What soul connection type do you think it is?

[ValVan]

There was a guy.
I was deeply in love with him for 3 years.
Our position was a bit complicated.
Year 1 to year 3, we didn't talk, year 4, we talked. And no talk then until year 5.
Year 5, I had a dream of him, and I fell in love with him after that dream, I tried hard to hold my feelings back and tried my best to avoid him. And he showed interest in me and always flirted with me a little bit.
I denied my feelings for him and tried to get in other relationships.
Then he left school.

Why did I do this? I don't know, I just didn't want to face him, when I looked at him, I wanted to run away, I see my defects, my wounds and something I don't want to face when I see him. I can't even look at his pictures.

I told him by email that I liked him. After 6 months, he replied and gave me his address telling me he had moved to other country. Then I never got his reply. Maybe my letter offended him.

I feel that he doesn't care and bother about me. And I decided to move on, why do I still dream of him so often even though I don't think of him? Why did the feelings always came back?
I thought he was my twin flame, but due to his indifference, I started to believe that he was a karmic soulmate, but there's much karma !? There's no take and give? He did nothing wrong to me, and so didn't I.
I almost could get over him, then yesterday, a friend of me just mentioned about him to me, now I started to think about him again, and I keep seeing his name everywhere..
I tried not to think of him, and I almost could get over him. There's pain and I feel hurting when I think of him, why? I'm not obsessed with him anymore, I don't love him anymore, why do I still have feelings for him? Why can't I look at him? Why does he make me face something I hate, something I don't want to see, something I avoid?
I'm afraid of him.
I'm sure there must be something between us. Don't know what it is. If there's karma, what kind of karma is it? What past life did we have together?
It's strange.. I tried not to think about him and move on. And everything was good, then the feelings came back again because my friend talked about him yesterday...

Can I cut cord? I really want to fet over him. Do you think not thinking of him work? I tried to figure out what I'm avoiding and what I actually fear, but can't figure out...
That person... just makes me feel so complicated.. I'm attracted to him at the same time wanting to run away from him.
Did I do something wrong to him in past lives?

By the way, we haven't seen each other for years, but still can't get him out of my mind. I know people say I'm wasting time, but I'm moving on, I control my thoughts, and it almost succeeded..

Honestly, ValVan?

It's no connection - a reaching out from you yes but without a receptor, no connection.

We own our emotions and it's up to us to deal with them. It's SO important to get this guy out of your being so you don't waste your life waiting around for something unlikely to happen. Obsession like any other addiction is spiritually unhealthy and draining.

You must try everything you can to banish him from your firmament. Find things about him you didn't like (no one's perfect so there will be things); when he comes to mind in your wakeful consciousness visualise yourself hurling a bolt of energy to vaporise him. There are ways.

This is where so many of these so-called theories fail. They don't tell you what to do when something like this goes wrong. They encourage the disgustingly unhealthy pretence that it'll all be well in the end. That eventually you'll be in union. Just wait around...this lifetime or some other one in the future. How many lifetimes are you willing to just fritter?

Good luck.

[ValVan]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Honestly, ValVan?

It's no connection - a reaching out from you yes but without a receptor, no connection.

We own our emotions and it's up to us to deal with them. It's SO important to get this guy out of your being so you don't waste your life waiting around for something unlikely to happen. Obsession like any other addiction is spiritually unhealthy and draining.

You must try everything you can to banish him from your firmament. Find things about him you didn't like (no one's perfect so there will be things); when he comes to mind in your wakeful consciousness visualise yourself hurling a bolt of energy to vaporise him. There are ways.

Good luck.

How do you know there's no connection? Are you God ?

Originally Posted by ValVan

How do you know there's no connection?

You said so yourself. Many indications in your post. To quote just a couple.

....."I feel that he doesn't care and bother about me. And I decided to move on, why do I still dream of him so often even though I don't think of him? Why did the feelings always came back?
.....I thought he was my twin flame, but due to his indifference, I started to believe that he was a karmic soulmate, but there's much karma !? There's no take and give? He did nothing wrong to me, and so didn't I."

Has he turned out to be any sort of soul mate? Does he seem to have that deep affinity that makes soul mates? Because, at the very least, soul mates are very good friends. They can be depended on.

