Please Help Me. I am losing my mind.

[mystical]

Originally Posted by DulcePoetica

That is an awesome attitude mystical. I really enjoyed reading it. You know I realized at a certain point that every little thing I ever fell in love with about him was something that was also true about me. In a very literal way, I was falling in love with myself for the first time.

It is magical, and I would take the "better to have loved and lost..." adage one step further. We are the rarest of all because we really don't have to lose the love at all. It's amazing, so much so that I sometimes feel selfish. I have decided that I deserve unlimited access to that kind of love, and that the true essence of what/who I fell in love with is the part of him that resides within me. Guess what? He has no authority over my inner domain! He can't deny me access to my own soul.

You know what I say sometimes? Haha sucker! I get ALL of the best part of you and NONE of the messy, complicated, dysfunctional, irritating parts!

But in all seriousness, I do need to echo on the theme of acceptance. I had to stop being frustrated and self-criticizing about what happens every time I close my eyes. When I go within, his presence is my constant companion. To be completely honest about it, I feel I am getting the lion's share of awesomeness on this deal, because my external life is also very good. I am not as uncomfortable as I used to be with the fact that my inner and outer realities are different from each other. I can only assume that over time I will entirely stop feeling uncomfortable about our strange arrangement.

It's the only possible outcome I can see at this point anyway, since I can't change it and I'm just not willing to live a miserable life. So instead, I live with it, and make the divine power of love without limits a huge part of my awesome life. I dare you to find someone else who can say they are having a love affair that is so powerful it managed to break the boundaries of a three-dimensional reality.

It's unconventional for sure, but convention is for sissies.

well it took me a long time and a whole lot of pain to work through but u have to hit the bottom to knwo that you cannot go no further , i was broken my spirit was broken or so i thought , i thought i would die without him but one year on im still breathing, i never thought i would be strong again but here i am stronger than ever , i use to think i was bad and unworthy but i dont feel that way no more , i have come along way and i am so proud of me , the one thing i am the most proudest of is .......... when everyoen was against this connection and just told me it wa sin my head i never stopped believeing my heart told me that not eveyrone can feel that , not everyone can feel that pull , or get lost in someones eyes like that , not everyone can make the sun come out it takes sumone very special to do this , and it was him , i knew what i felt in my heart and even now i wont let anyone tell me different , I KNOW what i feel it is my heart and i am the one feeling it not them , he reached into my soul and touched me and he took me to god , they say in those u love you see the face of god , and god was there in all his glory , my twin has taught me everyhting i know now , he has been my master , its funny because they teach us the basics of this connetcion without them even realising it ,half of them dont even know about twin flames , but yet we have all the hard work to do, now i knwo it is to help them , as they say to help another is to help yourself , my twin has been my master and i knwo that although it is hard to not see him in the physical i will be reunited with him when the timing is right , because one twin cannot learn and grow without the other , sooner or later they have to learn of this also , im just glad i have got me back :) a better more stornger me , what doesnt kill you makes u stornger and i know now that no matter what obstacles i face in my life now it WONT EVER BE AS BAD no pain can compare i hit the lowest and i cnat go no lower i am falling in love with myself , and that gives me the same butterfly feeling as i got wiht my twin :) we think whne we have found them that we are more open more loving , more honest , afterall there is nothing we would give them to them? but yet we remain the same with everyone else , still distant .still mistrusting still very self protected , but all we have done is switched , we project eveyrhting back onto them , which is still us , so nothing changes , now when i meet someone i wont mistrust i wont distance myself because then i havent learnt nothing, instead when someone comes along i wil embrace them i will keep my heart open , because i am not like who i was , if i wnat my twin to be more trusting more open and more honest then i have to do the same with everyone also. afterall twin flames are mirrors they have to reflect back who we are and i have to love myself and believe in myself , because i love and believe in him :)

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by The Sphinx

Certainly there are others ways... but I offer my, "Tough On Yourself With Baseball Bat Zen," for those with stubborn hearts with pain, like bad acne, that just won't go away. Send only $9.99 if you want the program... $99.99 if you don't... No money back guarantee, in fact you pay us if you are dissatisfied for any reason. And 7L, don't miss this weeks special; You get two Baseball bat Zen packages for the price of ten!!!! And with that special offer, this week only, we will include a free 30 day trial of our 800 service where trained professionals will yell, insult and swear at you if you need a second party to jerk you up by the bootstraps.... After thirty days you can continue the service for only $16,000 a month plus connecting charges. And when you join, we will send trained black belts to your house upon request to kick your can all over the place until you say uncle and renounce your twin flame in the name of Jesus!!!!! Call today!!!!

I'll have to pass on your baseball bat zen offer but your pitch is pretty catchy, haha.

