vivid and lucid experience

[Inika]

since connecting with someone and going through a hiccup (conflicting issue) i've experience more and more dream awareness and recall.

I get that a lot comes to me that i tend to ignore or guides presenting something to me for insight in my conscious waking reality.

This person. I adore and yet find repulsive at the same time. I went to bed that night thinking about how their type of 'thing' is making me want to run and keep a distance.

that night. in my soul i kept hearing crashing sounds and banging. id wake (not fully asleep but going under) and there was nothing but a silent still night around me. i finally realized i was standing in my house and the power kept going out. i walk to my bedroom door and the bathroom light is on but then goes out and i turn and see my kitchen door that leads to the outside is open. there is a light on (this is the first time and night i left my kitchen door open and left the light on)
a man is standing at the doorway. he has a black hooded jumper on, unzipped, a white with red on it shirt and jeans. the hood is over his head covering his face, only exposing his nose, mouth...
he came closer to me and held my hands to bring me in closer to him and all i could smell was stale alcohol on his breath.

I didnt like it and felt his vibe as a stranger. its like an uninvited stranger coming in and it being akward. i didnt want to go further into this so thats where it stopped.

the next day upon reflection i thought about how its mirroring me in my growing taste for alcohol. this persons appetite is bigger yet there is no difference in compassison to addictions and the 'like what you dont see and yet are?'
it hit home.

what are we repressing, running from, angry about? what are we trying to put to sleep with alcohol and cover up with artificial jollies?

maybe this person is helping me in subtle subliminal ways.

i still want a drink. so it was not an overnight success of omg i have overcome wanting a drink by a reflection. plus summer is coming. but, plus side is...im aware and when ready i'll surrender.