Divinity

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

I remember telling running once that I was hoping to get back to "normal" and he laughed and said "good luck with that LOL!"....he was right,there is no going back to normal.

This is something that worked for me.I didn't allow my self to come down fully for 2 years.I would get the bliss,I would wake up the next day spacey and it would stay around for about 3 days and I would go into it again when it was fading...It was like an addiction but eventually I was able to walk around and function in the higher levels..I got acclimatized ....I see now, it wasn't an addiction but my spirit calling.God works in mysterious ways.

Your grumpiness are emotions that could be from yesterday or from childhood.It doesn't matter where they came from but they have to be expressed.....If you express them to a person, then they come back again immediately or tomorrow or next year(karma) so send the grumpiness out but to nobody.if someone makes you angry,hold it for a moment,go to the bathroom and let it out,,if it happens online,step away from the keyboard and shout at them!do not type!....Maybe you need to find that cave and let go.

I got help before at the start from a Shaman and a Monk and I know running had help too....there may be some stuff we need help with or maybe its about surrender to another human.....Find a cave or get some help if you are stuck.
Maybe the local reiki guy/girl has the key or maybe the shaman is the bush has it.

You come across on these forums as very intelligent but don't give too much personal stuff away here...find someone in the real world to give that too like the healer or shaman or the tramp in the park .....as you know some people here don't listen but if you believe they are ,,this can hurt.

Thanks for that & yeah, I'm saving up for a 'soul retrieval' as I type and I may get some Reiki done as well, but what I would really like, is to be able to talk to a spiritual counsellor, considering the fact I have raised my kundalini and all....and this is not going to be easy because unless they have the power to actually see/feel energy, they are not going to know it.

Right now, I am just doing things that I find enjoyable to take my 'mind off' but I realise that I am meant to be fully distracting myself anyway and as hard as it is, to cut all those people who have a mental illness out of my life, because I simply cannot be a 'co dependent' person - it is not in my make up to get dragged into this and my refusal to, offends. In fact, anybody who gets offended by me simply saying 'no' is getting cut out of my life.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Thanks for that & yeah, I'm saving up for a 'soul retrieval' as I type and I may get some Reiki done as well, but what I would really like, is to be able to talk to a spiritual counsellor, considering the fact I have raised my kundalini and all....and this is not going to be easy because unless they have the power to actually see/feel energy, they are not going to know it.

Right now, I am just doing things that I find enjoyable to take my 'mind off' but I realise that I am meant to be fully distracting myself anyway and as hard as it is, to cut all those people who have a mental illness out of my life, because I simply cannot be a 'co dependent' person - it is not in my make up to get dragged into this and my refusal to, offends. In fact, anybody who gets offended by me simply saying 'no' is getting cut out of my life.

I have the space to grow as I am not bombarded by others like you are.Its the blessing of being left alone that some people don't like.
You are right to cut out what is polluting your being.
I would also love to meet someone like a spiritual counsellor or someone who knows everything about me and my journey but I don't think that person exists.

I can see you going to the counsellor,lying on the couch and begin talking....30 minutes later the counsellor is on the couch, crying and you are advising LOL!

Igor is doing on online Darshan this weekend for 20euro...mite helphttps://www.igorkufayev.com/darshan

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

I have the space to grow as I am not bombarded by others like you are.Its the blessing of being left alone that some people don't like.
You are right to cut out what is polluting your being.
I would also love to meet someone like a spiritual counsellor or someone who knows everything about me and my journey but I don't think that person exists.

I can see you going to the counsellor,lying on the couch and begin talking....30 minutes later the counsellor is on the couch, crying and you are advising LOL!