I am just trying to come to a level place without shackling my own progress or doing any harm. I think if our twin souls are only able to give love in the spirit realm and they not able to give love or be in contact regularly in the waking world because they feel confused or pressured or whatever the case may be, that is ok. That is where they are at. But we need to respect where we are at. We need to respect our boundaries too. Love is private, souls have their various connections, and it's no one's business but your own as to the why and how and what for, etc. It's too bad humanity haven't learned to respect this fundamental truth yet, but at this point in time we are called to stand for what we are on almost every axis imaginable. Including our own worth and our own dignity. Such is life.

I think it is good to be able to say, I will always love you and support you and wish you joy, but this will be platonic going forward. Because I need to reserve my energies for other things in my life, and I need to reserve my intimacy for the possibility (who knows?) in future of a love that will inhabit both the spirit and the waking realms. To say, I will always accept you just as you are regardless of what others think, with all the inconsistencies and scars and such that we all have, because this is what you need from your other half and because you haven't learned this lesson yet, and it's an important one. I don't think you can progress without it, and I want you to be happy and to go further. This is what love really is. Because only if you could be that kind of love in the waking realm, would you be worthy of the intimacy in the spirit realm as well.

John33241 said elsewhere that the twin soul experience was a lot to do with redressing the imbalance of the divine feminine. That always made a lot of sense to me and now I see it more on the level of balance of the individual soul. If unbalanced, there is a lack of understanding for the way women love (forgive the generalities). Is is holistic and integrated. There is no separation of love into spirit and waking boxes in the sense that the soul, the divine spark, & the heart are present in all realms. If love is not allowed to flow and intermingle and grow naturally in both realms, then it must be pruned back. Love is not something that can be put on a box on the shelf and picked up when you miss it or when it's convenient. Love is life, and life is love, and the various strands of both have to be allowed to weave themselves together in a natural way. So it is up to us to show the other half how women need to be loved. It's great to provide the love and support (platonically) to one another in order to help one another heal, grow and face their issues. We don't get there till we all get there.

But I don't think healing & growth is the only point after all. I think the real lesson is love and kindness. And the biggest aspect of that is learning how to love. God, self, and others. It all happens at the same time. We are bonded to some people because we didn't fully learn how to love God, self, & others. How to be love. How to be kindness and compassion. I can say, it seems you have rejected me in the waking realm for things beyond my control, which feels cruel. All the more inexplicable when you tell me you love me...recently in person and regularly in spirit. And yet I know you have the same needs for acceptance and love as I do. We're human. But I still love you as a person, and I forgive you. You are always accepted as you are. And I want you to find your joy with whatever and whomever in your life that you think is right. And I want to be free to find mine.

At least, that's how it seems to me. Comments welcome!
Peace,
7L

[7luminaries]

Mystical you are v wise. You write some v true & profound things.

I think you're right. We grow together. Sometimes you realise you have to teach some lessons about self respect and acceptance to your other half. Otherwise you will be left with nothing for yourself.

Also I think that some reunions may not be in this lifetime. And after the fact we will be reuniting with everyone anyway, and it's all good anyway by then, LOL...Or maybe we will be meeting them one day, just more as people we love who are a part of our life, like friends and family. Rather than as partners and lovers. At least it seems for the majority of us.

Has anyone else come to my place on the spectrum?

I now wish I could recall more of the voices of experience here as some did not return after the crash...

Peace & blessings,
7L

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Mystical you are v wise. You write some v true & profound things.

I think you're right. We grow together. Sometimes you realise you have to teach some lessons about self respect and acceptance to your other half. Otherwise you will be left with nothing for yourself.

Also I think that some reunions may not be in this lifetime. And after the fact we will be reuniting with everyone anyway, and it's all good anyway by then, LOL...Or maybe we will be meeting them one day, just more as people we love who are a part of our life, like friends and family. Rather than as partners and lovers. At least it seems for the majority of us.

Has anyone else come to my place on the spectrum?

I now wish I could recall more of the voices of experience here as some did not return after the crash...

Peace & blessings,
7L

I'm with you 7L. It doesn't have to be a romance to be spectacular. I've heard it said that expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments. Love has many forms, and all of them in their purest sense are decadently blissful.

I just try to live in the moment and tap into the inner source of love in any given moment. I never knew I had such a deep well. :)

[7luminaries]

I agree with a lot of what you say Dulce.
I have been thinking though, that it is perhaps more a management of needs and expectations...the buddhists take this philosophy.

Humans have needs for food, water, shelter, clothing, and love. This is a fact. And we learn how to be loving to God self and others because we have all received love in at least some minimal form or we would not have survived.
Without adequate love and touch, infants fail to thrive. Without adequate love and community, higher brain function is lacking, and critical growth, language, & reasoning functionality are stunted. Without love and compassion in their many forms, ppl are void of empathy and are classed as sociopaths. Love is a need, just like food and without it, we are less than fully human.

Having said that, I think there is a place for healthy expectations too. We can certainly apply expectations to ourselves. On the one hand, it's good to be tolerant and forgiving to self and others. To strive to love in the divine sense.

