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Old 10-12-2019, 03:23 PM
DaisySunshine DaisySunshine is offline
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 108
How to help Twin Flame with self esteem?

The main personal issues my TF and I each are working through are fear of abandonment for me and anxiety and self esteem for him. When we're both at our worse, he will be too overwhelmed with anxiety to text and I panic and overtext.

I'm doing a lot of work on myself right now, but of course I want to be supportive of him too. I know I can't do it for him, but how do I support him while he works on himself? Sometimes he needs space and during that time I try to give it while focusing on myself. But what about when we are in contact?

Last edited by DaisySunshine : 10-12-2019 at 11:21 PM.
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Old 10-12-2019, 03:46 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,529
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You don't. It's his path and thing to do, provided he wants to, not yours. It's his choice and problem. If need be you can support him but allow him his own path and process, don't attempt to do the work for him as this will only create resentment.
Focus on your own stuff and work on that. This is probably why you came together, to mirror and work things out so you each grow as an individual.
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Old 10-12-2019, 04:09 PM
DaisySunshine DaisySunshine is offline
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by FairyCrystal
This is probably why you came together, to mirror and work things out so you each grow as an individual.

I know this for sure. Early on I tried to fix everything for him and he let me, until we both noticed it didn't seem healthy and agreed to work on our independence. With my history, I feared being alone and anytime he and I weren't in contact I spent the whole time focusing on him and how to simply be okay without being in constant communication with him, and could never feel stable enough to really focus on myself. It wasn't that I ever distrusted him, it just seemed to be set in my muscle memory to behave that way whether I trusted the person or not. Fortunately, I've moved past that and don't fear being alone.

I know he deeply cares about me and wants the best for me, and vice versa. He's firm in his boundaries of needing alone time to work things out, which has in turn taught me that setting healthy boundaries and taking alone time are not the same as abandonment. I don't freak out anymore when we're not in contact, I try to take advantage of it and do heavy work on myself.
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Old 11-12-2019, 09:42 AM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 7,533
I think FairyCrystal more or less said it:

".....how do I support him while he works on himself?"

It's his work and only he can do it. He shouldn't be working on himself in reference to you. Your support is giving him time; allowing him to be himself (which can be difficult at times) and be ready with acceptance for whatever results. "Setting boundaries" is fine but allow some room for manoeuvre. If his work is successful he'll emerge a little different, as will yourself. Don't let your emotions cloud any issues. Honesty is important.
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