Answer to Twin Intuition After Years

[InquiringMind]

Previous to meeting my Twin, I had been in several relationships with great women. Some of them wanted to marry me. But in each relationship, I felt that I was not with the right person. Even though those women were beautiful, emotionally available, and affectionate, I was plagued by a nagging feeling that there was someone else out there for me, and that there was a very important task I needed to complete with a very important person. Additionally, I was plagued with depression, anxiety, and social problems. In spite of some of the good luck I'd had with women, I was pretty miserable.

Then I met my Twin, and things became clear very quickly: I was overwhelmed by the feeling that this is the woman I had been waiting for, and that this is the person I need to be with. After years of wondering why those other relationships didn't feel right, I had finally met my other half.

However, like most Twin relationships, things were extremely difficult between us. Our relationship was very short and very rocky. But, as is also the case with many Twin relationships, my relationship with my Twin had revealed some extremely important answers for me as to why I had felt anxious, depressed, and miserable for so many years. In the 4-1/2 years since the breakup, the lessons I learned from my Twin have improved my emotional life tremendously, so much so that I no longer struggle with depression and social problems, and I feel better about life than I ever have. It has been truly a miraculous transformation for me, and I am very grateful to have met my Twin.

My Twin, however, has not fared as well. It seems that she did not learn the lessons from our relationship that I did, and she still seems stuck in her old emotional patterns and ways. While we were dating, she told me that she struggled with depression, and it seems that she still does. In fact, she seems pretty miserable, in spite of some impressive worldly success. I feel much compassion for her in spite of her bad treatment of me, and I want to help her.

In the years since the breakup, I have continued to have the feeling that there is an important unfinished task that I need to complete. Now I feel I have the answer: I want to her to have the awakening that I have had, and I want her depression to lift, and I want to help heal her as I have been healed. Our Twin Flame meeting has only healed half of us; it has only healed me. She has not been healed, and I know she continues to struggle emotionally. I want both of us to be healed.

There are, however two problems with this. One is that this fantasy is clearly a "rescue fantasy" where I would attempt to rescue someone from their own pain. I know I can't change anyone else, and I know that she alone must decide that she wants to change her life. Second, I still have some pretty strong romantic feelings for her, and any help I give her will still be attached to the hope that we would be together in a romantic relationship again someday.

I will move forward and search for another romantic partner, but I still feel that there is an unfinished task with my Twin. I could try to talk to her in any number of ways, but she will probably interpret that as my hope that we would be together romantically again, and she would be right. But I do want to help.

So what can I do?

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

Previous to meeting my Twin, I had been in several relationships with great women. Some of them wanted to marry me. But in each relationship, I felt that I was not with the right person. Even though those women were beautiful, emotionally available, and affectionate, I was plagued by a nagging feeling that there was someone else out there for me, and that there was a very important task I needed to complete with a very important person. Additionally, I was plagued with depression, anxiety, and social problems. In spite of some of the good luck I'd had with women, I was pretty miserable.

Then I met my Twin, and things became clear very quickly: I was overwhelmed by the feeling that this is the woman I had been waiting for, and that this is the person I need to be with. After years of wondering why those other relationships didn't feel right, I had finally met my other half.

However, like most Twin relationships, things were extremely difficult between us. Our relationship was very short and very rocky. But, as is also the case with many Twin relationships, my relationship with my Twin had revealed some extremely important answers for me as to why I had felt anxious, depressed, and miserable for so many years. In the 4-1/2 years since the breakup, the lessons I learned from my Twin have improved my emotional life tremendously, so much so that I no longer struggle with depression and social problems, and I feel better about life than I ever have. It has been truly a miraculous transformation for me, and I am very grateful to have met my Twin.

My Twin, however, has not fared as well. It seems that she did not learn the lessons from our relationship that I did, and she still seems stuck in her old emotional patterns and ways. While we were dating, she told me that she struggled with depression, and it seems that she still does. In fact, she seems pretty miserable, in spite of some impressive worldly success. I feel much compassion for her in spite of her bad treatment of me, and I want to help her.

