Why does he think I need his love?

Originally Posted by Raziel

You seem to have further insight into the OP than I do - from within the original post there is more annoyance conveyed than feelings of threat (backed up by posts on other threads).

Not difficult.

I have said repeatedly that threats are a different level altogether.

It's fair to say that if there's anxiety, there's a perception of threat at one level or another.

If you know for certain that the OP is scared not merely annoyed please add more context.

And...

In my last job I had to scan through contracts & agreements to see who was liable for cost - I read & read again as habit.

Well, you see, if you read posts like you read contracts, you're probably better giving up on this section. You're one of thankfully few posters here who need it worded like a litigation brief. People here sometimes prefer the succinct and go on what they've been given rather than wade through someone's life story that still only presents one side of things. I'm among the first to ask if clarification would be helpful. I still hope ParanoidHippie joins the dialogue later to add to what's said - it's what usually happens. She has confirmed for you her response to the guy.

Enough from me now. Not worth prevaricating. If you feel the original post inadequate, best sit out as I will now.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Not difficult.

It's fair to say that if there's anxiety, there's a perception of threat at one level or another.

And...
Well, you see, if you read posts like you read contracts, you're probably better giving up on this section. You're one of thankfully few posters here who need it worded like a litigation brief. People here sometimes prefer the succinct and go on what they've been given rather than wade through someone's life story that still only presents one side of things. I'm among the first to ask if clarification would be helpful. I still hope ParanoidHippie joins the dialogue later to add to what's said - it's what usually happens. She has confirmed for you her response to the guy.

Enough from me now. Not worth prevaricating. If you feel the original post inadequate, best sit out as I will now.

Anxiety is not actual reality though is it - a person perceives threats or complications at times where there are none. An anxious person may jump to conclusions & panic themselves unnecessarily.

I didn't want the OP curtain twitching & staying up with the lights on when perhaps there was a simple answer here.

The response was still a single line & in keeping with other posts.

Everyone leapt on the "fact" that the guy was a stalker - great news for an anxiety sufferer I'm sure.

I'll post where ever an alternative perspective might be required - even if merely for the OP to rule it out.

Unlike perhaps some I'm not a bookish middle class frump still in "university mode" therefore I see things a little more reality based - street level if you please.

Its practical - not just theory.

Nothing more - no agenda or axe to grind.

.

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Raziel

Are you afraid of him or annoyed that he seems to not acknowledge you being gay?

Is he from work or college?

If so you can complain to someone there, obviously there is always the police?

Male friends or female can ask him to back off...?

Does he follow you - how does he have your number?

I have a younger sister, female cousins & lots of female friends whom I would ask the exact same questions of.

Yea good questions.. an stuff 4 Hippie to think about too.

If he doesn't know where u live or work an this is all going on, on phone then change ur phone number an u wont hear from him again. And he won't find you either.

If he knows where u work then have ur boss tell him u have left and no longer work there as well.

[A human Being]

It's not so much the point you were making that I took issue with, Raziel - anxiety does tend to affect our perceptions of certain situations - it's more your tone and your belittling of the OP by comparing her to a vacuous American cheerleader. She's clearly in a vulnerable state (she mentioned anxiety five times in her first post) so your tone was inappropriate in my opinion.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Raziel

You seem to have further insight into the OP than I do - from within the original post there is more annoyance conveyed than feelings of threat (backed up by posts on other threads).

I have said repeatedly that threats are a different level altogether.

If you know for certain that the OP is scared not merely annoyed please add more context.

As I say, she mentioned anxiety five times in her first post, so the over-riding sense I got from it is that she's feeling anxious, not annoyed. If the guy really cared about her he'd be able to pick up on that, but, given that it seems he can't, it leads me to believe that he's simply obsessed and doesn't really have her best interests at heart.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by A human Being

It's not so much the point you were making that I took issue with, Raziel - anxiety does tend to affect our perceptions of certain situations - it's more your tone and your belittling of the OP by comparing her to a vacuous American cheerleader. She's clearly in a vulnerable state (she mentioned anxiety five times in her first post) so your tone was inappropriate in my opinion.

Appreciated but belittling is not in the posts tone.

I stated that I read the post in an American cheerleader voice & that perhaps I had spent too much time with ladies in retail.

If the OP doesn't sound like that in real life - perhaps God forbid she might find the idea amusing? Perhaps an "I don't talk like that I'm from Russia" moment is required - who knows, worth a shot?

In actual real life where ladies have been upset about various things (some more serious than this post) old Raziel went in with a little humor to raise a smile.

Yes anxiety was mentioned - "I suffer with anxiety" but she's capable of feeling other things too.

Look let's not play around here - you have messaged me & elaborated further, your privy to more personal information than I including probably further information on this guy.

The OP posted openly on a forum either just to vent or perhaps looking for advice - mine was "look don't stress & perhaps its not as bad as you perceive".

Many are repeat posters who misuse terms such as anxiety & stalking, love, soul mate, ego, TRUTH.

The OP posts often on the subject of men (other than this guy) giving unwanted attention, "cording" & men thinking they are your soulmate.

Just look at previous other thread postings - there is a theme.

All of the virtue signalling within this thread takes none of the above into account - as an outsider I did.

It wasn't done to offend but offense can occur in any given moment, offense depends on an individual or those subscribing to ideology.

