Kundalini Awakening

[ashleyk]

Hey everyone - I had an awakening dream in September (I posted in the dream section and ironically no one knew what it was - then hit Dark Night of the Soul. My therapist figured this out and sent me to a spiritual guide in my city, thank goodness). Anyone gone through this? It's unbelievably beautiful, lonely, scary, painful, tough, blissful...I'm shocked at what's happening to me physically. Been searching the forums here and there's not really a sub for this. So will keep searching around. I've always been surrounded by friends, deep friendships, rich social life etc. and "poof!" - everyone has disappeared. I'm on maybe my 12-20 weekend of isolation and solitude. Good and tough I suppose. I'm at a place where everything has a positive side but also struggling still with many things. I've consumed alcohol. Alcohol would randomly trigger migraines for me so I rarely drank. And the last month or so I've been on a bender. I've never had so much to drink and it doesn't seem to affect me - it scares and I'm also not worried about it. I know it'll pass. I keep reading how everyone during their "awakening" (which I'd retitle this - I'd call it a deconstructing or unwinding, lol - a demolition!) gets super healthy etc. I've always been very healthy and now I'm like..."Where's that hamburger and fries!!! And BEER. And let's binge!" And I'm losing weight like crazy and totally fine. I got scared and went to the doctor and she ran every test possible - totally fine. My spiritual teacher said this is pretty typical and to "lean into it" (ok, Yoda 2 - my therapist is Yoda 1 right now cuz when I came to him with this he says, "This is good." I'm like...F***er! So now I call him Yoda). Who else has gone through this? I can see the future and what's going to happen and sh**! My body is buzzing non-stop and it feels yucky and weird. I'm trying to enjoy it but it's a nervous weird buzzy feeling.

[Unseeking Seeker]

***

Beneath the turbidity you feel, there is a serene stillness. Go there, be there.

In childlike innocence.

***

[Shivani Devi]

Kundalini/Spiritual awakening should come with a "disclaimer", 'unless you are fully prepared to lose all your friends and family and travel alone, don't even touch it'.

A lot of people take the red pill, when they would have been MUCH happier opting for the blue one...because what has been seen, cannot be unseen, unfortunately.

[ashleyk]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Kundalini/Spiritual awakening should come with a "disclaimer", 'unless you are fully prepared to lose all your friends and family and travel alone, don't even touch it'.

A lot of people take the red pill, when they would have been MUCH happier opting for the blue one...because what has been seen, cannot be unseen, unfortunately.

I think you are correct. Not sure it is something you can undo. I literally woke one day to this. Had never in my life heard of it, or wanted it. It's been 9 months and I'm still searching on this "thing" that happened. What you say is why I'm here posting. I literally woke one morning having this dream of inifinity, with this intense - no words can really describe the sensation - love (doesn't give the feeling justice, was greater than love), it was love through galaxies. Like all the universes through inifinity were making love times infinity. Then I woke up. And I was disoriented. I couldn't even get up for a period of time. Then when I finally could get myself up to get out of bed, I was stumbling. Disoriented. And I had this intense "in love" feeling. I couldn't figure it out because I wasn't in love with anyone. There was no on ein my life I was in love with but I started thinking "maybe I fell in love and I don't know with who?" I started googling this feeling, thinking others had experienced this and nothing. And I figured the "in love" feeling from the dream would go away by the end of the day or so. So I thought "just enjoy it" - so I did. And everything that day was in technicolor. I was in love with everything. The trees, the sky, the jerks on the road...everything I was in love with. Bliss. And then the feeling didn't go away. For months! And then...the opposite happens. lol. You get a "bliss hangover".

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by ashleyk

I think you are correct. Not sure it is something you can undo. I literally woke one day to this. Had never in my life heard of it, or wanted it. It's been 9 months and I'm still searching on this "thing" that happened. What you say is why I'm here posting. I literally woke one morning having this dream of inifinity, with this intense - no words can really describe the sensation - love (doesn't give the feeling justice, was greater than love), it was love through galaxies. Like all the universes through inifinity were making love times infinity. Then I woke up. And I was disoriented. I couldn't even get up for a period of time. Then when I finally could get myself up to get out of bed, I was stumbling. Disoriented. And I had this intense "in love" feeling. I couldn't figure it out because I wasn't in love with anyone. There was no on ein my life I was in love with but I started thinking "maybe I fell in love and I don't know with who?" I started googling this feeling, thinking others had experienced this and nothing. And I figured the "in love" feeling from the dream would go away by the end of the day or so. So I thought "just enjoy it" - so I did. And everything that day was in technicolor. I was in love with everything. The trees, the sky, the jerks on the road...everything I was in love with. Bliss. And then the feeling didn't go away. For months! And then...the opposite happens. lol. You get a "bliss hangover".