In the years since the breakup, I have continued to have the feeling that there is an important unfinished task that I need to complete. Now I feel I have the answer: I want to her to have the awakening that I have had, and I want her depression to lift, and I want to help heal her as I have been healed. Our Twin Flame meeting has only healed half of us; it has only healed me. She has not been healed, and I know she continues to struggle emotionally. I want both of us to be healed.

There are, however two problems with this. One is that this fantasy is clearly a "rescue fantasy" where I would attempt to rescue someone from their own pain. I know I can't change anyone else, and I know that she alone must decide that she wants to change her life. Second, I still have some pretty strong romantic feelings for her, and any help I give her will still be attached to the hope that we would be together in a romantic relationship again someday.

I will move forward and search for another romantic partner, but I still feel that there is an unfinished task with my Twin. I could try to talk to her in any number of ways, but she will probably interpret that as my hope that we would be together romantically again, and she would be right. But I do want to help.

So what can I do?

From my experience as we move along the twin flame path the answers are provided to us. Those answers are not always what we want to hear but what we need to hear.

As I do for my twin, you probably will always have romantic feelings for her but may never end up together as a couple. My twin and didn't but we are close friends and have been for 30 years.

Last week something major happened and I clearly knew now was the time to tell him about twin flames. He was open to the information and accepting of it. I'm saying this because the answer will come to you as to how you'll be able to help her. Maybe right now you need to let her do her own work on herself. If she comes to you be supportive.

Hope that helps some

[SearchingFreedom]

Can you describe how this relationship was like? Because if you can help her or not depends also on the fact if she trusts you. Shure you can say, shure she CAN trust me. But this is not the question. The question is if she does. If a woman deals with soul pain she is not easy to trust, believe me. And if she can't trust you you must gain her trust. This you can gain by promising in the next few months you will not try to get back in the romantic relationship, you want to be her friend. And don't say that being a friend of a woman denies romantic relationshp in future. For many woman it is the only way to gain trust before a relationshop can begin.

[Ziusudra]

In the years since the breakup, I have continued to have the feeling that there is an important unfinished task that I need to complete. Now I feel I have the answer: I want to her to have the awakening that I have had, and I want her depression to lift, and I want to help heal her as I have been healed. Our Twin Flame meeting has only healed half of us; it has only healed me. She has not been healed, and I know she continues to struggle emotionally. I want both of us to be healed.

There are, however two problems with this. One is that this fantasy is clearly a "rescue fantasy" where I would attempt to rescue someone from their own pain. I know I can't change anyone else, and I know that she alone must decide that she wants to change her life. Second, I still have some pretty strong romantic feelings for her, and any help I give her will still be attached to the hope that we would be together in a romantic relationship again someday.

I will move forward and search for another romantic partner, but I still feel that there is an unfinished task with my Twin. I could try to talk to her in any number of ways, but she will probably interpret that as my hope that we would be together romantically again, and she would be right. But I do want to help.

So what can I do?

Is there any indication from her that you are "the right person" to help her?
Do you know how to help her?
Did you ask her if she needs help? and if you can help her?

From my own experience, I am the one who supposed to help my TF in this life and it is written (who knew)
Anyway, it has been nagging me throughout this life for several decades, although he was already been helped through our connection. So, when I asked him if he wants me to help him and tried to help him, he barked at me.
So, there!

Ask her first and have the conversation.
If she says "Get lost", then you know to step back and to just wish her well (as I did).

With the TF journey, you may already be helping her but you may not even be aware of it.

[InquiringMind]

Originally Posted by SearchingFreedom

Can you describe how this relationship was like? Because if you can help her or not depends also on the fact if she trusts you. Shure you can say, shure she CAN trust me. But this is not the question. The question is if she does. If a woman deals with soul pain she is not easy to trust, believe me. And if she can't trust you you must gain her trust. This you can gain by promising in the next few months you will not try to get back in the romantic relationship, you want to be her friend. And don't say that being a friend of a woman denies romantic relationshp in future. For many woman it is the only way to gain trust before a relationshop can begin.

