I don't feel love for my partner much anymore...is it time to move on?

Rayden_Greywolf · #1 29-05-2018, 02:32 AM

Hi, I usually don't find myself in these types of threads (about relationships and stuff), but I wanted to see if I might get some second opinions on this.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for about five years now, give or take a few months where we temporarily broke up. I sort of convinced him to move out from his emotionally abusive parents' house to live with me, and ever since then the relationship's been kind of dead. Neither of us wants to "make a move", though I did try a great deal in the first year of living together. He eventually overcame some of his emotional insecurity, opening himself up more to love and sexuality, but by that point it had been going on three years living together, and it felt as though I didn't love him anymore. That said, I still care about him immensely, and he's taken good care of me during my darkest year in depression.

The reason I'm thinking about this now is because I recently overcame a lot of my depression, and am a lot more spiritual and sure of my life path. I care about my partner....but I also feel like if there's a chance I could find someone who connects with me more on a soul level, then maybe I should take it. I don't know....I feel like we're good friends, but that's it. He tells me "I love you" each night, but you wouldn't be able to tell we're in a relationship besides that one example.

What do you guys think?

o0A0o · #2 29-05-2018, 02:47 AM

If you want to grow and someone in your environment is holding you back in some way.....and it does not involve some sort of sacred vow, honor your self and move on. If you can do so in a way that the other person can understand and not feel too much pain then it is all the better.

Imzadi · #3 29-05-2018, 02:47 AM

It sounds to me like you already know the answer to this. The question isn't so much, "is it time to move on?" but perhaps it is, "what is keeping me from moving on?"

If you are ready and desire to explore yourself and other possibilities that doesn't include a relationship with him, then it is better and healthier for you and for him that you let it go. Do him the favor of giving him the respect of being open and honest with him in a compassionate way.

Good luck and best wishes! :)

Blue Tiger · #4 29-05-2018, 02:59 AM

If you truly feel like you and he are more "good friends" than romantic partners then yes, it's time to move on. While he may not be happy about it, it's also possible he may be relieved that you speak up.

In the long run, if you don't love him it isn't fair to stay in this relationship with him. He should be free to find someone new and so should you.

By the same token though, if you do decide to move on don't keep it in the back of your mind that you "can always go back to him." You need to be sure what you want. Be his friend if you can, but set him free.

Rayden_Greywolf · #5 31-05-2018, 02:44 AM

Hmm....

Thank you for the advice. Yeah, I definitely think I already knew the answer to this. I had a thought the other day about the possibility of remaining friends....and then I realized, it wouldn't look any different than it did now. As in, there's already no romantic stuff going on, so it might as well just be a friendship. That thought kind of confirmed it for me. I'll probably end it sometime this month. It'll be hard, but its been a long time coming.

happy soul · #6 01-06-2018, 07:00 AM

Rayden,

A few pointers:

1. Follow your heart.

2. Do what gives you joy and makes you truly happy.

3. If you pray, pray about it. Whether you pray or not, be open to guidance. Guidance comes in two ways often - you feel good about your choice, and/or you feel certain of your choice.

4. This is very important. What will happen if the choice you're considering making is wise is that the feeling that it's the right choice will remain, it will endure, and you won't keep second guessing it or changing your mind. For example, when a person has a dream, or a strong desire to do something, the desire doesn't 'flicker,' it remains pure, like a steady, sturdy, strong feeling. They don't DOUBT it. They say, 'When in doubt, DON'T!' You can discern whether the choice is from Spirit in that way.

I hope this helps.

Nature Grows · #7 02-06-2018, 08:38 PM

Try communicating how you feel with him, you sound a bit bored maybe too? communicate an do something/s to make things not so boring. If you still feel nothing and like you don't want to be with him anymore then its up to you.

angelic star · #8 03-06-2018, 07:15 AM

Well if you have an urge to find something more, and this relationship has now run its course, then you should not hesitate to move on. It's hard because of previous attachments, obligations and time invested on someone at times, there are expectations of another and thin lines between what must be done. We strive to do the right thing most times, but if you already feel you are ready for more then you should not hesitate to find it.
Sometimes we get very attached to people, but it's not really love, sometimes it's habit, or societal obligations.
If you truly love someone, you never doubt whether you want to be with them or not for a longer period of time.
There is a saying by a famous saint' If you cannot appreciate someone its better to let them go'. If you are more ready for something or someone else, and want to find it, it isn't too bad to go for it. It wouldn't be selfish to be honest with yourself and with another about what you want. Or take time apart to figure it out more about yourself.

Rainbow11 · #9 18-06-2018, 08:23 AM

I know this is not a recent post. But this has to be a sign. You almost described me at this point. Aside from the partners family being abusive, everything else you described seems nearly identical.

I am feeling sick in the stomach about what decision to make. One minute I am convinced I know the answer, but he is actually quite good to me and loves me a lot, and I feel like the worst person in the world. Of course I love him too. But I am questioning whether we are in a rut or if I am no longer in love with him. I also feel i need someone I can connect with on a deeper level, and someone who is more physically affectionate than I am.

I would love to hear any update from your end. Hope all worked out well for you x.

Clio_86 · #10 24-06-2018, 03:31 AM

I went through something similar. I started to feel that way and gave it two years to see if it was just a "grass is greener" situation. It wasn't. So we broke up after six years. We luckily had a great break up and were friends for eight months. It still was hard, a lot harder than I thought. Now he has a new gf and has cut me out which is also hard as we were best friends. I love him so much, just not in a romantic way. Our last two years of dating were distance, which made it easier though.