Igor is doing on online Darshan this weekend for 20euro...mite helphttps://www.igorkufayev.com/darshan

Thanks for that. It sounds really good and I might watch it. At the moment, I am just watching JP Sears, Swami Nirajananda (from Bihar) and watching people rant about the New Age movement because it makes me feel better. lol

I'd really like to get back into my 'path/calling' but realise I need healing before I tackle that again, because I seem to be very apathetic about the whole thing...but I also realise it is another "Dark Night Of The Soul' and thought I had already gone through that and reached the other side...but a train needs to go through a lot of tunnels before it reaches the destination.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Thanks for that. It sounds really good and I might watch it. At the moment, I am just watching JP Sears, Swami Nirajananda (from Bihar) and watching people rant about the New Age movement because it makes me feel better. lol

I'd really like to get back into my 'path/calling' but realise I need healing before I tackle that again, because I seem to be very apathetic about the whole thing...but I also realise it is another "Dark Night Of The Soul' and thought I had already gone through that and reached the other side...but a train needs to go through a lot of tunnels before it reaches the destination.

I don't understand the New age bashing as new age seems to have a bit of everything in it,,,so if you "Bash it" then you also bash a bit of your own belief too maybe I don't get it but thats ok,I'm not into bashing anything or is that new age too? ha ha.

Admitting you need healing is stage 1(again)...Go and getting it is stage 2 which can be exciting......I would guess you are taking "stuff" from others in your physical life and need help offloading it,,,so you are on your path but sometimes the garbage man needs someone else to hose him down as he can't see if he is clean behind his ears.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

I don't understand the New age bashing as new age seems to have a bit of everything in it,,,so if you "Bash it" then you also bash a bit of your own belief too maybe I don't get it but thats ok,I'm not into bashing anything or is that new age too? ha ha.

Admitting you need healing is stage 1(again)...Go and getting it is stage 2 which can be exciting......I would guess you are taking "stuff" from others in your physical life and need help offloading it,,,so you are on your path but sometimes the garbage man needs someone else to hose him down as he can't see if he is clean behind his ears.

Pretty much.

Where the poo hits the fan, is that I am too sure of myself, but I have had to be, for self-preservation. I will never criticise others for their own beliefs but wish I could get the same respect in return...just to be 'accepted' for who I am, but the mere act of 'seeking acceptance' shows that I am not secure within...when I am. I just want to feel/be a 'part of things' but realise (based on past experience) that this is probably not going to eventuate and yet, I am creating no 'self-fulfilling prophecy' here either, because it is, how it is and I'm just having difficulty accepting that.

I also know I need to go and find 'my tribe' and they don't live on the internet, because I need other people to encourage me because any 'self-encouragement' just ends up with me speaking to my Higher Self/God and going "so tell me again, what use are other people?" and this is another reason why I had to cut myself off from it.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Pretty much.

Where the poo hits the fan, is that I am too sure of myself, but I have had to be, for self-preservation. I will never criticise others for their own beliefs but wish I could get the same respect in return...just to be 'accepted' for who I am, but the mere act of 'seeking acceptance' shows that I am not secure within...when I am. I just want to feel/be a 'part of things' but realise (based on past experience) that this is probably not going to eventuate and yet, I am creating no 'self-fulfilling prophecy' here either, because it is, how it is and I'm just having difficulty accepting that.

I also know I need to go and find 'my tribe' and they don't live on the internet, because I need other people to encourage me because any 'self-encouragement' just ends up with me speaking to my Higher Self/God and going "so tell me again, what use are other people?" and this is another reason why I had to cut myself off from it.

You may get "acceptance", here and in the real world one day and the next day that person will not accept you..what happened?.Who knows?a crisis,a realisation .Their perception of you changed for any number of reasons.They heard/read something that changed their view but tomorrow everything could be great again,back to normal...Acceptance from others isn't in your hands.

Accepting yourself is in our hands..If you are a loner,be ok with that.If you are loudmouthed,be ok with that.ect ect.....but being aware or trying to be aware of other peoples feelings and moods is the key to good communication and peoples feelings and moods change too.