But on the other hand, that leads too can lead to the formation of healthy expectations. Such as, I expect that I will generally treat others with love and kindness & be treated by others with love and kindness, particularly those whom I am closest to. If that doesn't happen, we may be disappointed with ourselves or with others, but is this expectation unreasonable? No.

Clarification may be needed...I like this or this makes me feel loved or appreciated. What is unreasonable is to remain in the same situation when that is not the case. If we need to improve ourselves, we should strive to do so, right? If the behaviour of others puts us off, we need to make some change for our own sake.

I have tried to put this out many times before. There is a collective, and we are it. We are responsible for the way we treat others. How is our other half or anyone else in our lives any different? The tricky part is that, I suppose, when we apply those expectations to ourselves, making sure the other person knows that these are not "on them". It's still up to them to figure out what their expectations are, and to own those.

Peace & blessings,
7L

Originally Posted by The Sphinx

Certainly there are others ways... but I offer my, "Tough On Yourself With Baseball Bat Zen," for those with stubborn hearts with pain, like bad acne, that just won't go away. Send only $9.99 if you want the program... $99.99 if you don't... No money back guarantee, in fact you pay us if you are dissatisfied for any reason. And 7L, don't miss this weeks special; You get two Baseball bat Zen packages for the price of ten!!!! And with that special offer, this week only, we will include a free 30 day trial of our 800 service where trained professionals will yell, insult and swear at you if you need a second party to jerk you up by the bootstraps.... After thirty days you can continue the service for only $16,000 a month plus connecting charges. And when you join, we will send trained black belts to your house upon request to kick your can all over the place until you say uncle and renounce your twin flame in the name of Jesus!!!!! Call today!!!!

dunno whats funnier, what you just said or the fact that I would consider this loooool

[Aponee]

Originally Posted by Lady Valkyrie

((((hugs))))

- Telling him how you feel. Yes, he's in a relationship, but there is always a place for honesty, and you would know in your heart when the right time for that would be. I once read (when I was in the aforementioned situation) that the pain that comes of unrequited love and similar situations is the pain of NOT EXPRESSING your love. If you can tell him, you have told him. What he does with it is up to him, but you will have expressed your love. If you can touch his life in any small way with your kindnesses and compassion and willingness to allow him to be free, it will stack up energetically and be a healing experience for you.

Yes, it was a matter of telling him that set me free. It was a beautiful letter he can reread over and over, if he wishes. About three months after I sent it, he came to me in a dream and he clearly said, "that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." and then he was gone. I realize how I am never truly ever apart from him. Through telling him, I was set free to not only truly love him, but also others. I can now smile with joy at strangers. I feel joy for no reason, except that I do. I had been so sad for such a long time in this lifetime.

I see now through the 22 years that I have known him, that certainly in the beginning I wasn't ready to be with him . Oh what a long road we had ahead of us. There were so many other things we had to do and go through. Maybe we still do, and this is why we are not together. To really become whole first. Maybe I was the one that was not whole and over these last five years but I thought it was him.

I feel him in my heart all of the time. We are never apart, it's so beautiful that sometimes I cry. It's really only my ego that wants him here with me. Make him confess this depth and tell me I'm not crazy. To think that much of this time, we were really just fighting about love. This feeling of - I love you so much - I hate you. How could I love someone this much? So we push it away, get angry. Anger is a much easier emotion. Though no matter how many times I said - I’m done with this. I’m not going back. Give it a little time and I would return. I wasn't happy without seeing him. My soul needed it too much. So, I’d take that risk of him being angry.

I completely understand feeling like you are going crazy from this. When we awaken, it's hard to believe that right now we could really be in that place of true love. It's scary. It totally petrified me, and sometimes it still does. To have such a faith in a love you can only feel. The love seems like more than our hearts can bear, but we do get through it and continue on. :)

[seachild]

Glad to find this thread, as I am going out of my mind too. Suicidal thoughts, emptiness. I miss my twin alot, he is my home.

[Aldous]

The two halves of the primordial soul seem to want to reunite.

[seachild]

I feel like i am viewing slides of my future life (lonliness), current life (emptiness) and slides of us together doing fun things and the rupture. I feel tormented by this thoughts and it leaves me helpless.

Previous ruptures we have had and i felt reassured in this knowing, that we will be okay, we will meet up. This time i feel distance, its like feeling his transference of resentment and yet feel he wants to reach out.

He recently requested to follow me on instagram and i accepted, he liked one photo and nothing else. I did the same on his, and nothing more. A few weeks back he requested money from me, and i have helped him. Only texting no phone calls from him.

Besides meditating and doing my best to feel some hope in my life. Just like many of you who have gone through this, I truly dont want to be void of his physical presence in this life. This break up has been now 4 months, and i feel so much pain and devastation.

These dark thoughts really are full on, and the way he is carrying on, i know its to cover his pain to make it seem like all is great in his world since he broke up with me. If I am feeling like ****, he must be too right?

As during my recent overseas trip to NZ, like always he is on my mind, and yet i made it look like i was fine, having fun, whilst crumbling inside. It was a nice distraction for two weeks.