Your posts are actually helping me out here too.

I went through exactly the same thing about 2.5 years ago. There I was, in prayer...and then there I wasn't, in love.

It felt exactly how you described it... exactly!; complete with a body which was on fire..feeling like I was being microwaved from the inside out.

This continued on for about 3 months...floating on Cloud 9..and then crash! The honeymoon was over. It felt like God had finished making love to me and then didn't respect me in the morning.

What followed, instead of the bliss and joy I had experienced was derealization, depersonalization, apathy, lack of motivation and a loss of enjoyment in anything....I mean, all of that is totally understandable...what else ever COULD compare to that? I was given a teasing taste of immortality, but not enough to last my whole lifetime...however, the burning river of fire traveling along my spine and circulating throughout my nervous system never went away and the only words I could think about were "ripped off!"

I went online to find answers, only to discover that it can take up to 12 years for the body and mind to adjust and reintegrate after a full-blown Kundalini awakening....great (sarcasm). I have also experienced quite a few "aftershocks" after the initial eruption of energy...moments of love, bliss, joy, lucidity etc but not as strong as the first time, nor as lasting.. basically vanishing not long after coming on..however, because I believe in God (Lord Shiva), at least I had something to direct all of the love I was feeling towards...and I love Him anyway...with all of my heart...just that I don't show it or express it as often as I could/should be doing...just taking it all for granted...just taking the love I feel for granted.

I know that ultimately, whatever caused Kundalini to stir in the first place, I gotta find it and go through it all again...and again...and again...until the effects I felt the first time become a permanent fixture..hangs around and doesn't just wear off anymore, but being bitten by that snake again (after the fact) doesn't sound too appealing if it is only just going to drop me down into the pits of hell from a great height again... Geronimoooooo!!

However, if it is the only way out, it is the only way out and meanwhile, gonna try DMT to see if I can short cut the process next time, or at least get answers
as to why God dumped me...maybe He was showing me what was possible if I worked on myself a lot more...just dangling the carrot once I understood what "carrot" was...just a thought.

[ashleyk]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Your posts are actually helping me out here too.

I went through exactly the same thing about 2.5 years ago. There I was, in prayer...and then there I wasn't, in love.

It felt exactly how you described it... exactly!; complete with a body which was on fire..feeling like I was being microwaved from the inside out.

This continued on for about 3 months...floating on Cloud 9..and then crash! The honeymoon was over. It felt like God had finished making love to me and then didn't respect me in the morning.

What followed, instead of the bliss and joy I had experienced was derealization, depersonalization, apathy, lack of motivation and a loss of enjoyment in anything....I mean, all of that is totally understandable...what else ever COULD compare to that? I was given a teasing taste of immortality, but not enough to last my whole lifetime...however, the burning river of fire traveling along my spine and circulating throughout my nervous system never went away and the only words I could think about were "ripped off!"

I went online to find answers, only to discover that it can take up to 12 years for the body and mind to adjust and reintegrate after a full-blown Kundalini awakening....great (sarcasm). I have also experienced quite a few "aftershocks" after the initial eruption of energy...moments of love, bliss, joy, lucidity etc but not as strong as the first time, nor as lasting.. basically vanishing not long after coming on..however, because I believe in God (Lord Shiva), at least I had something to direct all of the love I was feeling towards...and I love Him anyway...with all of my heart...just that I don't show it or express it as often as I could/should be doing...just taking it all for granted...just taking the love I feel for granted.

I know that ultimately, whatever caused Kundalini to stir in the first place, I gotta find it and go through it all again...and again...and again...until the effects I felt the first time become a permanent fixture..hangs around and doesn't just wear off anymore, but being bitten by that snake again (after the fact) doesn't sound too appealing if it is only just going to drop me down into the pits of hell from a great height again... Geronimoooooo!!

However, if it is the only way out, it is the only way out and meanwhile, gonna try DMT to see if I can short cut the process next time, or at least get answers
as to why God dumped me...maybe He was showing me what was possible if I worked on myself a lot more...just dangling the carrot once I understood what "carrot" was...just a thought.

Ha! Yes. You describe this very well, and hilarious - cuz, it's true.

