Does everyone deserved to be healed?

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Diege

Hello!
Sorry for the depressing title just wanted to know if I am worthy of healing. To put the story short I have been diagnosed with Aspergers, Depression, Anxiety of all sorts, and the worst of them all, OCD. My OCD just recently got worse in May after a period of deep depression and it mainly just has been affecting my thinking. Specifically there was something I did as a child that came back to haunt me, nothing too bad, but something that makes me feel ashamed and full of guilt every single morning I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I've tried everything from meditating, reading books, writing, seeking counseling, you name it I've probably done it already. Just recently everything seems like it's gotten worse when i thought I was getting better though. I am at the point where I just don't know what to do. I have suicidal thoughts occasionally because the pain is so hard to bear. The suicidal thoughts just come from the OCD so it's more like I'm afraid I might do something to myself because of all the pain, but in actuality I won't do again and never will because I'm way too strong for that and I feel I have a purpose in this life. At the same time though I feel like I've done all I can and still nothing is getting better. I'm holding on to faith as much as I can and believe in forgiveness I just don't know how to do all this. I just want to know how come I'm having such a hard time forgiving myself for something I did as a child and how can I? I believe everyone deserves to be forgiven and deserves to be treated with love and compassion, but it's like I fail to apply the same values towards myself if that makes sense. Also more importantly can I learn to heal myself in anyway? Thank you all and I certainly appreciate your time!

maybe you are caught up thinking you need to feel a certain way after you've forgiven yourself. it's possible you do forgive yourself, but you don't want to avoid feeling so bad until you do some more stuff. Sometimes the bad feeling will linger after forgivness as a way to motivate us to do something kind before letting go.

I was mean to my sister. I forgave myself. but the bad feeling didn't go away so I said what do I have to do eh, write her a letter?!?! so I wrote her a letter. she cried and I knew she understood why I was so mean. Then the bad feeling went away.

[meadows]

Everybody deserves to be healed. Believe in yourself, learn to love and trust yourself.