A person suffering from anxiety might eat a chocolate & then panic that perhaps it contained something that they are allergic to. A genuine friend will reassure, distract or perhaps make light of something as a way to change the mood.

You don't rush them to hospital on every whim.

All of the anti Raziel posts have been silly internet drama whereby a cat & mouse game is played by each poster espousing wisdom. You all do it on every thread.

Every now & then someone is going to have a different take on life - go to a bar or the post office & you'll hear it everywhere.

That's life.

I won't molly coddle when these types of postings are habitual.

I'm married now but I've never not had a lengthy relationship since early teens. I have always had wonderful girlfriends & female friends (that often later develop into relationships) - as much as internet talking heads wish to frame Raz as heartless that is not stone cold reality.

Other opinions & ways of thinking exist - pick & choose to take advice or not.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Raziel

You all do it on every thread.

Right, the same way your tone comes across in almost all threads you post in.

I mean this with respect, but do you ever think how you might be being perceived in some of your posts? There's a few who have mentioned your harsh tone in some other threads, so at that point have you stopped and questioned if you're maybe a little harsh?

I'm all for calling a spade a spade - hell, I'm sometimes too direct, but it's self-reflecting, isn't it. For the record, it's not all your posts; I read one of yours in the Spiritual Development forum yesterday and it was brilliant. To the outsider it just seems like there's a little chip on your shoulder, that's all, and often we aren't aware how we're being perceived unless it's pointed out to us.

Happens to me a lot!

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by OEN34

Right, the same way your tone comes across in almost all threads you post in.

I mean this with respect, but do you ever think how you might be being perceived in some of your posts? There's a few who have mentioned your harsh tone in some other threads, so at that point have you stopped and questioned if you're maybe a little harsh?

I'm all for calling a spade a spade - hell, I'm sometimes too direct, but it's self-reflecting, isn't it. For the record, it's not all your posts; I read one of yours in the Spiritual Development forum yesterday and it was brilliant. To the outsider it just seems like there's a little chip on your shoulder, that's all, and often we aren't aware how we're being perceived unless it's pointed out to us.

Happens to me a lot!

Again it's appreciated but we have to be careful who sets the tone.


A person who believes that a past life grants them knowledge & experience is not the same as someone who has actually dealt with something in the here & now.

Is that harsh? To a person investing their identity in such a notion perhaps but if you want real answers perhaps it takes real questions being raised?

Often it is the people who believe themselves to be angels or fairies that are trying to dictate how things work in the real world - that's unfair.

Let anyone believe as they see fit but sacrificing a chicken will not cure your cold - I will say so if it appears to be setting someone up for a larger fall.

Perhaps some worry that a little reality with break the frail but I've been frail & I've known many a person that needed to simple gear switch .

That's all I do - I play devils advocate or offer the alternative.

Often people don't wish to hear that they have been scammed or cheated on & refuse to believe it, resulting in larger hurt down the line.

I introduce a concept - bat it away if needed.

At least someone said it instead of becoming just another voice in the echo chamber.

I appreciate you being fair about other postings of mine - it shows honour - we won't always agree, its unnatural - but different perspectives can solve a problem.

Isn't that the ultimate goal here?

.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Raziel

That's all I do - I play devils advocate or offer the alternative.

Playing devils advocate or offering an alternative isn't the issue - I do the same, always like to see both sides, as do many other here - but IMO (and others) it's how you play devils advocate or offer alternative opinions. Others feelings ought to be taken into account here with the tone used. I am speaking from experience here, believe me.

Originally Posted by Raziel

Often people don't wish to hear that they have been scammed or cheated on & refuse to believe it, resulting in larger hurt down the line

Yeah, I understand you here. Bury their head in the sand kinda thing. It frustrates the hell out of me, too, but again, it's as above really. Allowing others to feel the way they feel without us being ''You're wrong, I'm right'' approach.

Originally Posted by Raziel

I appreciate you being fair about other postings of mine - it shows honour - we won't always agree, its unnatural - but different perspectives can solve a problem

Absolutely, mate, and my intention wasn't to assassinate you. You have posted some good stuff, IMO. And you're right; we won't always agree - it'd be boring if we did!

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by OEN34

Playing devils advocate or offering an alternative isn't the issue - I do the same, always like to see both sides, as do many other here - but IMO (and others) it's how you play devils advocate or offer alternative opinions. Others feelings ought to be taken into account here with the tone used. I am speaking from experience here, believe me.


Allowing others to feel the way they feel without us being ''You're wrong, I'm right'' approach.



Absolutely, mate, and my intention wasn't to assassinate you. You have posted some good stuff, IMO. And you're right; we won't always agree - it'd be boring if we did!

Read all of my posts as John Inman & you'll soon take less offence - "I'm free"

My take on the OP was that from the multiple postings I saw over various threads - she makes friends & gets on well but begins to feel annoyed or repulsed by them when they (wish to?) get too close.

That might be down to past history, sexual confusion or merely age but it always sounded the same - with different guys.

I rightly or wrongly placed this guy in that category.

I obviously don't know - I don't claim to know but it was a theory based upon what has been said on many threads.

Did I need to point all of that out so early or could I just ask a question or two more like I did?

I even said - if she elaborates more then he may well be a stalker ...

My empathy & interest was there in looking into previous threads to try & understand where she was coming from - in not trying to panic her & shouting LOOK OUT STALKER at an admittedly anxious person.

Anyway I wish her well regardless