She told me directly that she has difficulty trusting people.

Let's say that I do approach her (it would be on facebook, because I live in Southern California and she lives in the Bay Area) and say that I'd like to have a friendship with her with no intention of starting a romantic relationship. How would I do this without being disingenuous, given that she already knows that I have romantic feelings for her? As much as it might be an opportunity to build trust with her, I feel like I'd just be lying to her if I told her I was OK with just being friends and that I would no longer pursue her romantically. And how could I approach her with dignity, given that she's already rejected me romantically?

Also, say that I was able to help her heal her wounds, and she became much happier and better off emotionally, then she took that happiness and went off and married some other guy. I'd feel pretty ripped off. What would I do then?

[SearchingFreedom]

@InquiringMind

I see. I can understand your struggles. I tried to be only friends with my Twin Flame, he is a monk(not allowed to have a woman) in the time he wanted to be more like "friends with love"(he did not ment sex with the word love, but not a relationship but friends in love). And I tried and I shure couldn't stop my romantic feelings.

I only know that for lonely, suffering women it is extremely painful if theiy are not able to begin a relationship without true feelings trust and so on out of their pain and lonlyness. And wenn a guy makes "pressure" because he is emotionaly needy that the process towards a relationship develops this women can't do others as to run, no matter how lonely and suffering she is. Your feelings hurt her possibly at the moments of her pain. She is not able to answer them mutualy. She does not want to hurt you or make you false hopes. Thats why she rejected you. She had to do this. And maybe she knows for sure she does not want you.But Maybe she just is not able to deal with you as long as she did not develop this trust and feelings.

That is what "strong men" know as a secret to touch the heart of a women is to help her without pressuring own needs. But you are absolutely right it is NOT a guarantee that the touching of her heart by you will develop into romantic feelings! So you have to know that you can be very hurt!

But concerning if you can't meet her in dignity I believe that is not true. She just couldn't answer your feelings doesn't necesserely mean she looks down own you.

You can be honest to her. If she would be openminded. You know her best. Tell her you have feelings for her but your desire is to help her for the moment without pressuring her. And tell her you desire a relationship with her but you are ok to be friends to help her without making her promise she will give you a chance. She can't promise that.

It is a difficult path. Also some women are stuck in surface-relationships-connections. The attraction and the chemistry is important for these kind of women more than for heart-touching women. That's why it could be she never falls in love with you. It also could be unexpected for her if she falls in love with you, if you touch her heart.

Concerning Twin Flames read my post about characteristics (new). Not in every life you have to be aware of your strong love being a twin flame. If it IS your twin flame then the meeting will be inevitable. You would only have to find the right words.
But also if this IS your twin flame it would be clear you have to overcome your ego. And for me also it is impossible. When I was rejected by him, i suffered great pain unaible to meet him in dignity. I understand you fully.
But I just kept waiting and suffering and we are together again. He is a runner and that makes it hard. I understand you fully.

But I know, this is a pity I can not speak about her, only from myself. I know from myself that I never trust a man during this life and other lifes who is not willing to make me feel good without pressuring his own need to be in a relationship with me. No matter how hard this must be for men to handle, even for strong ones, this is how i function. I need 2 years to begin to trust of pure uncondicious love friendship without sex... and only then my heart begins to open.

[SearchingFreedom]

Maybe most people would suggest you to forget her not to risk to suffer. But if you are shure it is your tiwn flame, sure you are not able to do this?

[Lucky]

I'm happy you are asking yourself these questions and talking it out on your post. I can imagine it's very difficult to separate romantic feelings from genuinely wanting to help her. As you yourself questioned if you did end up helping her and she left you for someone else in the end, surely you would feel some pain around that I'd imagine.