The derealization, apathy, questioning everything I value and am doing - on the face it looks like a mid-life crisis but it's much deeper than that. I meditate on these things and it's often painful. And...it allows me to level up, see life differently. Helps me be more calm overall (I'm not a calm person by nature - or, I don't even know yet what I'm being...watching in amazement and not necessarily good amazement). It's a huge unwinding of myself and life. A deconstruction. It should not be called an "Awakening" at all. I vote to call it a "Destroying". Things I once valued and believed in have lost meaning and that's not a bad thing. It's not depression in the clinical sense. It's a "that's not needed" type of lost meaning. And then there's this giant void also because I don't quite know much either. Things are being undone, derealized, destroyed, deconstructed and...what's left is emptiness so far. So now I need to learn new skills. It's a lot to have happen in a short time. It's overwhelming at times.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by ashleyk

Ha! Yes. You describe this very well, and hilarious - cuz, it's true.

The derealization, apathy, questioning everything I value and am doing - on the face it looks like a mid-life crisis but it's much deeper than that. I meditate on these things and it's often painful. And...it allows me to level up, see life differently. Helps me be more calm overall (I'm not a calm person by nature - or, I don't even know yet what I'm being...watching in amazement and not necessarily good amazement). It's a huge unwinding of myself and life. A deconstruction. It should not be called an "Awakening" at all. I vote to call it a "Destroying". Things I once valued and believed in have lost meaning and that's not a bad thing. It's not depression in the clinical sense. It's a "that's not needed" type of lost meaning. And then there's this giant void also because I don't quite know much either. Things are being undone, derealized, destroyed, deconstructed and...what's left is emptiness so far. So now I need to learn new skills. It's a lot to have happen in a short time. It's overwhelming at times.

Things always have a habit of coming "full circle" with me, leading me back to where I started, but with a fresh outlook.

For example, this is like the 5th topic on Kundalini I have replied to in the past 2 days...strange how that goes.

I just finished replying to one about Kundalini disclosure to mental health professionals, when I remembered Stanislav Grof and his work in founding the Spiritual Emergence Network...and the practice of Holotropic Breathwork...I hadn't thought about all that in years before tonight.

I recalled that SEN had an establishment in Australia, but I didn't know if it was an international thing or not, so I went on a search and soon found ISEN:

http://www.spiritualemergencenetwork.org/isen/

I read all that was on that website, but a particular pamphlet took my whole interest and I downloaded a PDF version of it (for free of course):
http://www.spiritualemergencenetwork...ed-27381-2.pdf

This is the ISEN "Crisis Guide" which I am loving every word of right now.

CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably.... LOL

Then, there is the work of Stan Grof...who I haven't heard from since he did the Buddha At The Gas Pump interview about 4 years ago...he must be getting old now..

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxn7jg7Ay0I

This stuff is all my Higher Self helping me out through my expanded state of Consciousness...at least that is still there, despite everything else like bliss and joy going bye bye..

So, I thought I would share it here too, just in case you or anyone else needs it.

[lomax]

@ashleyk
Who told you that it's a kundalini awakening?

[Jainarayan]

That does not sound like kundalini awakening. If I'm understanding Shivani Devi correctly, I also would not touch kundalini yoga with the proverbial ten foot pole.

[ashleyk]

I didn't try to have it happen. I was very confused for many months as to what was happening and went to my therapist who referred me to spiritual teacher in my city who said this is what it is (what it sounded like to him from what I described my experiences so far - so, best anyone can tell). I agree, it is very difficult. At first, after my dream (which was beautiful and then the following days were disorienting)...I got to a place where I could enjoy this. Intense moments of bliss. And now...hell with moments of clarity - and the clarity is very wonderful. I need to have a guide through this or I would fall apart. I never meditated, did yoga or anything prior to this. Now I must meditate to keep myself functioning plus keep a strict schedule of other grounding activities. And so true about the friends...I haven't even told them what's going on but it's like I stink or something, lol. They are all gone! For what seems like no reason. They legitimately all have weird, rare things going on in their lives right now but wow. What are the chances? I'm stuck at home by myself (rare) for days - won't speak to anyone or see anyone. Saw my first person today in four days. Going through this thing. It's intense. I'm not letting myself drink anymore (referencing above post) - I have never been a drinker and figure I need to just fully stomach this and let it happen. Get rid of anything that may slow it down or prolong it. Fog it up. And I've noticed I've been using the alcohol to give myself a break from the intensitiy (not good). The realizations are intense. And I've always been someone to face the truth of things but some of this is just...rough. So gotta wind through that. etc etc.