Tf brining up things to heal - appearance

[Goddessa]

"Uh oh.... so I should have had sex with all those women who wanted me?
I was an idiot and kept turning them down because I knew it would hurt my twin's feelings. But it HELPED you?"

Yes it did, but that's me. I don't know how your twin would have reacted. It is not something I accepted readily and I'm not saying that my feelings were not hurt at the time either, but it just helped me realise that it was a situation I couldn't control, so I just accepted it. I'm not saying that I would have allowed him in my life while he was busy meddling with other women, but I just realised that part of dealing with this is to allow the other person to be free.

It also helped me take the focus off him for a while and to concentrate on myself.

[Spiritworldnamehere]

The original post here really rang some bells with me, except that my situation is kind of the opposite. So maybe my perspective could help in some way.

The things you said about yourself remind me very much of my "twin" (still struggle with this label somehow!). He has always been extremely focused on his appearance and on the appearance of others too, but himself more than anyone.

Now I know that attractiveness is subjective, and when it comes to him I am of course biased! But with that said, I'm telling you that his appearance would be considered by most (in western culture at least) to be extremely, HIGHLY attractive.

This fact has played a big role in his life. I believe that it is actually part of the lessons he came here to learn - how to get to know himself and value and love himself for who he truly is (his soul) rather than allow the outside world to define him and then value him for the things they've told him he is. If that makes sense. From the day we met, I felt this contradiction in him. He knows how he looks and he knows how others respond to that. He knows how to take full advantage of it. At the same time, he has a lot of insecurities. And on some level he resents the extent to which it has defined him and his worth.

He has told me many times and still regularly talks about the fact that I am the first person in his life who saw and sees right through that. Even his mother is more likely to comment on his appearance than any other quality.

Of course I do see the attractiveness. I am insanely attracted to him and I'm sure his appearance contributes to this. I have tried playing the game with myself of "if he weren't so physically beautiful, would it change anything?" But I quickly realized that's a pointless line of thinking.

So here's what I know - I have never been this physically attracted to someone in my life. While I know his appearance is probably in there somewhere, I also know it is about a lot more than that. And at this point, after knowing him for almost two years and seeing and talking to him regularly, I really and truly forget about his appearance altogether, all the time. He brings it up more than I do - which is to say, he brings it up; I never do. It never crosses my mind.

Once, in a much earlier conversation about this, I said to him "the sky is blue, the sun rises in the east, and you are incredibly attractive. But it is the absolute LEAST INTERESTING THING about you." He was shocked when I said that, he was speechless for a second. He said it was one of the best, loving things anyone has ever said to him. Since then, we've shortened it to L.I.T., or just "Lit" for "least interesting thing." If this topic comes up, I'll just say "Hey. Lit." Nowadays he usually beats me to it, like "I know what you're thinking. Lit." :)

So I have no idea if any of what I'm saying will resonate with you at all, OP. But I can share from my experience that this whole issue around being defined by and valued according to your level of physical, outward attractiveness (appearance) can be a big one to overcome. Especially when you think about it in the context of a soul choosing its upcoming human life (if you believe in this of course) according to what lessons it wants to learn to further develop itself.

Self-love is the hardest form of love for a lot of people to experience, much less master. Some people who strive to reach self-love face disability, disfigurement, poverty, pain, any number of things that make it difficult to find positivity in one's self. In a different way, if you are automatically valued and "loved" but for the wrong reasons, it might be equally hard to see through to the FACT that your worth/value comes from the "real you" and not from the current condition of your current physical shell.

Something to think about if it rings true for you at all!

LIT! :)