Ex boyfriend dream

[ragdoll]

I really think when he pops up in my dream it's a symbol of a guide spirit named Michael but I dunno. I told him to leave me alone a long time ago.

Oddly they look kind of the same.

Grey brown hair. Always a tall white male, slim


Anyway.

In my dream I was going to a party. I decided to get all dolled up. I wore a 50s style dress, bouffant in my hair, put on make up, the works. Ex boyfriend was there to escort me to the party. I was surprised since in real life I haven't seen him in near 20 years. But I dragged out getting ready. He had long hair and tattoos. I made him wait. I had huge pink heart earrings on and pink eyeshadow. I was let into a dilapidated hair salon by some bodyguards so I could do my hair. The place reminded me of a mechanic shop. I could tell ex boyfriend was interested in me but I wasn't. But I was acting like I was. Something told me maybe he changed. Maybe he isn't the same person he used to be. And dream him was a different person. He was kind and attentive and fun to talk to.

I woke up with the alarm and thought about it, then remembered what kind of person ex boyfriend really was. He was abusive, he and my parents had tried to manipulate me. He stalked me. After I broke up with him, my parents called me a bad girlfriend, told me I was a horrible person. I believed them and him. My ex friend, at his wedding, made me walk down the aisle with him as the maid of honor. I was so upset I didn't go to the reception. I didn't understand then how triggered I was. I just thought I was a bad person for feeling the way I did. He has since stolen his friends wife (,for a lack of a better term, she made that decision too) and is using her for money but she doesn't see it. Not my circus.

But this morning after waking up I started crying because he was my first boyfriend and I deserved better. I deserved a better first boyfriend experience, and my parents helped in making it bad too. I cried because they weren't there for me and didn't step up for me. For years after the break up they kept trying to get me back with him and we're conspiring with him behind my back to do so

I don't date because of stuff like this. I want to but I don't know how to navigate these things. No one has taught me how. I'm afraid of not being able to stand up for myself. Just the thought of dating gives me anxiety and panic.

I was angry because I deserved better. I wasn't a bad person and I didn't ask for this. God is supposed to take care of you, and I know other people have better experiences. Why did I have this one?

I made an appt with a psychiatrist.

[Lucky]

If it's any consolation I also have many dreams of my ex boyfriend even though we split 8 years ago and I'm now married. Just like you, in my dreams he is a different personality altogether. He was verbally and mentally abusive, lied, cheated and stole...yet in these dreams he is nice, helpful and kind..like complete opposite.

I suppose these recurring dreams are a way of our subconscious some how making sense of the relationship or showing us parts of our selves so we can learn and grow from the experience.

I'm sorry for the experience you went through, as I too remember the hurt and pain all too well. The beauty of experiences like this is that they give us an opportunity to better love ourselves. That is something we can only do for ourselves.

Hugs to you.

[ragdoll]

I processed through the day and realized that if anything, I'm angry at my parents for how they handled it. They have him access to me without my permission, and dismissed what I wanted. They helped him stalk me. When I reacted negatively to the situation (did not want it), they came down on me. They kept him near for five years. It was only when I told my friend, whose mother was my ex's mother's friend, what happened...then it stopped. My ex's mother threatened him, told him never to contact me again. And he didn't.

I want to confront my parents about this. I realize now that I have some PTSD issues about this, and it really does hold me back with relationships. The psychiatrist appt is saturday.

[Lucky]

That's completely understandable. I hope you find the help and support you need to overcome this...and I'm sure you will!

[ragdoll]

Yeah PTSD is the diagnosis. Woohoo!