....."By the way, we haven't seen each other for years, but still can't get him out of my mind. I know people say I'm wasting time, but I'm moving on,"

Standing back and looking truly honestly at your original post, do YOU think that's a relationship with things as they are? What your post tells me is that there's no further interaction with him. You want to move on, get him out of your mind. If you unplug something there's no connection.

Anyway I gave my sincere thoughts. If someone dealt with me like that I'd consider him gone, the thing over, and take action to get them out of my being.

Others may say something very different. Let's see. Let's hope so.

Bests to you,
love and peace,
L

Are you God ?

Nope. She's my deputy.
.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by ValVan

How do you know there's no connection? Are you God ?

Do you think this response is fair considering you asked a lot of questions throughout your post, which spike opinions?

What was your intention of your original post? Were you venting or did you want opinions?

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by ValVan

Year 5, I had a dream of him, and I fell in love with him after that dream, I tried hard to hold my feelings back and tried my best to avoid him. And he showed interest in me and always flirted with me a little bit.
I denied my feelings for him and tried to get in other relationships.

Why did I do this? I don't know, I just didn't want to face him, when I looked at him, I wanted to run away, I see my defects, my wounds and something I don't want to face when I see him. I can't even look at his pictures.

I don't feel able to comment as to the exact nature of the connection, but I feel that this is the key part of your post - I know it's not easy when you're hung up on some guy/girl, but my feeling is that you need to turn your attention inwards and figure out why you behaved as you did. Why did you try to avoid him and deny your feelings towards him, why did you feel that you couldn't express how you felt about him?

My sense of it is that he served as a mirror to you - but what was he reflecting back to you, what feelings did he trigger in you? I bold the word 'feelings' because so often we try to figure out these sorts of things in a purely intellectual way (I do it myself plenty), but it's on the level of feeling that you'll find the answers to these questions.

[ValVan]

Originally Posted by A human Being

I don't feel able to comment as to the exact nature of the connection, but I feel that this is the key part of your post - I know it's not easy when you're hung up on some guy/girl, but my feeling is that you need to turn your attention inwards and figure out why you behaved as you did. Why did you try to avoid him and deny your feelings towards him, why did you feel that you couldn't express how you felt about him?

My sense of it is that he served as a mirror to you - but what was he reflecting back to you, what feelings did he trigger in you? I bold the word 'feelings' because so often we try to figure out these sorts of things in a purely intellectual way (I do it myself plenty), but it's on the level of feeling that you'll find the answers to these questions.

Thank you for your comment.
Yes I think so. He's a mirror. But why is he a mirror? Why did I have such feelings for him only? Why not someone else?
The problem is that I don't even know what I'm fear. Can't even look at his pictures.

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by ValVan

Thank you for your comment.
Yes I think so. He's a mirror. But why is he a mirror? Why did I have such feelings for him only? Why not someone else?
The problem is that I don't even know what I'm fear. Can't even look at his pictures.

I had/have a similar connection to the one you are experiencing. And it is a connection - you connected on some level regardless of whether he is in your live now or not. We are all connected, for one, but only you know deep down whether you connected or not. Don't overthink the type of connection - it just is.

I started working with this guy 10 years ago. After 5 months I realised he was invading my thoughts more than I wanted at the time (I was and still am happily married with a family). We connected. I never had any intention to enter into a relationship with him other than as a work colleague/friend. But oh my this connection had the biggest effect on me that anyone has ever had. And continues to affect me to this day.

I ask the same questions as you - why him? Why not someone else? I realised a long time ago - we haven't worked together since 2010 and it was just after I left work I realised that he was a mirror (I had to leave as I had to put distance between us - see below!). He came into my life to show me many different aspects of myself. They don't have to be part of him, he is literally holding up this massive mirror and I have basically rebuilt myself from the inside out, spiritually, emotionally etc. I am not the person I was when we worked together, and have grown phenomenally as a result of how I felt about him, how I fought it, how he continues to invade my heart and mind despite the fact I have no spoken to him for over 5 years.

We live in the same town - 2 minutes drive from each other. I catch a glimpse of him around town very occasionally, we are connected on Facebook. Each time I see a post of his, or see his picture, or catch that glimpse of him? My world pauses, the floor beneath me seems to disappear and I feel as if suspended in space and time. My heart and soul is filled with emotion almost like I will burst into tears any moment (sometimes it can happen when he crosses my mind and I also get feelings in my heart - see the thread in this forum about that) - is that what you are afraid of? The intensity of the feelings that overcome you when you look at his picture? What to do with them?

