So confused about loving that certain guy!

[MissCreativeSpirit]

I have returned to the greater area where I was SOooooooh hung up on a guy with chemical issues. I am kind of confrontational about real feelings with him. Basically we have only been emailing about getting together, the weather has cause a great drama today. And my attitude towards the guy is "sh+t or get off the EMOTIONAL pot." I want a real solid relationship. And I do not want to waste time anymore. I am 46. He would have to get Super Honest and open and be willing and able to work on chemical issues now! Not later, in order for me to get in board for good. I have asked him to just tell me in person if he doesn't believe he would ever marry me. Doesn't this seem a reasonable request?

If you've only been in contact by email (i.e. haven't even met the guy in person yet), it does seem an unreasonable request. Think of the social awkwardness about your demand. "Does he believe...?"

Either answer, he can't win in your eyes. It's like one of those horrid interview questions sometimes thrown at people like "Have you stopped telling lies yet?" You can't win with yes or no so you have to null the question with something like "I don't tell lies anyway." Same with your question. His best bet is "I can't answer you." If you pair haven't met how can he know the many important things about you or you him? Things that in spite of the superficiality of "life" as it is now, are important in a long term relationship. Can you iron his shirts as he likes? Cook for him? Or is he happy to do these things for you? Who's going to earn the money? Do your pheromones attract each other? How adaptable are you pair? How much freedom do each of you want? Are you both willing to evolve and adhere to common ground rules?

But above all are you really ready to deal with super-honest and open? We'd all like everyone to be open and honest but it's a rarity in society today. If he answers your question with "no" would you feel anymore resolved?

I mean, marriage isn't a trivial thing. You have to know a bit about someone if looking for a partnership in life.