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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 13-08-2018, 06:46 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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What is the conscious way to deal with this? Ignore or confront?

For a spiritually awaken and conscious person (as in someone who values integrity of self and honesty in themselves and others), how would you deal with someone who is not being honest with you?

Let's say someone who you are dating cancels a date on the day of the date and says they'll reschedule it again, and then stays in contact with you but never again mentions the dinner? Like stringing you along.

(this is just an example, it can happen with an acquaintance or other person you don't know that well but you know they're bullish**** you and stringing you along).

Would you just start ignoring the person, not respond to their messages or calls anymore, or would you confront them and ask if they're stringing you along? Not in an agressive way, just honestly.
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  #2  
Old 13-08-2018, 07:29 PM
Cleo the cat Cleo the cat is offline
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I think that if someone is stringing you along, they are deliberately trying to make you feel confused and needy. They like that they can keep you on the back burner. I recently realised that the type of person who does this is controlling and manipulative.

I recently had a guy do that to me (plan dates but not follow through). I let him go, unplugged him from my energy field etc. I didnt question his behaviour - thats probably what he wanted. I ignored him right back.

Once he realised he didnt have a hold over me, he kept trying different tactics. They didnt work. I realise I dont need or want someone trying to play on my insecurities.

Obviously I dont know anything about your specific situation, but I think I'd forgive that kind of behaviour only if the person had a valid excuse for being flaky.
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  #3  
Old 13-08-2018, 07:37 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo the cat
I think that if someone is stringing you along, they are deliberately trying to make you feel confused and needy. They like that they can keep you on the back burner. I recently realised that the type of person who does this is controlling and manipulative.

I recently had a guy do that to me (plan dates but not follow through). I let him go, unplugged him from my energy field etc. I didnt question his behaviour - thats probably what he wanted. I ignored him right back.

Once he realised he didnt have a hold over me, he kept trying different tactics. They didnt work. I realise I dont need or want someone trying to play on my insecurities.

Obviously I dont know anything about your specific situation, but I think I'd forgive that kind of behaviour only if the person had a valid excuse for being flaky.

Good for you for getting rid of him!

Well I met this guy online, we had a few dates, took things further, and then he cancelled a dinner date the next day saying he would reschedule and since then he texts me many times per day every single day, but never mentioned again the dinner date or meeting again.

I feel the texting everyday is the stringing me along. I just don't like it. In any kind of relationships.

I like honesty, and I don't want to be in a serious relationship with him but also don't want to be in limbo world. It was fun up until now, now is not anymore.

I guess the fact he's doing this shows a lot of how he is and I don't like it.

That's what I'm trying to decide now, if I have a honest conversation with him, or just stop responding to texts all together.

I just don't want to stop responding without saying anything, because don't want to end up with him ringing my door bell or whatever.

But please notice, if I do have a honest conversation is because that's how I am and I value integrity, even if he is not like that.
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  #4  
Old 13-08-2018, 08:07 PM
Cleo the cat Cleo the cat is offline
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I get the feeling you want to know where you stand and have that honest conversation. Why not ask him out? Take the ball out of his court - so to speak. Say something like; "We've been chatting for a while now, are we going for that dinner then?"

His behaviour after that would clarify things for you. At least then you could end it with a friendly "Well I hoped we might go on that date, but I guess thats not what you want"

Your situation sounds a little different to mine. This guy I met would go hot then cold, but still stringing me along - none the less.
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  #5  
Old 13-08-2018, 08:10 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo the cat
I get the feeling you want to know where you stand and have that honest conversation. Why not ask him out? Take the ball out of his court - so to speak. Say something like; "We've been chatting for a while now, are we going for that dinner then?"

His behaviour after that would clarify things for you. At least then you could end it with a friendly "Well I hoped we might go on that date, but I guess thats not what you want"

Your situation sounds a little different to mine. This guy I met would go hot then cold, but still stringing me along - none the less.

Yes, this guy doesn't go hot then cold, he is quite consistent.

Yes I could do that, or simply ask him "hey do you still want to reschedule that dinner"?

