what is this ?

hey thanks for the additional comments. its almost a month since i saw her now. i still think of her constantly but ok not seeing. i keep the memories close and they are vivid. i dont want to forget. i understand and appreciate the infinate heart concept. it feels good to feel as much as i can for my wife and her. but it does feel funny when i feel my foot is only in the door 80% because 20% is with someone else. but 80% of what i feel for my wife now is much mare than 100% a year ago and we are in a great time. thanks for the good thoughts.

jack your post means a lot for me because it is a real life experience you are relating. i can tell its much the same because the eyes like home is right on. i had concluded the first time i posted im staying with my wife and not developing the other, i just appreciate some insight and observations to help me understand. and your post is helpful and the comfirmation brings understanding.

i had a dream the other night with her in it. its the only dream i had with her so far. i went back to the pt. she was older 10-15 years. she was cleaning the floor and had a pail of water and a brush. she looked up into my eyes and smiled, then said " so you decided to visit your 2nd wife today", smiled and i looked into her eyes smiling back and said "sounds good" . then walked out the front door i came in. the eye contact was really strong and vivid, like it is when we are together in "real" life. this is only the 2nd time i remember having strong eye contact in a dream i remembered. so she is still in me pretty deep. it was good to see her...

[Xan]

Beautiful, Zack... Besides the dream I also like this: the 80% of what i feel for my wife now is much more than 100% a year ago...


Xan

Anam Cara...soul friend.

Chances are they feel it too but opt not to persue it romantically, to voice it would be to open up the romantic aspect.

Soul friends always feel like home. :)

[Xan]

Anam Cara... Soul friends always feel like home.


Lovely and true.


Xan

[awakeningheart]

Zack..your story is beautiful. It is amazing how the universe brings people into our lives at certain points. You are obviously spiritually aware, perhaps growing moreso every day and you are able to look at the relationship with this young woman with honesty.

It's frightening though, isn't it, when something like this happens and makes you question everything you thought was true, everything you thought you believed in, and felt loyal to.

My own situation is very similar - I too love more than one person, as does my 'soul friend'. We have been 'home' for each other for a long long time.

I think though, that you won't forget this person and I don't really see why you should, unless remembering her impacts negatively on your life. You could try to accept the experience with her as a gift from the divine, a glimpse into something bigger and peaceful.

I would advise too, as someone who has been through a similar situation, that you try not to judge yourself for your feelings and look deep into your heart as you have the answers within you. It is tempting to try to rationalize these experiences but if you just allow it to flow, but know that your wife, your family are where you want and NEED to be right now, you will find much peace.

Originally Posted by spiritmonk

There is one question that my intuition is pushing me to ask: What does this new woman/energy in your life offer that your wife does not?

Respectfully, this is the wrong question. It backfires, because it will make him compare and contrast, which is just wrong. Love can't or shouldn't be ranked like that.

A better question is: What does this new woman/energy in your life show you that YOU lack within your own self?

Because that's what relationships are about. They are mirrors. They show us what we could be.

To the original poster, I was very touched by your description. So much beauty. That beauty is within you. I think this woman is reflecting that potential in you, which is awfully cool. Can you see it in you? Can you bring those qualities out, so others see it? Including your wife?

Originally Posted by Xan

Zack... In all these wondering transformations and new understandings you've been experiencing here's another offering.

my wife and i are the best in years. although i sometimes feel guilty because i cant give 100%, since part of my heart belongs to this other girl.

Consider this:The idea that love and our hearts can be divided is a false notion. Love itself is unboundaried and undivided... it only increases and multiplies as we let go into experiencing it more deeply. I know this because I also have more than one soul mate.


Xan

Bingo!

Become that person you see in the mirror. Either your marriage will get ever more stronger because of it, or it will fall apart, or you will lovingly agree to go separate ways.

But first you must become those very things you saw in your soul friend.

this mirror thing is inspiring and have been pondering. also searched anam cara on the net. something ive under estimated is the compassion this person opened for me. when i was reading about anam cara i realize i am totaly open and have total trust in them even though a "stranger". i now see the good in people like i never have, even a person i buy something from in a store. i can feel their joy and pain, whatever they are feeling, i just feel it deeply and often try to share joy, or empathy/uplift the pain with a thought or expression. im oversensitive to everything, and had to numb myself years ago to people. close off, because i feel too much if open. but now this feels alive. this experience reminded me that the walking on clouds of joy, and sadness of broken heart or crushed dreams are both why we have a heart - to live and feel life. i dont mean just romantically, but when you care about life, people, anything, you enjoy and hurt more, and both are meant to be felt as deep as we can. it continues to grow with my wife. i thought when our kid grew up we had a 50% chance, but now, it would surprise me to split. there are too many great reasons to stay together and that feeling of being lucky to find her continues to grow. the sound of the ocean or lake shore reminds of my other friend, still sad apart but it does not really feel apart.

although ive never stopped and always played music, the mirror thing brings to light that my new increased dedication with music is important. music has saved my life before, and its why i believed in the unseen at an early age. ive always been able to pick up instruments and play them. its not like im learning them, but remembering. this happened with a turkish and chinese instrument also. it taught me early in life that our known world is a small corner of the entire world most unseen. my gift is music and was born with it but i have taken it for granted over the years. the mirror idea reminds me i am my best when playing music. all the things i feel that seem otherworldy or so deep, that i cant put into words i can define clear with music. that is my highest self, because that is the part of me most connected with the unseen. and that is the way i can best "be the mirror" and give what i feel to others.

[Xan]

Beautiful growing from that soul meeting, Zack. Thank you sharing your story with us.


Xan