Can't get away

[ForeverRestless]

Oh my gosh, I had such a reprieve. I've probably been in "remission" from this Twin Flame for at least a month. I was in the home stretch. I didn't care about him. I was happy to *finally* find the ability to move on this time, to look back on the whole thing like a bad memory, a time in my life when I was foolish, longing for someone who did not want me. I thought about patting myself on the back for overcoming it. I thought about how placid my life would be in the future, without this TF connection hanging over me. I thought about coming here to the forum and saying, "I'm out, I did it!" I thought about what that would feel like for me... if I was able to move on, was the connection ever real? I thought about the responses from fellow users on the forum, "Well, if you're able to get over him, then he wasn't ever your twin flame." Blah blah. For once I didn't care. I was glad if he wasn't my twin flame, because then it meant I could be out from under this. At least I'd be free.

The universe seems to have other plans. While I've been grazing the surface of thoughts about TF lately, never going too deep, the extent of my thoughts about him have been "what a sad, miserable, jerk of a human being. he made his bed and now has to lie in it, not my problem." I needed to feel like I was better than that, that I had a better plan of action for my life than him. I even felt a little self-righteous. "I don't need a person like him in my life."

Then, after like four weeks, the 1111s started in again. That was the first cue. I wasn't thinking about TF at all and I didn't want to, so the 1111s were annoying. They were constant. Something was coming. I started getting all of these signs for my TF's home city, but I didn't think too much of it. I even found out that my friend, who had plans to get married in his country, had changed course and decided to have her wedding here in the States. I didn't even flinch. I didn't care to miss another opportunity to see him. I was actually glad to not even be confronted with it. But the 1111s continued. A few 111s, too, and they continue this morning. It took about two days of 1111s and some weird Twin Flame signs before I had a dream last night.

It was a long dream. I was on a weekend trip with TF. We spent time with his parents, too. The whole thing started by him talking up front about my letter, saying that he hasn't had a chance to talk to me about it yet, but that it's plainly obvious to him that I felt something he didn't. That he just didn't feel that way. But the longer we spent together and the more we talked, it became clear that he DID feel the same thing I did, he just didn't THINK the same about it. He thought it was a useless pursuit, he thought it was completely impractical and not meant for him. He could not fathom how I could possibly have ever thought it was a good idea to have a transAtlantic relationship. I told him it's because of love. That when you are in love, anything is possible. He responded by saying no, it wasn't possible for him. He didn't want that.

The more time we spent together, the more our connection blossomed. We had sex exactly once, in a hotel room bed. I came right away. Most of the time together was just spent hanging out, talking. I could talk about anything and not only would he listen, he understood it deeply, innately. It was lighthearted. I was looking over to see him laughing all the time. He said he hadn't laughed like that in years. We just ENJOYED each other. His parents were suspect of me but they began to notice how connected we were. Everything TF brought up to me, I understood as if it were my very own thought. He showed me some art he made and I was so moved by it. What struck me is that I was neither intimidated by the work nor felt my talent superior to it. It was as if the work came from the exact same creative consciousness. TF and I were on the exact same thread. It's that feeling of home again. That feeling that he is me and I am him. I was back in that heartspace.

I felt no sense of clinginess or possession. I don't remember hanging on to him or kissing him or being needy or up in his business. There were a few scenes in the dream in which I was entirely by myself. But the souls of TF and I flowed together as if they were one. We could be physically sitting beside each other, not touching, and we felt as one. It was if I was back in that headspace from 41 months ago, when it was just me and him. He recognized the connection, too. At some point, there was no denying it for him. He just wouldn't take action. And I'm looking at him like, "OK, what are we going to do? Are you just going to let this go again like last time? It's obvious there is something here."

I awoke from the dream feeling like I'd just come back from a vacation. It was more than a dream; I met him there. So I lie in bed thinking about this and how real it all felt. And how I was hanging out with TF's soul self, not this 3D, miserable, curmudgeony guy who rejected me and who strangles his own heart. It reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the first place, the guy he is underneath all the other ****. The 5D, soul version of him. That's who we meet in the astral plane, anyway, right?

I don't have any desire to talk to him or do anything; that's all useless at this point. What I'm most struck by is the series of events here. I felt like I was completely out of this TF thing, had my head above water, was not even thinking about him. Then the 1111s start in. And I question, "Is something coming?" I still try not to think about TF and largely succeed. Then, within two days, this epic dream. I don't get where it came from.

It feels like the universe is trolling me. The goal is to make sure I don't disconnect from my TF, so they send out an S.O.S. (the 1111s) and schedule some astral travel. "We can't lose her!" someone says, and they orchestrate the whole thing. What is this about? Anyone else feel like their TF experience happens this way? Just at the very moment you feel like you're going to escape, your guides drag you back in? I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this thing. Not when I'm being 5D manipulated like this -- that's what it feels like. Do you ever feel like this? And Twin's not in my life and I'm not talking to him, so there's no action to take. What do I do now? Just sit with these feelings infinitely?

[ForeverRestless]

And I’m angry that I’m hurting. The pain of not having him has returned and I wasn’t event looking for it. I wasn’t focused on him at all. And suddenly after this dream I am accutely aware of how we are not talking. About how he rejected me over and over. About how he chose repeatedly to be without me and to be with another. I already knew that life was flat and dull after TF, but suddenly I’m awakened to the contrasts, once more. In the dream I felt what it COULD be like, now I’m back to what is. And I’m painfully reminded WHY: because TF doesn’t want to be in my life. Because I wanted it and he didn’t. Because this love is one-sided. Because I’m a fool. Because who i am was not good enough for him. Because he didn’t feel what I felt. Then I remember the album. How he wrote about me. How he talked about crying and bleeding so much that he wanted me to come back and kill him. How he talked about drowning. How he said my name. How he released it on my birthday. It wasn’t one-sided, so what was it? Why is this so confusing? Why can’t I settle on any single thought or explanation for how things are and try to accept it? Why am I even thinking about this today? Because my guides orchestrated this. And it’s torture. Feeling separated, feeling unworthy, and feeling like I’m going to obsess until I can figure it all out, but I never do. I never do. And the feelings never go away, because of things like that dream today. I am lost in this.

