ...
Consequently, he was informed whenever he had a new date/girlfriend to introduce her immediately to avoid any uncomfortable situations ...
I got to know each one of them personally, I assure you each one was differing in personality, goals, education, body shape, humor, career, clothing style, etc ...
It took some 40yrs for him to find his perfect match; a woman who allowed him to be himself flaws & all as well as one intuitive enough to understand his needs - to interpret & convey them w/the gentleness he required ...
With his wife Victoria, he doesn't have to be a tough guy or someone he is not ...
She cares for him mind, body & soul, whereas, the others had agendas of the youth ...
In the 33yrs prior to his marriage in October, I've never seen him as happy as he is w/Victoria ...
Not saying you'll have to wait as long, it just happened that way for the two of them ...
Love is based on many variables beyond appearance ...

[Glacier Serenade]

I totally understand how being compared to an ex, even in friendships on a similar line, can be annoying or hurtful. But it could also be a good thing, it depends on the circumstances of why the ex broke up/who broke up etc. As for worrying they are seeing their ex in you, try to avoid that paranoia and instead assume they think of you as someone else.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by raamyn

Could someone please.. give any advice or insight.

Fix your fragile self esteem.