It's just that I feel he's avoiding it, and I hate to chase people, especially when they don't act as they said they would, know what I mean?
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  #6  
Old 13-08-2018, 09:19 PM
Cleo the cat Cleo the cat is offline
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Yeah I know what you mean. I debated calling this guy out on his behaviour (not following through with promises of a date). But deep down I knew there was something not quite right about his behaviour. I liked the conversations and banter, I just wasnt feeling good about it anymore. I'd rather be alone than have the attentions of someone who made me doubt myself and question his intentions all the time. A good friend once said to me 'Never chase after someone whos not chasing after you'. So true!

I think you need an answer and some clarity though. Maybe put yourself in his shoes, say you were the one who cancelled the date and never re-scheduled, but texted everyday, then he says "hey do you still want to reschedule that dinner"? Would you think that an unreasonable thing to say?
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  #7  
Old 13-08-2018, 09:33 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo the cat
Yeah I know what you mean. I debated calling this guy out on his behaviour (not following through with promises of a date). But deep down I knew there was something not quite right about his behaviour. I liked the conversations and banter, I just wasnt feeling good about it anymore. I'd rather be alone than have the attentions of someone who made me doubt myself and question his intentions all the time. A good friend once said to me 'Never chase after someone whos not chasing after you'. So true!

I think you need an answer and some clarity though. Maybe put yourself in his shoes, say you were the one who cancelled the date and never re-scheduled, but texted everyday, then he says "hey do you still want to reschedule that dinner"? Would you think that an unreasonable thing to say?

I agree with everything you said.

You know, after our first date, he started flirting sexually and I told him it's too soon for that. Later on he told me he did that because he was testing me to see how I am.

So I wonder if he's doing that now on purpose too as another test to see how I am, or he's just not that into me and stringing me along. Any of them is nice.

To respond to your question, first of all I wouldn't do that to him. I value and live from integrity, but in the case that yes I did that, that could only be because I don't want to go out wth him anymore, and if he asked me that I wouldn't think is an unreasonable thing to say.

On the contrary, I would think is quite normal, and I even wonder if he's kinda expecting me to ask, that's why he keeps texting every day.

Either way, he's making me confused.

And you know what? Either being a serious relationship or a casual fun thing, it needs to be honest and transparent, otherwise isn't worth it.
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  #8  
Old 13-08-2018, 09:49 PM
Cleo the cat Cleo the cat is offline
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I so get where you're coming from. I always used to think people would treat me with the respect, honesty and kindness I showed them. And when they didnt It just confused the hell out of me!

I think youve got this one figured out .................... ;)
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  #9  
Old 14-08-2018, 07:31 AM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo the cat
I so get where you're coming from. I always used to think people would treat me with the respect, honesty and kindness I showed them. And when they didnt It just confused the hell out of me!

I think youve got this one figured out .................... ;)

Yes! I think it doesn't matter the nature of the relationship, honesty and transparency are key at all times.

I've thought of all the reasons why he is not mentioning the dinner date again, and all of them are bad: he's not interested, he's stringing me along, he's testing me, he's playing mind games, etc. Or he might just like the attention he gets from texting back and forth.

And then I just realised, why the hell am I doing this? This wondering is occupying space in my mind and using my energy.

Even if what we have is just casual, it still needs to make you feel good in it, and fun.

Otherwise, if you start feeling confused, wondering, feeling he might be playing you, etc, it's a clear sign something is off and needs to end.

The thing with talking openly with this kind of people is that they will not talk openly to you. If they did, you wouldn't be in that situation to begin with.

They'll just give an excuse like the most used one "I've been busy", and will not talk clearly.

I think the only reason I still like to have that talk is to have closure. At least I tried to talk openly and can them move on with all the information I need.

Stop responding to texts and not saying anything else just leaves you wondering "did I make a mistake" and "I should have talked to him", etc.

I'm still deciding what to do.
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  #10  
Old 14-08-2018, 09:11 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Then you think this " What would love do?" and you will have your answer.
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