There's a thing though, about wanting to help people who don't want to be helped or even think that they need help to begin with. In your case, you learned from the relationship and grew from it on an emotional and spiritual level to where you are now in a great place so it served its purpose for you. In her case, the result of the relationship and the lessons it may have brought didn't serve her in the way you wanted it to or in a way you would say it was beneficial to her growth. Perhaps she's simply not ready for that stage of growth yet. Lessons are presented to us all the time, but it's up to us whether or not we accept the challenge. That's not for you to decide, no matter if it's a twin flame, soul mate or whatever. I know it's easier said than done, but I'd say if you're feeling great these days then just continue to move forward doing what makes you happy on all levels. I feel that then, and only then, time will tell if she comes back around and is meant to be with you or not. I also want to mention that if we have learned something and grown from an experience, there's really no need to go backwards or have the same experience/relationship repeated.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

There are, however two problems with this. One is that this fantasy is clearly a "rescue fantasy" where I would attempt to rescue someone from their own pain. I know I can't change anyone else, and I know that she alone must decide that she wants to change her life. Second, I still have some pretty strong romantic feelings for her, and any help I give her will still be attached to the hope that we would be together in a romantic relationship again someday.

I will move forward and search for another romantic partner, but I still feel that there is an unfinished task with my Twin. I could try to talk to her in any number of ways, but she will probably interpret that as my hope that we would be together romantically again, and she would be right. But I do want to help.

So what can I do?

Your question here is what can you do? We never like the answer to this question... The truth is we are not here to interfere in the lessons of other souls no matter how much we think we are.

I am not saying don't talk to her, that might be okay. However truly I know this one from experience, let people heal in their own time. My other half (twin) was struggling with something I so wanted to help him so I offered, however all it did was alienate us from one another. This is the flame gift - that we love each other, it is the love that supports the healing - not 3D thinking and doing.

I learnt my lesson the tough way. I now know that he is equipped with all that he needs to heal his inner issues. He may not do it in the timing I deign, however we are all different and it is for me to recognise this. We are here with our free will and no matter how frustrating it might be to those of us that can see what would help the soul, ultimately the healing and choice has to be made by the individual.

I know that you know this and I also understand where you are coming from - this is why I have shared my experience with you. Me getting involved made things harder for us...

It is your decision at the end of the day - maybe pose the question what will I learn if I step in here?

[InquiringMind]

Hmmm....quite a wide variety of opinions. Another important detail is that both my Twin and I would like to have a family, and both of us are feeling the ticking of our respective biological clocks, so we don't exactly have 20 or 30 years to go through all the iterations of our individual healing processes before we can be together. For her, she's got about 5 years to get this whole marriage and children thing started before she's really pushing the upper age limits. So as much as I'd like to let the healing process unfold organically in its own time and in its own way, the harsh reality of biology is that if we both want children, there is a very unforgiving time limit on that, and we don't have 20 years to let the healing process unfold naturally in its own time.

Additionally, if I did marry someone else, I don't see any way to ethically maintain any kind of a friendship with my Twin. It would be extremely inappropriate for me, as a married man, to maintain an active friendship with her, especially since she is an ex-girlfriend that I would still have feelings for. That would be a recipe for marital disaster, and I'm not going to do that. The way I see it, I'm either going to marry her, or I will have to banish her from my life in the case that I marry someone else. I don't see any way to maintain a Twin relationship with her if I'm married to another woman.

All that being said, there is still a possibility that I could learn some things from her - and maybe she from me - by having a platonic friendship with her. A romantic relationship would be impractical right now anyway because we live 400 miles apart. I could express to her that I feel we have a unique connection and that I would like get to know her better, and that I will not try to pursue a romantic relationship with her. She might actually go for that, and I really have nothing to lose if she doesn't. If I did that, I would still pursue relationships with other women.

If I went the route of letting all the lessons play out naturally in their own time, I see that as the same as assuming that I will need to banish her from my life and I will marry someone else, based on the time constraints that I mentioned before. In that case I would give up on the whole Twin thing, and I'd have to believe that everything between us has been permanently ended. I would just have to take the lessons I learned, move on, and try to forget about her.