[jro5139]

Hi FR, I experienced something similar to you. I, like you, was working on getting past the past. I had, for the most part, accepted that tf was gone and that experience was just a part of my life that I needed to move on from. Then of course, I had a dream about him. My dream wasn't so much an astral visit though, it was more just to tell me what is happening in his life. Like you, I have no contact with him and had no way to know what was going on in his life, but the dream told me and due to the dream I looked on social media only to find out that the dream was correct.

If it wasn't for the dream I wouldn't have looked or knew what was happening in his life. But I have the same questions as you, why do I need to know? Why did the universe feel the need to tell me what was happening with him if he is not even meant to be in my life? It makes no sense.
I have seriously considered if this tf thing is really for our good or detriment? It sure came with a lot of pain, then a lot of good came out of it to. For me, I began to see things in the world for what they are and understand a lot of truth, as well as put me on a better path. So a lot of good came out of it, but if the only point was to put me on a different path, than why do the prophetic dreams about him continue? Why do I need to know what is happening in his life?
I would also say that the dreams I have about him are completely different from other dreams. They feel different in some weird way that is hard to explain, and they are prophetic. All the dreams I've had about him have come true, whereas other dreams seem to be more random astral experiences.
And I also agree, it would be easier to get over if the universe didn't feel the need to continue to inform me about his life. I don't get it either.

[ssdm1]

Oh FR I'm sorry you're going through this again. During the decades of no contact I would have a recurring dream of meeting him again. He would always kiss me. It's the only recurring dream I ever had. Then as you know he did come back and does kiss me.

Maybe the dream is teaching you to love. To have love for him even though he is not in your life. He's still out there learning as you are. Perhaps some day you will meet again. The trick is to let go of the expectation of being with them and accept what IS.

Very hard, I know. I struggle as you do with why he was brought back in my life. My bring him back, make me feel the love and yet he's in a relationship? Makes no sense. Plus with his health he'll be taken away permanently. Will he contact me from the afterlife?

This week I find myself in a place of being ok without him. We were supposed to have dinner with a mutual friend tonight, but it got cancelled. I felt fine about that. Then he invites me to his house for lunch today. I wake up with dizziness, room spinning, sick stomach (I never get dizzy) and had to cancel. Obviously we were not to see each other today and the Universe made sure of that. He's been sweet texting to see how I feel. Oddly I feel fine about not seeing him today, not upset about it at all, which is unusual for me.

You've been on my mind and I've been wondering how things were going, now this post. You are the 2nd person who has been on my mind who contacted me today.

[Angel44]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Because my guides orchestrated this. And it’s torture. Feeling separated, feeling unworthy, and feeling like I’m going to obsess until I can figure it all out, but I never do. I never do. And the feelings never go away, because of things like that dream today. I am lost in this.

Forever,

This is why your guides orchestrated this...because you still have work to do. One day NO ONE will make you feel separated, unworthy, and obsessive....and then the pain of TF will stop. Until then, our guides will constantly remind us. Yes, we get a reprieve every now and then, but not for long. The pain is prompting you to grow. Flow with it, don't resist.

I was in a very good place last summer. I thought of TF everyday but I felt no pain or longing. When December came, I started feeling like I was going to see him. I started seeing the 1111 again, his name, Bday, hearing songs and other reminders constantly. I didn't see him but I did have a dream about him (I hadn't had a dream about him in awhile). In the dream the telephone rang and when I answered the phone, I heard his voice. I said, "oh it's you" and he said "I just wanted to let you know I will be tied up until September" and that was it. The pain came back, however not as intense. For the next few months my spiritual awakening deepened and my connection to God grew. Now here we are in September...I'm packing for a MAJOR move (following what Spirit is telling me to do) TF is still living here in this state, I think. I haven't heard from him yet (or will I at all) and i just met a new man that could lead to something...stay tuned

In the meantime, I have NO expectations and I'm just going with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with TF. I really think I could be happy with someone else. And God has promised me "heaven" in this new location. I'm excited!!!

[leader_of_ten]

It feels like the universe is trolling me. The goal is to make sure I don't disconnect from my TF, so they send out an S.O.S. (the 1111s) and schedule some astral travel. "We can't lose her!" someone says, and they orchestrate the whole thing. What is this about? Anyone else feel like their TF experience happens this way? Just at the very moment you feel like you're going to escape, your guides drag you back in? I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this thing. Not when I'm being 5D manipulated like this -- that's what it feels like. Do you ever feel like this? And Twin's not in my life and I'm not talking to him, so there's no action to take. What do I do now? Just sit with these feelings infinitely?

The universe is (probably) not trolling you, though I know exactly how you feel. The universe might be addressing where you are headed after you've left here, and what mistakes you might end up making all over again. I don't doubt what you claim to have felt, but based on adjectives you recently used to describe him, you obviously don't like him in 3D. If this is true, I doubt the universe is calling you back to stand on station for him. It's his problem now? If I were you, at the very least I'd consider whether or not you've set yourself up to eventually become someone else's problem (ask me how I know this).