I don't have the answers - just wanted to acknowledge I had read and totally understood your post. There is a connection, regardless of where he is at. How it affects you - you can 'control' it to a degree but sometimes these feelings happen to us that we can't control. I fought it when I left work, but this dug me deeper and deeper into the whole thing and I fell into an abyss. I was a lost soul for some time. All the time I loved and wanted to stay with my husband - and I still have no explanation as to why I felt the way I did about this guy. Or why it continues to persist - it gets easier over time.

However - remember this: This is still not about the connection whatever that may be, this is still ultimately ALL ABOUT YOU. What is the mirror showing you? What are you afraid to see, to confront? About yourself, your life? What do you need to do?

Happy to discuss further.

[ValVan]

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

I had/have a similar connection to the one you are experiencing. And it is a connection - you connected on some level regardless of whether he is in your live now or not. We are all connected, for one, but only you know deep down whether you connected or not. Don't overthink the type of connection - it just is.

I started working with this guy 10 years ago. After 5 months I realised he was invading my thoughts more than I wanted at the time (I was and still am happily married with a family). We connected. I never had any intention to enter into a relationship with him other than as a work colleague/friend. But oh my this connection had the biggest effect on me that anyone has ever had. And continues to affect me to this day.

I ask the same questions as you - why him? Why not someone else? I realised a long time ago - we haven't worked together since 2010 and it was just after I left work I realised that he was a mirror (I had to leave as I had to put distance between us - see below!). He came into my life to show me many different aspects of myself. They don't have to be part of him, he is literally holding up this massive mirror and I have basically rebuilt myself from the inside out, spiritually, emotionally etc. I am not the person I was when we worked together, and have grown phenomenally as a result of how I felt about him, how I fought it, how he continues to invade my heart and mind despite the fact I have no spoken to him for over 5 years.

We live in the same town - 2 minutes drive from each other. I catch a glimpse of him around town very occasionally, we are connected on Facebook. Each time I see a post of his, or see his picture, or catch that glimpse of him? My world pauses, the floor beneath me seems to disappear and I feel as if suspended in space and time. My heart and soul is filled with emotion almost like I will burst into tears any moment (sometimes it can happen when he crosses my mind and I also get feelings in my heart - see the thread in this forum about that) - is that what you are afraid of? The intensity of the feelings that overcome you when you look at his picture? What to do with them?

I don't have the answers - just wanted to acknowledge I had read and totally understood your post. There is a connection, regardless of where he is at. How it affects you - you can 'control' it to a degree but sometimes these feelings happen to us that we can't control. I fought it when I left work, but this dug me deeper and deeper into the whole thing and I fell into an abyss. I was a lost soul for some time. All the time I loved and wanted to stay with my husband - and I still have no explanation as to why I felt the way I did about this guy. Or why it continues to persist - it gets easier over time.

However - remember this: This is still not about the connection whatever that may be, this is still ultimately ALL ABOUT YOU. What is the mirror showing you? What are you afraid to see, to confront? About yourself, your life? What do you need to do?

Happy to discuss further.

Really thank you for your comment and opinion!!!!
Yea I guess it's the intensity that I'm scared of.
I'm afraid to be overwhelmed by the feelings.. it's intense..
The problem is that I don't know what I'm avoiding..

Originally Posted by ValVan

Really thank you for your comment and opinion!!!!
Yea I guess it's the intensity that I'm scared of.
I'm afraid to be overwhelmed by the feelings.. it's intense..
The problem is that I don't know what I'm avoiding..

Because you're determined to avoid finding out. This time I won't give my opinion why
since it's probably something you don't want to read.

You were brusque with me up there - that's fine of itself, it doesn't matter.
When anyone gives a view here they should be prepared for a backlash or rebuttal.
What that suggests however is that you really don't want to face what the
problem is regardless of any suggestion from me.
Again, that's fine, it's your business obviously but having expressed yourself here
and posed questions, people will try to answer.

A replier can choose from two types of answer: a sincere one or one that's socially desirable.
Sometimes they coincide.
You have both types here.
If you seriously want to solve your problem you really have to own up to your
part in the impasse and look into yourself. Honesty can sometimes hurt.

However, I'll bow out of your topic now; leave it over to others.
I did my best and wish you all the best, sorting things out.

♥