I would also like to "find my tribe".I went looking in 2012 and met lots of good and interesting people which helped me on my path but I stopped looking out and started looking "in" which cut me off from any tribe.
My Heart is full now and I could never feel alone,even if I lived on moon and this came from healing the ****,...there is no connection between feeling alone and being alone to me now,,two totally different concepts, so go get that healing,, get that kundalini to your heart

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

You may get "acceptance", here and in the real world one day and the next day that person will not accept you..what happened?.Who knows?a crisis,a realisation .Their perception of you changed for any number of reasons.They heard/read something that changed their view but tomorrow everything could be great again,back to normal...Acceptance from others isn't in your hands.

Accepting yourself is in our hands..If you are a loner,be ok with that.If you are loudmouthed,be ok with that.ect ect.....but being aware or trying to be aware of other peoples feelings and moods is the key to good communication and peoples feelings and moods change too.

I would also like to "find my tribe".I went looking in 2012 and met lots of good and interesting people which helped me on my path but I stopped looking out and started looking "in" which cut me off from any tribe.
My Heart is full now and I could never feel alone,even if I lived on moon and this came from healing the ****,...there is no connection between feeling alone and being alone to me now,,two totally different concepts, so go get that healing,, get that kundalini to your heart

True, I have turned myself inside-out looking within and it seems like there's no further I can go doing that.

That being said, my heart has grown pretty cold, like a stone over the past half-year or so and it needs the 'emotional paddles' to kick-start it again so, before Kundalini moves into my heart, my heart chakra must be open again first.

I have tried doing things that opened it before, but they are not working now. My music, my Shiva pictures, my Rumi quotes, my Richard Bach books, my Marianne Williamson CDs are doing nothing but boring me...I need something that is going to open it in a big way...without my intervention...it seems like I am a 'spiritual zombie' now after kundalini woke up, did her thing, went 'nothing to see here' and returned to slumber in Muladhara.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

True, I have turned myself inside-out looking within and it seems like there's no further I can go doing that.

That being said, my heart has grown pretty cold, like a stone over the past half-year or so and it needs the 'emotional paddles' to kick-start it again so, before Kundalini moves into my heart, my heart chakra must be open again first.

I have tried doing things that opened it before, but they are not working now. My music, my Shiva pictures, my Rumi quotes, my Richard Bach books, my Marianne Williamson CDs are doing nothing but boring me...I need something that is going to open it in a big way...without my intervention...it seems like I am a 'spiritual zombie' now after kundalini woke up, did her thing, went 'nothing to see here' and returned to slumber in Muladhara.

I see you are doing what you can,it make's me a little afraid that it could happen to me too...Who knows whats around the corner.

Is it those in your physical life that has caused it to close? we get very sensitive with K and the heart may have to close up to protect itself.
If it is,then these people must go or be limited/restricted area!....maybe just till the heart opens again and next time you will know the consequences and dangers of "some people" getting too close and hurting you.

[barrynu]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

.

I have tried doing things that opened it before, but they are not working now. My music, my Shiva pictures,

This might be crazy as I am not familiar with Hinduism.
Can you connect/get help with another aspect of Brahman?....Brahma or Vishnu.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by barrynu

This might be crazy as I am not familiar with Hinduism.
Can you connect/get help with another aspect of Brahman?....Brahma or Vishnu.

I've tried Ganesha and Kali (Shakti herself) and felt nothing. Lord Murugan (Kartikeyyan) helps a little bit, because through Him, I found Lord Shiva in the first place, but nope...nothing but fondness there (the same with Hanuman). I've also explored all of the avatars of Lord Shiva...and it's difficult for me to approach Lord Vishnu or Lord Krishna due to cognitive bias.

I've been on Youtube, trying to find stuff about Spiritual Apathy and how to open my Heart to God's Love, but every video on there is Christian and basically says "pray to Jesus" and for me, that's even more alien than praying to Vishnu. lol

I have tried to get around my cognitive biases, trust me...but I may as well connect to a chair and thus, I know I am a Shaivite...a Shiva Bhakta because my whole being resonates with this energetic frequency, but the love doesn't seem to come spontaneously anymore. It just doesn't flow...it is basically forced now and I don't like this...I'd rather not love than feel like I have to 'create it' somehow...yes, my heart is totally closed and I don't know how to open it.