Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaere
That's some very strong emotion, you've obviously experienced (and are experiencing) serious trauma. I am truly hoping you find someone in the physical who can help you work through it.
You are a strong person, remember to be kind to yourself. That strong person deserves respect, acknowledgement, and a heaping portion of kindness.
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Thanks, Kaere. I also need a fleet of fire trucks to extinguish the flames and I need someone to bury my corpse. Get a load of this update,
I was set on fire, severely, due to harassment, spiritual pitchforking (attacks and provocation), spiritual orchestration (what I call psycho puppetry).
Saturday night: I overheard him when he went to a coworker and showed him something on his phone. He said "gas station". Remember the first time I was provoked, because of the gas station? I said it was pavlov's dog being played out.
After that night at the gas station, and I had been so aggravated and upset, he continued to display an interest in / attraction to me. Saturday, I was going to give him my phone number. His interest was causing me a lot of tension and I was ready to make an attempt to connect. I had my number written on a piece of paper held in my pocket waiting for an opportunity to give it to him. Imagine my surprise when I saw him take out his phone. I thought, he's on the same wavelength and is letting me know he wants to talk.
He also copied me and began chewing gum as I had been.
So after I wrote my number down and saw him take out his phone, he had his phone a second time when he went over to a coworker and said something to him about "gas station". I took it as an indication that he thought of us crossing paths there as we had before...
On my walk home Saturday night I passed the gas station looking for him and expecting to see him but he wasn't there. I never did get an opportunity to give him my number and was going to do so if I would have seen him at the gas station.
Of course, as you'd expect, not seeing him at the gas station Saturday night was very thought provoking. I figured, maybe because he's a passenger with a friend it wasn't in his control whether they'd be there that night. I was scheduled to work Sunday and figured I'd see him.
He wasn't at work yesterday. BOOM.
A woman who works there is very quiet. She keeps to herself. She happened to look me directly in the face for the first time and I saw how beautiful she is.
I later saw her standing by herself with her hand to her eye like as if to dry a tear (although maybe she just had something in her eye). I thought, maybe she heard me in the spirit when I acknowledged that she's beautiful and it made her cry.
Life, constantly playing itself out like a movie.
So I sat here all Sunday night, after work, into Monday morning, full of furious fire and wrath when it occurred to me...
His name is Chris. Her name is Iris. See that? Their names align.
Not only that, they each wear glasses and their glasses are similar (dark frames).
I instantly saw that they're both blind and somehow have managed to work together yet never notice each other. They're a perfect match. And they're blind. They don't see each other and need help.
Get this: the name of the company is Peapod (grocery home delivery service).
Chris and Iris look to me like two peas in a pod.
Now that I have this awareness and knowledge, the burden is on me to handle it.
What is there to say about ME as I'm going through all of this?
Well, I'd have to tell people what the HARASSMENT I SUFFER - spirit and human - is made of.
I'm told that I'm disgusting.
I'm told that I'm unacceptable.
I'm reminded of the evil and Hell I've been subjugated to all my life.
I'm made to feel like absolute garbage.
And imagine how it would BURN ME IN HELL, AGAIN, if I play match maker for those two blind people and then people treat me better because of it.
Oh,
HELL NO!
look, I AM BEING SADISTICALLY MERCILESSLY BURNED AND TORTURED IN HELL and I'm in no mood to be USED as a match maker for OTHERS at my EXCRUCIATING SUFFERING EXPENSE.
Nobody would wonder what sort of torture I would endure if I played match maker for them. Nobody would suspect that I WILL BE TORTURED FOR IT. Nobody would care.
No good deed goes unpunished.
So there you have it. A horrible orchestra of car horns are currently blowing my head apart (car horns are one form of harassment I endure) which lets me know that the extremely nosy SPIRIT WORLD is STILL destructively focused on violating my privacy and my boundaries.
THERE. IS. NO. PEACE.
Meanwhile, I'm in my 6th week of work and after 5 paychecks my financial situation is WORSE instead of better (my paychecks are being devoured by overdraft fees).
You see the obvious, right?
This job too is also going to end, exactly as the first job was ripped out of my life. There is no way I can continue to work there.
I have to go to work tonight FULL OF EVIL, FULL OF FIRE, FULL OF HELL.
HEY!! HEY WORLD!! HEY GOD!!
I. BELONG. IN. THE. GROUND!!!!!!!!
M. E. R. C. I. L. E. S. S.