I want to let go of the past

crystalqueen · #1 08-09-2018, 09:55 PM

I had a crush on this person for some time. We had been friendly in the past but after I reached out to him as I was concerned for his mental state we got closer. We would spend hours playing online games and talking and I could feel the darkness around him was starting to fade. I quickly found myself with feelings I couldnt shake, it was more than just a crush, I was in love with everything about him. But I would never confess it because he was the type of person that got feelings confessed to every few weeks and I saw how it stressed him out. But truthfully I was protecting myself as I am a very sensitive person. At the end of 2017 we started playing games less but we were still talking. And when the new year came I could feel affection from his side, it wasn’t just me. This lasted about a week before his ex reached out to him saying they should be friends and just as quickly as we had become friends he dropped me. For someone he had vented about so many times. They officially got back together on valentines day and I went into a very dark place. Not only was my heart hurting, but I had lost a good friend. I have seasonal depression as it is so winter is always a bad time of year for me, this didnt help. They ended up breaking up but by that time the damage was done, and yet my heart was still the same it had been before he left. Fast forward to summer when I decided enough was enough. I did two meditations to cut emotional cords with him. They were connected at the heart and crown but I dissolved them. I thought I was fine, he got a new gf, life had moved on. I was happier than I had been in a long time. But the thing was when september arrived I was seeing him much more, it felt like everywhere. I realized then that my feelings were still there. But after everything I just want to let go of him.

I’ve tried meditation, doesnt work
I’ve talked to my guides they say “wait and see things will work themselves out in time” . Been saying that for months now

People say to follow your heart but I cant do this anymore. Im sick of feeling this way and I dont know what to do. I cant talk to my friends because they all tell me to get over it but I just cant.

I have a hunch this is more spiritual than emotional, but I would be curious what others think.

FallingLeaves · #2 09-09-2018, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystalqueen

I had a crush on this person for some time. We had been friendly in the past but after I reached out to him as I was concerned for his mental state we got closer. We would spend hours playing online games and talking and I could feel the darkness around him was starting to fade. I quickly found myself with feelings I couldnt shake, it was more than just a crush, I was in love with everything about him. But I would never confess it because he was the type of person that got feelings confessed to every few weeks and I saw how it stressed him out. But truthfully I was protecting myself as I am a very sensitive person. At the end of 2017 we started playing games less but we were still talking. And when the new year came I could feel affection from his side, it wasn’t just me. This lasted about a week before his ex reached out to him saying they should be friends and just as quickly as we had become friends he dropped me. For someone he had vented about so many times. They officially got back together on valentines day and I went into a very dark place. Not only was my heart hurting, but I had lost a good friend. I have seasonal depression as it is so winter is always a bad time of year for me, this didnt help. They ended up breaking up but by that time the damage was done, and yet my heart was still the same it had been before he left. Fast forward to summer when I decided enough was enough. I did two meditations to cut emotional cords with him. They were connected at the heart and crown but I dissolved them. I thought I was fine, he got a new gf, life had moved on. I was happier than I had been in a long time. But the thing was when september arrived I was seeing him much more, it felt like everywhere. I realized then that my feelings were still there. But after everything I just want to let go of him.

I’ve tried meditation, doesnt work
I’ve talked to my guides they say “wait and see things will work themselves out in time” . Been saying that for months now

People say to follow your heart but I cant do this anymore. Im sick of feeling this way and I dont know what to do. I cant talk to my friends because they all tell me to get over it but I just cant.

I have a hunch this is more spiritual than emotional, but I would be curious what others think.

sometimes, things happen even though you don't want them to. And pretending you have a choice as to how to respond when you don't actually FEEL that way doesn't really help.

My experience with this is that the only way to get past it is to build huge walls. But I've not been personally into that ever since I found out that any wall I can build WILL be torn down again. Which just leaves me, eventually, with the hurt I so want to avoid.

I've sort of decided if I have to face it anyway no matter what I do, I might as well face it NOW.

Doing the unthinkable, accepting that the hurt is going to be there and I can't stop it, allowed me to come to some kind of uneasy terms with it.

But that doesn't fix it.

I don't think anything can fix it, I've read enough of the bible to think god made this as a kind of 'curse' and I can't abrogate it. At least for everything I've tried I haven't found a way (not one that lasts at any rate), and now I'm tired of trying.

Best I can tell is, this is like a parent giving you cough syrup. They know it is good for what ails you but man does it taste awful!

#3 09-09-2018, 09:29 PM

One thing you have to remember is that if you’ve decided you can’t and won’t get over it, then you won’t. The danger is you meet someone else but this impasse fouls up what could be a great chance.

This is of course up to you but if you want to let go you have to decide you will. You are entitled to a joyful, fulfilling relationship without others' mental problems weighing you down.

I’ve been dumped and it hurts but I’ve always accepted that it’s up to me to get on my feet again. And - just an aside - if someone’s dumped me they’ll never get back. I’ve encountered just your situation and concluded that the bloke grumbled and insulted his ex- more from the bitterness of being sacked than being repelled by her. It’s really a lesson…don’t place much credence in what a bloke says about his previous partner and the story about their break up. It’s alarm bell gossip. You don’t want to be spoken about in the same way, exaggerated here, dramatised there, etc. (Edit, I don't think women are much different.)

You’re probably best shot of him. Make a firm decision you’re going to heal - affirm it if you choose - and sure enough, you’ll start to heal.

FallingLeaves · #4 09-09-2018, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Make a firm decision you’re going to heal - affirm it if you choose - and sure enough, you’ll start to heal.

for me, the jury is still out as to whether that is as good an idea as everyone seems to suppose.

#5 10-09-2018, 07:36 AM

Like I said, it's entirely up to crystalqueen. She asked what people thought and my thoughts were that I was happier recovering from a painful break up than letting that pain linger and fester away.

There's no doubt about if you decide you aren't going to heal then you won't. It's (in my view) a pretty negative affirmation if someone seems to want the opposite. The jury doesn't need a Philadelphia lawyer to tell them that.
.

Nature Grows · #6 10-09-2018, 11:25 AM

The pain we fear most if fully embraced is there to set us free.

linen53 · #7 10-09-2018, 03:24 PM

There was a boyfriend that I was still in love with for many years even though I had physically moved on and I was married to another man. It took many years for my love for this man to dissolve. We wrote to each other on and off for years and one day I just realized that I had outgrown him.

It takes time. Don't expect results to happen just because you want them to. Distract yourself by staying busy and being around other people. Avoid him when you can. If he hasn't attached himself to you by now his feelings just aren't as strong as yours are for him. For that reason it would be an unbalanced relationship if the two of you did get together.

betterdayswillcome · #8 10-09-2018, 09:56 PM

In my opinion and from experience you cannot let go until you are ready to. No amount of pushing and praying will change this. Accept that this is how you feel, keep yourself busy and one day you will wake up and he won't be the first thing on your mind or the last thing you think about before you sleep. Keep yourself busy my immersing yourself in your favourite hobbies as well as your career. Don't forget to spend time with your nearest and dearest too

linen53 · #9 11-09-2018, 03:09 PM

Well said better.

MissCreativeSpirit · #10 13-09-2018, 03:02 PM

I would manifest other daring potential options on purpose. I would look at the buffet of people on dating sights and read descriptions of your favotites and deliberately bask in the sharings that really appear to me sweet open to love and sincere people. This will help you attract a person like the ones you tabor on the dating site..